To start WW3 with my SIL

[Allthewineandallrhedrinks]

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

Try rereading your own posts.

What did your DH say "in a jokey way" to your neice ?
What was the "bad stuff" you DH went to prison for?
Without these 2 crucial pieces of information its difficult to decide the best way to move forwards for you now.

Look, you’ve clearly come on here wanting to fight with someone and that’s fine, but I’m not that someone, you picked the wrong poster. Move on, the thread isn’t about you.

The lack of self-awareness is astounding. Take a step back and look at what you've written and the majority of the replies.

Even if SIL had just told people that you stopped speaking to her because she walked out of a room when your husband bulled/insulted her daughter I think some people would step away.

You're not going to get that information

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks isn't going to tell us because we are all mini SIL

I love this thread cos I’m the SIL in this scenario and my husband’s sister is the OP😂😂😂.

Because my children's safety comes before the feelings of a school mum acquaintance. We don't know what the crime is which is why there is so much speculation but it's obviously serious to have resulted in a custodial sentence, involves a child, and the press reporting which will cover all this detail means the mums she knows IRL feels it's serious enough to cool their friendship with her.

It's not bullying to say I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child go to their home unsupervised without those details, I only let them go to the homes of people I know and trust. Friendships can happen outside of the home with no impact on innocent DC.

If you both can’t remember what your dh said to your niece, then why are you not speaking to your sil because of it? If it was so insignificant then there’s no reason to fall out over it 🤨

Not sure why you won’t just say what your dh did 15 years ago .. it’s clearly worse than you’re letting on otherwise you wouldn’t be so secretive about it.

You sound like a spoilt, jealous drama queen.

Honestly you sound kind of horrible or at the very least, unlikeable. This all drama seems to have been started by your side.

You could have just accepted that something shitty was said, she was offended and left it at that. Instead you went out of your way to cut her off and get surprised when, surprise surprise, she can also use her mouth to say something shitty (although from what you said she didn’t lie, at least).

You and your partner seem messy.

Maybe you can tell us the full story then? 😂😂

You are not in charge of Mumsnet and cannot tell another poster to move on just because they disagree with you.

If you address me then I have the right to reply.

If you don’t like my response then dont address me.

She was probably wrong to tell everyone about your husband's background - however I would like to know her side of the story too...

The bottom line though is that you (and your husband) have been absolutely vile to her. You already started a "war", and you lost.

Maybe it's time for self-reflection...

Oh his convention matters and you know it because that's why you're not saying it.
You thought what was said was a in a jokey way and didn't matter, well it does matter. It wasn't aimed at you so you and your criminal of a husband it was at your niece, so the pair of you do not get to tell others how to take your "jokes".

you are the problem. Your brother is also your parents child so you don't get to dictate who they see and when in their own home. Nobody agrees with you on here so you've thrown a fit and want it removed. Now who's behaving like a toddler?....Not your SIL.......

I'm sorry OP but if your own mother told him to apologise IT WAS BAD!

Did he apologise in the end?

Click report on your op and tell them to delete your thread because you don't like the replies.

Go on what did he say to your DD?

Assume OP has been a nightmare for a while based off this?

I think it sounds unbelievable that you and your DH cant remember what he said ......

sorry i didn’t mean literally, just its a very similar situation.
mine is worse tho cos her behaviour is minimised and brushed under the carpet to the point that i always feel like i am being gaslit into thinking i am the one over reacting. So I feel vindicated by this thread and it’s quite satisfying.

Hello..
I'm sorry you're so upset.
You can report your own opening post to MNHQ and ask them if they'll consider deleting it.

My kids are in late teens and mid twenties, so I've been a mum for a long while too. As I said, our experiences colour our choices, and with your work in the care sector I can understand your reservations. Having said that I don't think I've done anything wrong or risky when I've left my kids with the people I've left them with. Not that it was often, just the odd thing after school.

Sounds like the MIL can't really stand the DH either and has clearly more regard for the SIL. Suspect the OP knows this deep down and it's sparked a lot of jealousy despite her protestations. She clearly feels extremely threatened by her.

Because a healthy, active lawyer who has a great relationship with her DD, husband and MIL is he last thing you'd want to be isn't it?! Give me a break. Saying that just makes the OP look ridiculous.

The jealousy is literally oozing from the OPs posts.

Personally I think the OP knows there's something off with her husband, who is happy to upset a child and take no responsibility whatsoever. Whilst she has made excuses for him, others including her own mother are clearly seeing him for what he is. It's entirely possible that the school mums may have sensed the same thing but never really could put their finger on it and now they know his background it's clarified things in their minds. Any decent mother would put the welfare of their child first.

Did you tell everyone about her husband's previous conviction?

The vast majority of people cannot see it from your perspective because you have withheld some vital info. You are of course entitled not to give further details but you can't then be surprised at the reactions.

If you said what your husband said to your niece and what he was sent to prison for, and it isn't as bad as most are assuming, you may find that more people may agree with you. However the fact you won't say, does seem to indicate that you are minimising your husband's actions because, you know in truth that his actions were in fact bad

You hate her cos she doesn't vape and does charity work and has a good job.. you are greener than kermit with jealousy.
I think she's gonna be happy she doesn't see you at easter.