To start WW3 with my SIL

[Allthewineandallrhedrinks]

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

If I was the SIL I'd be glad that OP and her offensive husband weren't talking to me.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinks Your husband's crime was reported, it's not private information at all. It's public record.

@modernfairies I didn’t say it was a SIL problem. They’re both at fault here but in my opinion it was really irresponsible to share that info.

Lets be honest, whatever your dh has done for the prison sentence cant have been not serious can it. For the mums to not speak to you. Ive met parents at the school gates who have done time for robbery etc. Ive still been civil and they were honest. If I heard that little billys dad had been inside for hurting a child or something child related, and found out from a third party then id stop being civil too.

Sils a goodie who does charity work and doesn’t vape 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I work for a charity and I vape. Am I only half a goodie?
You sound very insecure and you did this to yourself. If Sil had made the joke about your child I am sure you would also be kicking off

Marathon-running non-vaping lawyer or a convict who upsets family members at parties…which in law would YOU choose?!

Exactly - noone in their right minds would pick a convict who is constantly drinking and leaves foul clouds of vape fumes wherever they go and offends children over someone who actually sounds decent and kind 🤣

So do I. Also, please tell us what your husband said to your niece.

You both sound like you like drama. Your husband could’ve apologised but didn’t. You clearly don’t like your SIL anyway as you have put running marathons as a negative. It was probably not necessary for your SIL to talk about your husband’s past, but if the crime was bad enough for your friends to shun you then the blame lies with your DH really for doing it

Frankly, if the other mums have read about your DH’s crime and now don’t want to be involved with your family on that basis, that’s a really valid path for them. It’s not your SIL fault that your DH committed a crime whereby people then don’t want to associate with him or his associates.

Look at it from their viewpoint. How thrilled would you be to have your kids go to someone’s house for a play date where their dad would be present, and you didn’t want the kids near him because if a crime he had committed and gone to jail for? That’s the result when you marry and have kids with someone in this situation, you took that risk and ur’s now blowing up on you but blame your DH, not your SIL. If he didn’t do anything there would be nothing for he to blab about, and other parents are within their rights to choose who they want themselves and their kids associating with.

I feel like most people wouldn't stop associating with the wife of an ex-convict for some petty crime like shoplifting, 15 years ago.

You're minimising, OP. Saying the crime sounds worse written down than it really is.

One of the mums might have googled the DH tbf. Or looking for him on social media and a post talking about the conviction might have come up?

The school mums seem to have raised theirs at least. Doubt @Allthewineandallrhedrinks has the self awareness to.

Tying yourself up in knots trying to justify your husband's behaviour sounds exhausting. No wonder you are jealous of other people's lifestyles. You might have the energy to run a marathon if you face up to what your H has done and stop ruining your life trying to cover for him.

You clearly don’t like your SIL anyway as you have put running marathons as a negative

The not drinking, not vaping and doing charity are also being thrown out in a negative manner, which is ….. odd.

You can't change what has happened but you can change what you do next.

Same

It’s about their feelings, how they have been wronged when their DH said something, someone didn’t react the way she thought they should and it made HER uncomfortable, no thought to others outside of her. Then escalated by texting about Easter to not celebrate with her brother’s family and thinking insulting her brother’s wife is acceptable when he asked why.

On top of that, shocked that many don’t agree with her and the posts she has added doesn’t sound like it was as trivial as she wants to make it out as.

I can’t remember what DH said but it wasn’t that bad. Surely to make that judgement, one knows some of what was said even if they don’t remember word for word.

OP knows it was bad otherwise she would have said what it was.

Add in her recent, it practically comes down to her heavy dislike of her SIL and SIL walking away just set OP off.

OP expected sympathy and many to agree with her and when many haven’t she wants to make it out to be a class issue and what not.

When did it be a class issue or a person is fake to not drink, not smoke, not vape, and checks notepad do charity?

I’m not saying your husband can’t change but sadly most ex criminals especially if it’s involving a child may have a hard time if this comes out whether by parents googling, SIL outing etc. I’m curious as to what your DH said to your niece too. Wouldn’t you be upset if the shoe/boot was on the other foot?

my absolute first thought.

I can’t quite explain it OP but I read this post in the style of this lady - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxNcnbKu3nG/?igsh=dDBoOHd6M3FmbDR2

Is your SIL like Dr Emma?

SIL and brother must be relieved.

The SIL must be relieved you’re finally cutting contact. Not a good look for a lawyer to have married in to a family of ex-cons.

This...

https://www.thesun.ie/living/1138646/remember-wife-swaps-foul-mouthed-lizzy-bardsley-heres-what-the-mum-of-eight-looks-like-now/

OP you sound... lacking in self-awarenss, if I'm to be kind about it.

Your SIL sounds like a nice, normal person. I suspect you're her nightmare inlaw.

You sound awful! Like a toddler yourself.

Oh god, good old fashioned jealousy. That’s what this is. You’re unbelievably jealous of her, and I doubt your husband and you have good jobs to be frank.

so you’re jealous of her job, her education, her fitness, her charity work, her lifestyle, likely her income and that’s why you tried to bully her.

you are the issue, grow up, get that chip off your shoulder.

I feel that all of you are just like mini SILs in here so thats why you dont see it my way.

This is where you jumped the shark.

On the off-chance any of this is real - The Jeremy Kyle Show was cancelled years ago. Stop turning your life into an audition for it. Stop making bizarre threats about WW3 when you don’t actually have any ammunition. Stop cancelling arrangements for Easter that were never made in the first place.

You can blame your SIL for telling people your husband was in prison. Or you can look again at your attitude as to why he was there, and see if the people cutting you off have a point.

If you message MN (not sure how to do that) they’ll delete it for you.

I don’t think your SIL should have told your school mum friends, FWIW, unless your husband’s crime meant their children were potentially unsafe around him.