To start WW3 with my SIL

[Allthewineandallrhedrinks]

Long story but I will keep it short.

Me and my husband had decided to stop speaking or engaging with SIL. Mainly because of an incident where my husband said something in a jokey way to my neice and she literally sulked off to another room in my parents house like it was the biggest deal making me feel uncomfortable and she's not even blood related.
I messaged my brother about Easter as we always do stuff all together and I said we need to do it separate this year. He asked why I said because your wife is a toddler sulking off and we don't want to see her again. Hears nothing more from my brother.

So then at my kids school it all gets a bit weird my mum friendship circle start ignoring me and I keep asking whats wrong and they say nothing all fine. But then they are organising meet ups without me which never happens. I normally am one that arranges them. I keep asking what's wrong. Finally find out. My SIL has told one of the mums that she knows through work about my husbands past. He did some bad stuff and was in prison but he did his time and is an amazing person.
Now because of my bitch SIL I am now isolated from my friendship group.

I was willing to not make a big deal and just not speak or see her again but she has made this personal and I cannot let this go.

He cant remember exactly what was said because he said it was so nothing and therefore OTT for her to walk out in a strop
Well it's not nothing as it caused offence. You and he are in no position to decide it was nothing if he claims not to remember what was said. Convenient.
As for him being imprisoned for doing something to a child. That's horrendous

To be honest if l were any of the school mum friends l would be furious at OP for not being honest about her DH’s conviction involving a child. Who they really are, is concerned that their children may have been around someone who may present a threat to them.

Clearly SiL is aware of the conviction and the remark DH made to her DD has caused her to rethink whether he is safe to be around. Making sure that the wider school mum group are also aware of the situation is the responsible thing to do. If OP is being shunned because of it, then it was clearly not an insignificant offence.

I doubt OP will be back.

Everytime I come back to this thread (pathetically invested, I know!), and click for the next page of comments, I'm tensing up and waiting for it to refresh with the MNHQ "blue comment of doom" to say 'the OP has requested we take down the thread for fear of being recognised irl' or when the 'journo' comes along and purloins it for the DM! 🤣

What I am inferring from this story:

OP's DH made either a creepy comment or took the piss out of the niece. Niece's mother was alarmed, appalled or simply really upset about what he said and left the room because of it. OP deciding to cut off SiL because of this is utterly childish.

The SiL apparently telling other school mums about DH criminal offence? As we know it was child-related (and the OP saying it wasn't 'sexual' doesn't mean it isn't of interest to other parents), it sounds like SiL thought the other parents ought to know.

Im glad some people see what she did was vile and spiteful. Back from school run and hust want to cry. I had such a good network of friends.
My sil kids dont even go to this school I didnt even know she knew one of the mums.
I feel that all of you are just like mini SILs in here so thats why you dont see it my way.
She gets a free pass to be horrible saying something that has a big impact on my daily life.
Its hard to explain because I will probably get called jealous which I am definitely not. Couldn't think of anything worse then being her. She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity. And my parents are always like oh isnt she great shes done this. She is fake as they cone. And this has shown she isnt the nice person she pretends to be.
I had the right to not want to see her. She always twists thjngs as shes good at words because of her job as lawyer. This is a class judgement thing here. Me and my husband have good jobs too doing well doesnt matter that we didn't go to university.

Some of the things people have said about my husband is vile. It was over 15 years ago it was a typo in other post. It wasnt violent or sexual just people being massively OTT and extreme.
Im not posting anymore because this site is not supportive how other mums couldnt understand how this would effect me and my kids someone doing this.

I think it really depends on what the offences were that "did sort of involve a kid". I know the OP has said he has done his time and is now a good man, but that's her opinion, and depending on the crime, and given that the OP's friends would appear to be other school mum's, then I actually think they may have good reason to want to distance themselves now that they know what crime he committed.

When you have skeletons in your closet as your DH does, you keep those people who are aware of the secret on the right side of you. You don’t antagonise them. You started this argument and they have played their ace card by revealing this info. It’s an own goal.

How do I get this thread removed?

“The fact that me and my husband cant remember what offended her so much to cause an atmosphere and leave the room shows it wasnt the a big deal. If he had said something horrible to my neice id have said something to her. I love my neice. I only knew because my mum told my husband to apologise. So we went home and were raging”.

Because you and your DH “can’t remember” what he said doesn’t mean what was said was OK. It was bad enough to upset your niece, it was bad enough that your mum told him to apologise. He told you what he said was nothing? Perhaps you’re used to accepting his minimisation of what he says and does? If your DH has any kind of offending involving children you can expect people to want to keep away. Is he on the SO Register? People with children have every right to know. You sound like an aggressive nightmare, defending and downplaying something awful by “starting WW3”.

Exactly. She wants all of the benefits of SIL, expecting her to keeping quiet, expecting her to accept being shunned on a whim, but offers nothing back, despite being the one in a precarious position. Backfired.

contacting MNHQ and saying you have been outed in RL/impacting your MH usually does the trick

Report the first post and ask

But before that please try to see why people are saying you're being unreasonable. Try to take on board the criticism.

I mean feel free to start WW3… I think you are losing the battle though OP. I would take a step back and some breathers because it doesn’t sound like you have many people on your side. Stop being defensive and be objective.

What's the weather like in Albert Square?

I am sorry you are upset OP.

But you are focusing on the impact of being 'wronged' by your SiL whilst ignoring the context in which that happened.

You have not been clear here as to what your husband said to your beige, spending it is impossible for anyone to know whether your sil was being reasonable to be offended by his 'jokes'.

Your SiL discussing your dh criminal record is directly as a result of him making these jokes and you complaining about her reaction to your brother.

It is impossible for anyone here to see you as a victim of your SiL here without having the very necessary detail behind it all.

@Allthewineandallrhedrinksnice user name. Doesn’t vape ✅doesn’t drink ✅does marathons ✅ does charity ✅ lawyer ✅what a cow ! I’d start www3 too 🙄

I can’t believe what I’m reading 🤣

As for him being imprisoned for doing something to a child

She hasn't said this!

OK I get people may wonder why I'm being so pedantic about the wild interpretations here - and obviously if his conviction was for harming a child then condemnation of his is 100% justified - but being careful how you interpret vague statements and word placement matters!

It matters because before you know it you end up in a situation where we're condemning a person without knowing any of the facts, based on very very little and whole heap of prejudice.

It matters because jumping the gun like this is what leads to situations like the riots against migrants where even children were attacked.

Now obviously posters here aren't rioting or about to but the temperature on this thread is being escalated in much the same way the op inflamed things with her sister in law.

It doesn't help anyone, it just creates a cloud of high emotions and mistrust.

We all know how binary and inflammatory social media is and for the sake of our children who are growing up with it, we all share a responsibility to read carefully and moderate out immediate emotional reactions.

If we want the internet to be less of dangerous cesspit, we all have a part to play.

You had the right not to see her. But she doesn't have the right to have some space in another room?

You escalated the issue when it wasn't needed. Completely overreacted.

If i was sil and had been keeping it civil for sake of dh then you and ex criminal husband go no contact with her I would have a rant to friends too. She likely didnt realise they were also school mums. Or she didnt care. But why should she.

If she did anything wrong it was be a bit over sensitive to a comment. But as you wont tell us the comment I suspect you know it was rude.

She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesn't drink doesn't vape does charity.

Ahhh!!! - I know the type, in our house we call them decent human beings. Sorry OP, she sounds like well rounded person, you sound like a bitter, jealous vaper who is married to a bloke that’s done time.

The number 1 problem is that in the best case scenario, you didn't even find out what he said, you just blindly went to war to spitefully punish her for daring to be offended by him. It was beyond stupid.

And I think you're vulnerable because all you have is this man and you've cut off family and are now being shunned by friends and are all alone. For him. You're vulnerable to isolation and abuse and you don't even see it, it's tragic.

She was probably upset about what he said so spoke about it at work and mentioned the context of it. ie. His previous involving a child.

I voted YABU before even reading because of WW3 in the title.

But then I read your post… still YABU

She is one of the goodies does marathons, doesnt drink doesnt vape does charity

WTF is wrong with you? so now you're judging her because she isnt getting pissed all the time and isnt destroying her lungs and on track to get COPD?

But yet your husband committed a literal criminal offence towards a child and he is great and worthy of forgiveness.

The cognitive dissonance here is just breath taking.

And you're still not getting it are you!

I feel that all of you are just like mini SILs in here so thats why you dont see it my way.
She gets a free pass to be horrible saying something that has a big impact on my daily life.

Just because we don't agree with you and are pointing our your part in this and how you're responsible, we are all mini SIL!!

Grow up!

Have a cry and think about what people are saying to you!