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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eating beef in the house

231 replies

Frazzled252 · 26/02/2026 19:09

Partner is an atheist but was raised Hindu and is very aggressive about me eating beef. I have told him I will eat beef as it’s his belief not mine. I ate it in the house tonight and he has called me an a**ehole and is demanding I throw away the plate and cutlery I ate it on, yet he goes to many restaurants where they serve beef and eats on those plates. AIBU?

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 26/02/2026 19:11

Do you really want to be with someone like this, you don't sound compatible.

Original poster
Frazzled252 · 26/02/2026 19:12

2dogsandabudgie · 26/02/2026 19:11

Do you really want to be with someone like this, you don't sound compatible.

He has no problem sitting next to me in a drive thru while I eat a Big Mac it’s just the plates. Doesn’t usually come up. I just can’t understand it especially as he is an atheist

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 26/02/2026 19:12

I think if my partner was very against eating beef, I’d just not eat it at home.

Then I could still enjoy it, but not wind them up about it.

mindutopia · 26/02/2026 19:16

Did you not discuss this before you moved in together?

I am Jewish and was vegetarian when I met Dh. The rule was no meat in my house (when we lived separately). When we moved in together, I wouldn’t cook meat, but didn’t care if he cooked something separate for himself. But no pork at all in the house (he was fine to eat it when out). I am not particularly observant, but them was the rules. He always had the choice to not live with me or not be in a relationship with me, but I was very clear from the get go.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2026 19:17

If my partner called me an arsehole, he would no longer be my partner.
I don’t know why so so many women choose being in relationships with men who are horrid to them over being single.

Imbrocator · 26/02/2026 19:18

I might be willing to accommodate his (irrational) preferences out of love and respect, but I would not be prepared to be with someone who was so disrespectful as to call me an arsehole over it.

Ifeelsickagain · 26/02/2026 19:19

MidnightPatrol · 26/02/2026 19:12

I think if my partner was very against eating beef, I’d just not eat it at home.

Then I could still enjoy it, but not wind them up about it.

Me too. Why can’t you be a bit more considerate to your partners strong feelings about this, OP?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 26/02/2026 19:20

He sounds awful but you also don't sound like you're cut out to be in an intercultural relationship.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/02/2026 19:21

I think you’re both being unreasonable.
While it does on the face of it seem odd that an atheist would care, if you’re raised as a Hindu perhaps it’s somewhat similar to how we might react to someone eating dog.

If the idea of eating from plates he knows have been used for beef turns his stomach, perhaps a compromise might be that you have some distinctive plates and cutlery you can use and he doesn’t?

Tel12 · 26/02/2026 19:22

Seems quite a small ask if it upsets him so much.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 26/02/2026 19:22

Keep it aside as your special beef plate?
my mum is veggie and she would have separate pans for cooking meat in.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/02/2026 19:24

Ltb

Hellohelga · 26/02/2026 19:26

He called you an arsehole because you ate beef? Dump him.

MagneticSquirrel · 26/02/2026 19:26

No way would I put up with this especially if I’d already said I’d be continuing to eat beef in my own home before moving in togethe. He had the choice to move with you and is now calling you an a*hole? I’d dump for that alone.

And then the hypocrisy around being ok eating in restaurants with “beef plates” but not at home makes no sense … he’s just being an a*hole himself!

Anywherebuthere · 26/02/2026 19:27

Personally I would be mindful if household members had a problem with something. But I think the consumption of beef in the house should be the least of your worries right now. The response to it is a bigger issue.

SlouchyBeanie · 26/02/2026 19:27

While it does on the face of it seem odd that an atheist would care, if you’re raised as a Hindu perhaps it’s somewhat similar to how we might react to someone eating dog

I was initially about to post that I'm vegetarian but have never had a problem with my husband or children eating or cooking meat in the house.

However, I would draw a huge massive line at rabbit or dog.

I'm not as chilled as I thought.

Quine0nline · 26/02/2026 19:27

A Hindu atheist, or an atheist Hindu?

Reminds me of a person stopped in a bad part of Belfast
"Are you a proddy or a Catholic?"
"Neither actually, I'm an atheist"
"Aye but are you a proddy atheist or a Catholic atheist?"

Flannelfeet · 26/02/2026 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

meganorks · 26/02/2026 19:34

I think you both sound like you are being arseholes to be honestly. And this really sounds like something you should have ironed out before living together!

If my husband felt that strongly about not eating beef in the house then I wouldn't do it. Not that big a deal. Surely you eat most meals together anyway. I'd just eat beef when out.

Him calling you an arsehole also seems out of order. But unless this whole beef eating issue is new, you are on the wind up.

Boxthree · 26/02/2026 19:39

SlouchyBeanie · 26/02/2026 19:27

While it does on the face of it seem odd that an atheist would care, if you’re raised as a Hindu perhaps it’s somewhat similar to how we might react to someone eating dog

I was initially about to post that I'm vegetarian but have never had a problem with my husband or children eating or cooking meat in the house.

However, I would draw a huge massive line at rabbit or dog.

I'm not as chilled as I thought.

I think this is it. It's not that he has a religious problem with the beef (as he's not religious) it's that for him, cows are just not food, in the same way that dogs aren't for us, but are elsewhere.

I'd like tosay no one gets to call you an arsehole and stay, but if he's asked nicely multiple times and you've ignored him, maybe he's not wrong?

Cloudysky81 · 26/02/2026 19:41

How has this not come up before between you. It’s the kind of issue that should be resolved before moving in together.

You’re both in the wrong. You shouldn’t have eaten beef knowing it would upset him so much, he shouldn’t have called you an arsehole.

Tacohill · 26/02/2026 19:44

Why not just buy a different colour plate and only eat beef off of that.

I would do something similar if my DP had dietary requirements.
You say yourself that he’s fine going to restaurants etc and do using a certain colour plate will be a happy compromise.

Cherrytree86 · 26/02/2026 20:15

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 26/02/2026 19:20

He sounds awful but you also don't sound like you're cut out to be in an intercultural relationship.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack

why doesn’t she? Because she exercises her autonomy as an adult to eat what she likes? It’s not like she’s imposing her views on him

ErrolTheDragon · 26/02/2026 20:19

Cherrytree86 · 26/02/2026 20:15

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack

why doesn’t she? Because she exercises her autonomy as an adult to eat what she likes? It’s not like she’s imposing her views on him

Show quote history

She is though. She’s imposing her view that she doesn’t need to be considerate of his revulsion about beef.

Bearbookagainandagain · 26/02/2026 20:22

If he was religious I would say YABU, but given that he isn't then it's purely about respecting a tradition for the sake of it with no meaning behind it...
It could be a "habit" which I could kind of understand, but him being so aggressive about it is a red flag to me.