Eating beef in the house

[Frazzled252]

Partner is an atheist but was raised Hindu and is very aggressive about me eating beef. I have told him I will eat beef as it’s his belief not mine. I ate it in the house tonight and he has called me an a**ehole and is demanding I throw away the plate and cutlery I ate it on, yet he goes to many restaurants where they serve beef and eats on those plates. AIBU?

I’m also Jewish and my DH is not. From the outset I said that I was not comfortable having pork/bacon/ham in the house which he accepts. I have no problem with him eating it out of the house, and he usually goes to his mum on a Sunday morning for bacon rolls with her.
The thought of bacon in the fridge makes me shudder, and I really hate the smell of it cooking. He hates the smell of fish cooking, so I don’t cook it in the house, but do eat it if we are out.

No, I wouldn’t be happy having someone eat dog in my house unless it were a hotdog or something . . .

In the case of this particular poster, whatever moral/philosophical objections she has to her partner eating meat in the house, she’s overcome/compromised on/made peace with. So, I’m not sure, why she has an objection to pork, when she’s not particularly observant. It seems like from her post, allowing chicken or other meat is a concession whilst allowing pork is total surrender. It just seems like some arbitrary rule to exert control.

I disagree.
Forcing your belief whether cultural, religious or personal on someone else is intolerant.

Someone forbidding their "partner" from eating pork or beef or whatever in their own home is intolerant behaviour. Telling them they can eat it outside the home is frankly disrespectful. That's not a compromise. A compromise is they both eat what they like in their own home and neither imposes their irrational beliefs on the other.

Flip it around.
Imagine the beef-eater insisting their non-beef-eating partner eat beef because they do. Not nice.

Arbitrary in the same way that you not liking the idea of eating dog is arbitrary?

My husband loves rabbit and suckling pigs - I personally choose not to eat either. That's my choice. I don't have any issue with him eating either in our home or using plates that have been cleaned in the dishwasher that he used to eat a little bunny rabbit on. The boyfriend needs to grow up.
Respecting other people's religions or cultures does not mean you have to adhere to them too. That's a wholly intolerant expectation.

They can eat all the other meats. But just have beef outside the home. That's fair to me. Beef isn't good for the heart anyway.

It's not fair because one person in the partnership is dictating what the other person can or cannot do in their own home.

Fairness means they both get to eat what they want at home.
She's not imposing her eating habits on him - she's not forcing him to eat beef.
That would also be unfair.

Another solution would be that the boyfriend leave the house when his girlfriend is eating beef at home so that she can enjoy it properly without him throwing a hissy fit.

It's a shared house. I think he's being fine. I agree with it anyway. Beef is extremely bad for the heart. He doesn't want beef eaten at home. She can just eat it outside.

In general terms, I agree that it can be intolerant to force your personal beliefs on others. But insisting that your partner should tolerate having something in their own home which makes them feel deeply uncomfortable is as much an attempt to force your beliefs onto them, so it isn't quite as simple as you might think.

It is not intolerant to maintain your own boundaries - whether those boundaries relate to being free to eat whatever you might want to eat or whether they relate to things that you're not comfortable having in your own home. And if you find that your boundaries are incompatible with someone else's, then there is nothing remotely intolerant about deciding that you would prefer to just walk away.

He knew OP ate beef early on and it didn't stop him living with her.

Insisting she stop eating beef in her own home means he is not as tolerant as he thought even though he is atheist. The sensible thing is to part company as this issue is likely to get worse over time as he rediscovers other religious values he want to impose on OP and any children they have despite being atheist on paper.

I agree that the sensible thing is for them to part company because they are obviously incompatible.

I don't think we actually know what discussions they may or may not have had before they moved in with each other, or whether this is a recent change or an ongoing disagreement etc. As I've said, I think the atheism/religion aspect is irrelevant as the aversion to eating beef is cultural as much as it is religious.

And yes, he might well have known that she ate beef before moving in with her, and not had any desire to control what she ate, but he feels differently about having beef in his own home.

I think people are seeing this as him trying to control what the OP eats. I don't think it is that, I think it's about controlling what comes into the sanctuary of his own home. I can relate to this because I couldn't give a shit what other people eat and I don't judge anyone for eating whatever they like, but the signt of raw meat makes me feel physically sick and I would be deeply uncomfortable about someone keeping this in my house. If my DH suddenly decided that he wanted to start eating meat and bringing it into our home, I would be really uncomfortable with that and I would not want to share a kitchen with him any more.

This.
I’d also love to know if this was the first time you did it, or the 1000th where (although his language wasn’t his best performance), an outburst may have been warranted.

Recent studies dispute that assertion.
There is little difference in cholesterol levels in lean cuts of red meat and chicken.

It’s completely irrelevant anyway. Entirely up to the OP whether she wants to eat unhealthy food or not.

Not just a hissy fit but demanding that I throw away the plates, cutlery and air fryer and replace them all. Needless to say it’s over.

Definitely bin him keep the stuff!

Oh yes, keep the air fryer not him!

He needs help if someone eating beef near him is a trigger.

That kind of nonsense only happens when religious beliefs are given a special status no matter how irrational they are.

Most religious beliefs are totally irrational and make no sense in the modern world. They date from a time when people were uneducated, we didn't have hygienic ways of farming animals or processing meat products etc.

Cows were sanctified as a means to stop rural communities from killing and eating the family cow leaving them with no means to plough their field or get milk. It's not relevant in the UK or most of the developed world and anyone who is atheist will understand that. Like most people I was brought up with a lot of nonsensical beliefs and I've managed to ditch every last one.

I don't think he needs help, he needs the bin.
This is using religion to try and control the Op.

Cows, especially, are a real nuisance and danger on the roads in India. So many motorists colliding into them and suffering injuries and death. Plus they shit all over the place—adding to the filth and stench that already exists. Simply disgusting. This sanctification of them really has to stop.

He’s controlling, and staking out your boundaries. Run for the hills.

Hinduism is a beautiful religion and has given a lot to science.

Not true - that's just your opinion dude.

What is just my opinion? Again, you haven't said specifically what you disagree with.

Saying that people don't understand when we simply disagree.