Eating beef in the house

[Frazzled252]

Partner is an atheist but was raised Hindu and is very aggressive about me eating beef. I have told him I will eat beef as it’s his belief not mine. I ate it in the house tonight and he has called me an a**ehole and is demanding I throw away the plate and cutlery I ate it on, yet he goes to many restaurants where they serve beef and eats on those plates. AIBU?

Her? He’s calling her an asshole!!

For heaven’s sake, really?

So OP’s husband can be aggressive and call her an asshole?

Yes. Did you read the bit of my post where I said that he sounds awful?

What's your point, exactly?

She’s vegetarian, but she’s not averse to having meat cooked in the house.
She’s not “particularly observant,” yet she’s averse to having pork cooked in the house. Doesn’t make sense.

I understand what atheist means. I am one.

I also understand that the aversion to beef is as much cultural as it is religious. What part of culture do you not understand?

As I said in my original post, he sounds awful. But I disagree that it is controlling to not want certain types of meat in your house.

I don’t allow pork in the house either. I think if you partners culture has a sacred animal it’s poor form to eat it in the house.

As someone from a background where a lot of people don’t eat beef he’s being completely fucking unreasonable. If he’s an atheist then he doesn’t believe that you are polluting the plates. Honestly he needs to get a fucking grip, also it’s not ok for him to be so controlling about this, I would see this as a red flag tbh, I have family members who are vegetarian for religious reasons and don’t try to enforce this on others. I’m an atheist, I genuinely don’t believe there is any difference between eating a cow or any other animal, it’s contradictory nonsense.

Throw this one back, if he has such string feeling about habits you may find he has strong feelings about other things that don’t make sense later as well.

He’s a bit of a dickhead tho

This gave me food for thought actually (excuse the pun)

It makes perfect sense if you have a basic understanding of how culture affects us all.

Would you be happy to have someone eating dog in your house?

To be honest I think you could be a lot more tolerant in a blended-culture household. Is it a big deal not to eat beef at home??? Seems to me that there are plenty of other meats if you want to respect your partners beliefs.

However he shouldn’t have resorted to calling you an ar@@… . Sounds like you need to have a grown up discussion about the key values in your relationship.

I wont force a vegetarian/vegan or whatever the latest trend it is to eat what they choose not too

I will not be forced to eat or not eat something in my own house

and I say the same for others

I agree with the DP tbf. I know a Hindu couple, wife is veg, husband is non-veg. The family rule is that he eats meat only outside of the house. The house is veg.

If you can have chicken, lamb, fish pork etc at home but just not beef.... Maybe compromise?

I wouldn’t want to eat off a plate that had dog served up on previously, so I guess I can see his point. Can you keep separate crockery for beef plates?

It is if the aversion is religious (which it is) and the person objecting claims to be an atheist (which he is). I would not think it’s acceptable for someone to inflict their cultural beliefs on me and expect me to live like I sign uo to their beliefs. The niqab is cultural not religious, would it be acceptable for a man to demand a woman complies woth it to respect his cultural sensibilities?

Just get some paper plates!

Not giving up sirloin steak for any man!

he can cook for himself, use his own precious plate and cutlery, and wash it himself.

or better still, sling his hook.

I think the relationship is over. As many people agree he is unreasonable I feel sane. I didn’t know if it was just me. I don’t like sushi, I don’t forbid him from eating it in the house.

Do you or he wear leather? Is he reacting like this because in his culture its like eating a cat or an elephant or a dolphin, horrific in a way you might not understand? Or do you think hes just being controlling and you might even be winding him up on purpose. A proper heart to heart to understand whats at play here might help clarify things for you.

Exactly. Mumsnet needs to get a grip here, if this was a white man calling a white woman an asshole I don’t think the response would be the same. He doesn’t get a free pass for being exotic. I’ve been married to a brown man as a brown woman for ages and he’s never called me a single derogatory name. It is not ok. Don’t tell women they have to accept men being awful to them because of “their culture”. brown men should not be held to lower standards, it’s insulting and it’s the racism of low expectations.

the whole think is like a white guy saying “I’m an atheist but in this house we fast for lent”. Doesn’t make any sense does it.

He wears leather. His parents made him
promise not to eat beef and I think it’s some deep rooted guilt, despite him admitting that he doesn’t believe a cow is any more sacred than anything else. He isn’t a vegetarian either, it’s just beef he won’t eat. I’m kind of glad. Made the decision to leave easier.

It is as much cultural as it is religious, though.

And no, it is not acceptable for anyone to force their cultural beliefs on anyone, but if you choose to be in a relationship with someone, then a degree of compromise on both sides is required to make it work.

And no, the niqab is not a good comparison. The DP is not trying to control what the OP eats by telling her that she cannot eat beef full stop - that would be controlling. But he is simply asking her not to eat it in their shared home. She doesn't have to agree to that request if she doesn't want to, but if they can't find a compromise that will work for both of them, then the relationship may not be very sustainable.

Good for you, it’s this now, it’ll be something else later. Not all asian men are like this at all, my asian husband is nothing like this stupid, it’s just this one. I would be telling my daughter to dump someone this ridiculous because eventually he’ll ask you to comply with something else and then something else. I’m an atheist, so is DH, we have never ever had anyone fainting over meat or alcohol etc etc. we have some cultural instincts and sometimes we differ but we can talk like grown ups and we don’t ever try to coerce each other.

As he's an atheist he's being a complete and utter hypocrite. But even if he wasn't, he's being a complete and utter knob end. I'm not surprised you feel like this is over, OP.

Beef isn't very healthy anyway. Just eat some chicken. Beef has cholesterol and has higher risks of cardiovascular disease.