Eating beef in the house

[Frazzled252]

Partner is an atheist but was raised Hindu and is very aggressive about me eating beef. I have told him I will eat beef as it’s his belief not mine. I ate it in the house tonight and he has called me an a**ehole and is demanding I throw away the plate and cutlery I ate it on, yet he goes to many restaurants where they serve beef and eats on those plates. AIBU?

It’s one thing that he doesn’t want in his house. If you had any respect for your partner, you would do that.

Tbh I’m not surprised he called you an arsehole when you stuck your finger up at something he feels strongly about.

I don’t eat pork. DH does. Of course we go to places where it’s served but my home is my space and my sanctuary. I don’t want pork invading that. DH is respectful of that and will not buy anything with pork for our home.

It’s hardly a huge ask.

He tells you (and probably himself) he is an atheist but obviously some of the beliefs are deep seated. In any case, it is his reaction that is the problem not his religion.

You need to sit down calmly and see if any of the available options are acceptable to you both - you stop eating beef at all, you stop having it in the house, you eat it in the house on an allocated plate, you eat it whenever wherever. If you can't find an acceptable compromise, you need to live separately.

The second issue, you need agreement on acceptable behaviour around arguing - do you both find being aggressive and calling people names like arsehole OK? If you can't set some rules and stick to them it doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.

But you didn't marry your DH despite him clearly disagreeing with you on the pork issue, so this is hardly comparable.

People have every right to hold whatever views they like on particular foodstuffs in the home, but if they choose to marry someone who doesn't agree with them it makes them the arsehole if they then try and berate them out of being what they knew they were when they married them. If her DH had been as as sensible as you have then there'd be no issue!

He's either an atheist or a Hindu. Can't be both.

why did you move in together?

How is eating beef more offensive than calling your spouse an a**hole ??!!!

Mooove in together you mean (sorry bad taste)

Seems straight forward enough to have a "beef plate" in your house, and only cook it when he's out. Or just eat it out of the house, as it's his home too 🤷‍♀️ I mean... we only eat beef maybe once a week at ours, it's not an integral part of our lives! Just eat something else?

My SIL is disgusted by pork, for cultural reasons, and we all try to be a bit sensitive around it when we see her. My brother does still have pork, but never in the house. Same as she is respectful over things that are important to us. Same as we all try to be generally nice and not piss off people we care about.

Not ideal that he called you an arsehole, but in the world outside of MN I think most people have snapped at their partner at some point. If you're both constantly swearing at and antagonising each other, that's a bigger deal and needs addressing.

Well maybe your colleague was right. Ordering a steak that “bled all over the plate” is nothing to boast about. You seem to think what you did was funny. I wonder if you’d find a slaughterhouse funny? I knew someone who worked in a slaughterhouse. He is now a strict vegetarian and still has nightmares about the things he saw.

You aren't compatible. I couldn't accept someone telling me what I could and couldn't eat at my own table, not be mention facing insults if I wanted to eat beef using my own plates and cutlery.

This is why living with someone who has beliefs so incompatible with your own is usually a bad idea.

Throw HIM away

Dear God. I honestly don’t know how people have the time or energy to be wound up over such stupid things. The man’s an atheist FFS. And even if he wasn’t how do people live with this nonsense? Life is short. Tell him to focus on stuff that actually matters. He’ll be dead soon. We’ll all be dead soon.

What bit of atheist don't you understand?

The guy is a controlling prick. He sits next to you when you eat a big Mac in the car but not happy at home if you eat beef? That's just odd and I think away to control you.

He's being a dickhead.

My friend is married to a Jewish woman so doesn’t eat pork etc in the house but being an atheist (born Jewish) he would nip around for a ham sandwich especially during Passover when they don’t eat levened bread. He knew his wife’s views and respected them in the house

Geeee you must get lots of party invites.

So you would be happy for me to work with you and constantly criticise your food choices. O look that's got 250 calories in. O that's got lots of palm oil that's bad for the planet. Soya milk, that kills orangutans. Nuts o you can't eat nuts in public because someone might have a nut allergy

It drives you fucking mental

I am Jewish and grew up keeping kosher. Stopped for myself at 13 but of course still lived with my parents. There is something intrinsically different about seeing something on your own plates even if it doesn’t bother you elsewhere.

but all this should have been discussed before you moved in together. I have plenty of friends with all sorts of dietary choices, many who are different to their partners, and they figure it out. No need for either of you to be nasty about it.

Don't eat beef?
It's bad for you, the planet, and your relationship.

My ex is Muslim and I am not, but didn’t cook pork at home whilst I lived with him. He would have a problem with the plate thing too.

Oooh controversial thread poster disappears.

Who'da thought it?

I can't believe how many people seem to support your husband.

What if he told you what to wear or how to do your hair??

It's controlling behaviour and so is telling you what to eat in the house. Calling you an asshole because you won't do what he tells you is verging on abuse.

It 100% depends on what was agreed beforehand. My parents kept a kosher home and my dad agreed to that before they were married. It would therefore be super problematic if he just brought home some shrimp one day. But if they agreed they could each do what they liked then it’s really awful to lose your temper like that over nothing.

If he’s happy to put up with it in restaurants, he should bloody well put up with it at home.

You both need to learn some respect.