MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

To be honest, Mother's Day means far more to me now, as the parent of adults, and a grandmother.
When kids fly the nest and they're, quite rightly, occupied with their jobs and families, the fact that they take a bit of time to show their love and appreciation means the world to me.

I'm fortunate that they live near enough to have their own Mother's Day before they visit me late afternoon.

I don't think it is at all. I'm not DH's mum. It's about me for my DC. It's about my mum for me and MIL for DH.

Then why say those things as your reasoning if OP Didn’t say it? She never said she was mad either 🤪 in fact she used laughing emojis

who were you talking about if not the Op?

she thinks it’s odd behaviour - which it is - summon your 5 adult children without their partners who are mothers too - bizarre when they have their own families - which is why it was declined immediately

she didn’t say anything about Narcisist/batshit or whatever else you’ve said

Because young kids need support to do stuff for their mums on Mother’s Day - and that is dads role

Is there a backstory? Do the siblings live in different counties/countries and get time all together with their mum? Has their mum been ill recently? Or has she form for being difficult? Do you have form for being difficult?

I suggest compromise. You and your DH and kids go out for brunch and then he can go see his mum and siblings. Or he and his siblings go for brunch with their mum and then he goes out to dinner with you and your kids.

Genuinely, you really don't know that you'll feel that way when it actually happens.

Before I had kids there were all kinds of things I was never going to do with my babies/children/teenagers. But the reality was different. The feelings were different.

And now I look back and wish that we'd made more effort to see my wonderful MIL on Mother's Day back then, because I now know what it really feels like to be the mother of adults who are parents themselves.

It’s fine to want an afternoon with your children. However if it were me and my kids had DC and partners of their own I’d definitely plan my event on another day besides Mother’s Day!

But isn’t she allowed to see her children without their partners?

They all make cards at school. They don't need any extra help getting those out of their bags and handing them over. Job done.

Oh don’t be ridiculous

You’re reading comprehension clearly needs some work, you realise there are more replies on this thread than just the op posts right? Did it cross your mind that maybe, just maybe, my response was about those replies?

@saraclara my issue is more the telling rather than asking, and the not wanting to see anyone other than your DC, without at least checking what your DC are doing

Why would you want to - it’s a bit weird - I can’t imagine my stepmum saying to her son don’t bring your wife - very weird

I'm not. That's all MD means to me. It's nice. Sometimes there's two cards from each of them if they've done one at Cubs/Brownies as well. Job, as I said, done!

Well that seals it then, yes, very rude.

The fact that the DH was able to say ‘no sorry i’ve got plans’ and there doesn’t seem to have been any backlash from the mil kicking off I’d say it wasn’t really the mil telling her son what he was doing.

You were talking about your own set up and fantastic partner so very much about you - I was talking direct to op and you decided to butt in with a defensiveness about your fantastic partner (so better than others who are lazy I believe you said) spa day stuff 😂

comprehended fine 👍

I won't disagree that time and living changes outlook.

But I am pretty certain I don't want to be like this.

For my own personal reasons, I just want a constructive and healthy relationship with my kids as adults. I certainly wouldn't be making these types of plans without checking, about anything, and then excluding partners. For me, that feels so presumptive and entitled.

It's just not how you go about keeping decent relationships.

We need unhinged adding to the bingo list.

Maybe you and DH could take her out for breakfast so that he still sees her but you and the kids are included?

In our household we take MIL out for breakfast, see my mum for lunch and then we have a nice tea for me at home. We’re lucky to all live close together though.

the mil is making me think of Bridget’s mum In the first movie - wanting attention

If MIL has five children, each with a partner and kids, I don't see an inclusive mother's day afternoon tea to ever be in her future!

I can imagine that she'd love quality time just with her kids. But she should probably have chosen the Saturday.

She was probably stunned to be disagreed with

sounds like her son has the measure of her

Totally with you on this, I’d much, much rather have the handmade cards from my kids than one bought from a shop anyway. Their faces when they give them to me, the secrecy of not being allowed to look in their school bags the day they bring them home. DH will help them choose flowers and we’ll have a chilled day.

This year in fact I’ll be spending my MD morning sitting in my car whilst they do gymnastics then we’ll see my mum and DH’s mum in the afternoon.

I’m off now 👋

have a lovely Mother’s Day OP - yes she is rude!

love to know who is doing the washing up 😂😂