MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Ofc mil should either: invite everyone, or set it the day before or weekend after if she just wants her own (adult) kids over.

Where does she live? My DD has her mother's day at home with her kids in the morning, and then my DDs and DGDs visit me in the afternoon. The sons in law are obviously welcome, but might be seeing their own mums.

If this is a tea and not a long way from you, isn't there time for you to have your day, and her to have her couple of hours?

Mother’s Day is about spending time with your mother.
Im sorry your mum isn’t here any more but your husbands is -why shouldn’t he be with HIS mum on Mother’s Day as she won’t be here forever and you have your children with you on Mother’s Day.
It’s not called ‘husbands spending their time with their wives and kids day’.
Why shouldn’t the mother of sons have their sons with them on Mother’s Day!!

AYBU? Yes, absolutely you are - not only do you want YOUR kids with you, you want someone else’s child with you too.

Strange "proudly childfree" comment on a mums chat site. 🤔

😂

Mother’s Day is a full day. Afternoon tea is only probably for a few hours. Surely there is time for adults to both spend time with their partner and their mother.
If I was asked what I would like for Mother’s Day time with my children would be high on the list.

I feel that if she had invited all the partners, you might be posting that MIL has the audacity to want you to spend Mother’s Day with her (I would 😁).

I don’t think it’s a big deal tbh, I’m trying to persuade DH to visit his mum for the day so I can have a chill-out day with the DC.

I used to get annoyed about situations like this, especially as my birthday occasionally falls on Mother’s Day, but somehow with age I CBA to sweat the small stuff anymore.

Husband deserves a gold star!

She wants to spend Mother’s Day with her children. I could understand you being annoyed if she invited other partners of her children and just not you but that’s not the case.

Yes she didn’t really think it through properly and take into account that her children might have plans with their children etc but it’s not the crime of the century.

If it's a tea then I suppose she might think they will have already had a nice day.

I can't understand the importance of these days when you are supposed to care about people, I'm happy to see my kids any day.

Years ago she said not quite recently

You're definitely not being unreasonable. I've seen this type of thing before and I'm glad your DH has your back. It's not so much asking to spend time with her adult children, who are also parents, it the dictating and the expectations placed on them. My dh has one brother and one sister and my goodness, it's like major arrested development when it comes to these things. Passive aggressive behaviour goes off the scale.i long for more people to take inlaw dynamics seriously instead of minimising things like this that can escalate. Sending big hug OP

Given that you have children I consider your MILs request to be utterly selfish.

It's not unreasonable for her to want to spend time with all of her children, but this could be an arrangement made on any day.

I'm sorry for your loss 💐 in that case, her excluding you seems particularly insensitive 😔

Surely mother's day is much more of a thing for parents with young kids ie. when the mother is still doing the "mothering" more actively. It would be fine if her children didn't yet have children of their own - but if they do then either accept that the mother doing the mothering right now takes priority, or create an event to celebrate everyone. You DH sounds sensible and your MIL does not.

That would be the kind of stunt my MIL would pull so I’m sure there’s plenty more that have had to endure that sort of batshittery.

She's mad. Mothers who are actively parenting every day get priority on Mother's Day. Your children are still young and husband should be spending the day helping them celebrate you.

If it's possible to invite grandma's, that's a nice thing to do. But they had their time to be the main consideration.

Im glad I have never taken any notice of Mothers Day if this is the type of angst which happens

Unbelievable and incredibly selfish. You should share it. Wouldn't it have been nice for you, your husband, and your children to go and share it?

Me too. Honestly the upset you see on here about Christmas/birthdays/Valentine's day/Mother's day is sad but not worth it.

FFS - are some of you mad - if you are married mothers day is about your mum, your partners mum and your kids mum but mostly about your kids mum!

Maybe she hasn't got the space if she's got five children, if they all have a partner and a couple of kids that would be 20. I wouldn't even have enough cups let alone chairs.

Exactly, if they aren't far, she wants a tea party not 24 hour attendance.

How does she normally do Mother’s Day? Maybe she feels left out as nobody celebrates MD with her anymore? my MIL hates the concept - but DH will still pop by in the morning (as will I with my own mother) and have breakfast before we go off and do our own thing in the afternoon!

I only have son's. When they are grown and have families of their own, I would 100% expect their partners to be their focus on mothers day. The women with small children, or children at home who are undertaking the undoubtedly more intensive part of parenting.

Sorry. Just don't get all this MIL is a mother too/have your celebrations dictated to and reduced by a woman who has not even had the courtesy to check.

I'm glad OPs husband had some sense to not leave his wife to do all the parenting on Mothers Day.

Genuinely very confused by some of the responses. I'm having my time now, it will be about the mother's of my grandchildren in the future.