MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Maybe she’s wanting to sit down with them and let them know her intentions re some kind of inheritance. As previous posters have said- she’s perfectly entitled to invite them and they can attend or politely decline. No biggie.

I organise stuff for just me and my dc.
it’s lovely to have them to myself for a few hours.
I don’t think it’s selfish.

Mother’s day has become a commercial celebration. Bit like fricking Halloween and Valentine’s Day. It’s garbage

Why wait for one day a year to tell your mum you love her ? Let him go with your blessing.

Do something lovely for yourself, there will be other times 🥰

OP would be looking after 3 primary aged kids solo, which is not fertile pampering ground territory. Always the risk that you end up being expected to referee something as soon as you get into the nice hot bath.

I think if it really was just a couple of hours at a convenient time it would have been an ok request.

Mother's Day here isn't until May.

Once when we were visiting ILs & my dad & it happened to be MD, my MIL was outraged that my young kids made a fuss of me as I would be having "my day" in May.

We left her to it & spent the day with my dad.

Absolutely insane! If you didn’t have children then fair enough but she’s basically saying her grandchildren’s mothers don’t matter, only she does. I hope all say no and support their wives.

Id assume that the partners would be seeing their own mums that day

THIS
@ImaMothertoo
a couple of people have already asked, but Did any of mil children agree to this?
it’s very entitled.
my mil also wanted more attention than anyone had time for, but even she wouldn’t have pulled a stunt like this.

OP's mother has died. Luckily, her husband has declined his mum's invitation and will be spending the day with OP and his children.

OP has already confirmed that her own mother has died.

Her MIL has told her children to arrive by 12.00 noon but the afternoon tea is from 2.00 pm to 4.00 pm so she is pretty much expecting OP's DH to be there for most of the day.

Spending Mother's Day on her own with her small children is hardly going to be relaxing for OP.

I think this is a nice idea for your MIL. She has five, now adult, children and would like them to all be together with her and make a fuss of her. Why would she invite you specifically as well? If she did that she’d also have to invite the other four partners plus your kids and theirs. If they all have three kids like you do….that would be a party for 11 adults and 15 kids……
It’s just a day. I wouldn’t make a fuss. Your kids and dh can easily make a fuss of you another day.

Where are your eyes? Where could they be? Where are your eyes? Point to them with me…

I’d get the rest of the family round for a big party (afternoon tea, but you could hype it up) so whilst they’re having time with Mummy, you can all have a fun time. She’ll probably hate being left out!

OP, respectfully, get a life.

Petty? But the MiL isn’t when her DC is an adult?

This has got to be the most cheque cancelly thread in ages.

My DiL booked their last holiday to be away for my birthday (went with her parents as usual) so I think this is a great idea!!!

She sounds mental. I don’t know why so many MILs go out their way to exclude and alienate daughters in law. And her own grandchildren! Could never be me.

Okay, but OP should be able to spend a day with her kids and partner, not being the adult on duty. What's weird about wanting that? If I were MIL, I'd do the same as my mom and first MIL. Include kids' partners, let everyone enjoy the day. MIL seems to have some main character energy.

Assuming she doesn't live a long distance away, I don't think it's that unreasonable to want a couple of hours on her own with her dc all together occasionally. It's not like she asking her kids to bring their kids and to leave you all alone for the day - you will be with your own children.

Now if this was going to involve hours of travel and take up the entire day, that would be more unreasonable, but just because a woman's dc are adult, with their own kids, their mum doesn't stop being their mum. It's not terrible imo that she wants to briefly revisit a time when she had her kids all together and all to herself for a few hours on Mother's Day.

Just to add, your dh doesn't have to arrive at 12 - he could be there for 1.30, leave at 4.

I would be fine with this. She wants a few hours with her own children, alone, on Mother’s Day. The dynamic would be completely different with all the partners and kids there. She is presumably not a young woman. Let her have one day, for goodness sake. Your husband can “spoil you” the day before if that’s what you want, but he should go and be with his mother and siblings as organised as I imagine it rarely happens.

Oh heavens now an invitation is entitled🤣.

you sound difficult. Your life view is no one should go on holiday over your birthday and your son is so weak that while Beowulf never go on holiday over your birthday his wife forced him? And somehow her parents being in on the holiday is also bad!

oh dear.

It would be fine if it was a random day agreed to by everyone
but picking Mother’s Day is putting herself above others and that doesn’t sit right with me at all

If you didn't have kids, no problem.

As you do, bat shit. Unless your kids are adults.