MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Could some have assumed that they would want to see their Mums and take their children with them for that?

Not the OP, I see, but some.

I think it is bizarre behaviour. When you marry, you become part of that family and I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my children – their partner/husband/wife are part of my family too and I would want to see them as well and celebrate all together. It is exclusion and it is hurtful and it is passive aggressive, in my view. Where is the sensitivity here? And if there are children in the marriage, it would be even worse to exclude the partner/husband/wife. What kind of message would that send to the child?

unless she’s planning to hold a seance in order to spend the day with her own mum I don’t think she will be seeing her on Mother’s Day.

People still aren't reading all the OPs posts. Still people saying it's a few hours or go for lunch/brunch. Starts at 12 ends at 4. 45 mins travel each way. That is most of the day and sees OPs husband out of the house from 11am to 5pm.

No it's isn't. It's a four hour event requiring nearly 2 hours of travel time. Approx 11am to 5pm

It's isn't just a few hours. The comprehension of some of the posters on this thread isn't the best.

The event is 12-4 with 45 mins travel each way. So...pretty much a lot of the day.

I may be a bit slow - but I don’t get why this is so outrageous.

she is a mother. None of her adult children are mothers. She wants to have Mother’s Day with her children?

why do you need your husband with you on Mother’s Day? Do you not spend it with your children? Surely he can be there to help the with presents and breakfast and bed. But your not his mother?

sorry - just a bit lost here!

editing to say maybe I am a bit puzzled her because I don’t have children? I am doing Mother’s Day dinner at my house for my family. Of my brother in law doesn’t attend because he is with his mum I would bat an eyelid. It’s his mum.

Obviously the nice thing to do would be to invite everyone and have it as a family get together. But I bet she "has form" for this type of thing.

Just because you settled for less, don't set the bar low for others. My Husband makes an effort for my kids and to show them how to make an effort.

No need for such hostility because others get treated better than you.

My dh has 3 brothers, all have children under 10, and none of them would go to their mums on their own from 11-5 for
Mother’s Day, it wouldn’t even need deciding. Not that my mil would ask them to.

Make sure when he takes her gift that you include a grandma one from the kids to reiterate it all.....!

Don’t do this! If your husband wants his kids to get his mum a Mother’s Day gift let him arrange it!

What's " better". Surely it's the things kids make themselves That's important?

Or was I apparently treated badly as I was a single parent and the stuff my kids did wasnt good enough?

My family has swelled to 7 people which is lovely. Very occasionally my mum, dad, sister and I have dinner together. The original four. It’s lovely.

no one feels excluded - we do lots in different configurations of the new family. Mumsnet is weird - there is always a strong reaction to subsets of families getting together. The invite everyone mantra isn’t always right! It’s okay for a mum to want to spend Mother’s Day with her children - especially when none of them are mums themselves. and this will be the last year she is the only mum in their original nuclear family

I agree. DC make cards at school and at Brownies/Cubs. It's lovely. They are heartfelt and meaningful to them and to me. Being taken out for lunch or getting presents or whatever else it is that other people are doing isn't "better", it's just a different way of marking it to do it with a lot more add-ons. It doesn't get better than a hand-made card as far as I'm concerned.

I think, knowing that you have lost your own mother, it is a bit harsh for her to expect your DH to act as if you don’t exist for the day.

If you were happy that's all that matters.

The person I originally replied to is throwing shade in quite a sneering way about mums that get a bit more than whatever the children make or perhaps enjoy it or expect their husbands to make a little contribution. But got ahead. Take offense at something that literally was not aimed at you or your situation.

Well I wouldve had to be happy wouldn't I?

I'm not offended just asking

Sorry, assumed offense as you made it quite specific to your circumstances.

It is mildly annoying there are so many people here telling OP she SHOULD be happy with XYZ.

Some people genuinely do want their partners and Fathers of their children to demonstrate how they should treat their partners. No. OP is not her husbands Mum. But he has a v important role in setting an example here.

BTW effort in my house isn't gifts or lunch out. It's just making breakfast and maybe going for a lovely walk.

Is that what she is doing? Seems a bit of a leap. Will he be acting like she doesn’t exist, or will he be visiting his mum on part of Mother’s Day?

I see no issue with getting together just original family, but not on big occasions. That's like only inviting your adult children to Christmas day and expecting them to leave their spouse and children at home. It's rude, and if they have any sense they'll tell you no.

If it's for a couple of hours I don't see the problem.
Maybe she just wanted to do one thing with all her children and no partners there is no other day that you could do this really without it being awkward.
It would be a lovely memory.
Women often spend time without their partners with their mother.

OP she is batshit (unless she has found out she is terminally ill?)

you are doing actual intensive mothering and also may be thinking of your own mother. DH should be there to support and celebrate.

It's 12-4 with 45 minutes travel either side so basically 11-5.
It would be fine on a different day

Jesus Christ, OP has only posted 8 times and you can filter comments to see hers. Fair enough if you don’t want to read the full thread, but you should at least read the OP’s comments.

OP expressed (over 24 hours ago) that her mother passed away yet there are still countless posters saying “why don’t you spend it with your own mum?”, “presumably she thought you’d be with your own mum?” etc. It’s insensitive and twatty.

And for the “couple of hours” brigade; OP clarified that it’s 12-4 with 45/60 mins travel time each way. If 6 hours is your definition of a couple of hours then fair fucks, but it’s not mine.