MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

I've seen the update and I think expecting her kids to be there from 12 is unfair, especially as some will need to be getting ready to leave home at around 11. That really doesn't give her grandkids time to do the MD thing with their mum's, so it's not fair on anyone. Sounds like she really didn't think this through.

Maybe she just wants her ‘babies’ there alone on the day so it’s truly just about her and who she brought into the world. But it would have been more respectful and kinder to you to explain why she wants this and say sorry to not offend you.

Sorry, but this is next level batshittery… She is absolutely within her rights to want to have a Mothers Day get-together with her children, but not on Mothers Day when all her children have families of their own…

Gosh. Will all the posters telling OP to visit her mum read the actual thread. She's passed away. So no, she can't use the 7 hours her mother in law wanted her husband to be away from his wife and kids on Mother's day to do that.

You should have read OP’s updates. Her mother is dead so this is an insensitive comment from you.

She wants her children to herself, maybe needs to discuss putting heer affairs in order.

Which is why the whole family should be there. It's batshit because she doesn't want the other mothers in her family, or their kids, present to celebrate.

Does anyone, ever, ask these nutjobs why they behave like that? I mean genuine curiosity… I would love to hear her explanation of why she didn’t even think to consider all the mums with their dc and families…

I would let my dh go. Then I would do something with our children that are still living at home. It's not like your mil wanted him there the whole day.
On mother's day I seldom see my mom for more than a couple hours on the day. My adult children stop around for a visit, but again not for the whole day, just a couple hours.

Does seem a bit odd but frankly, let them go and have an afternoon pampering yourself. In fact, tell them to make an evening of it as well and settle down with a few glasses of wine and some indulgent telly.

I thought YABU when I misread as her birthday then I realised Mother’s Day—oh my. YANBU

Wow that’s brave 😂
Imagine expecting the mother of your grandchildren to look after 3 young kids while your grown adult children fawn over you.. especially knowing your dils mother is dead.
Maybe a call to ask to see her son woukd be nice but imagine booking your own Mother’s Day meal without even checking with anyone. Crazy behaviour

The fact that her kids partners may also be mothers and the husbands are leaving them. Ordinarily you would both visit each others parents together on Mother’s Day.

She's selfish. But we never did meals out on mother's day just visited my mum and mil in the morning and then spent the rest of the day together.
Probably because none of us think we are any more important than anyone else.

So she would like to spend a couple hours in the afternoon on Mother's Day having tea with her children, and your nose is out of joint because she wants to spend some time just with her kids?

Imagine, so rude, expecting a mother to look after her own kids for a couple of hours on Mother's Day so that another mother can have tea with her kids. Simply outrageous narcissistic behavior. Naturally OP will abandon all claim to any part of her own children's time once they reach 18, as is only right.

Lucky escape!

Dynamics change when you are adults with children if your own. You become a couple and should be treated as such. Particularly as the OPs mother has died

Well, all Mothers’ Days are split between generations if daughters have still-living mothers and children of their own. If she’s bagged teatime, that gives you lunch or brunch? I couldn’t get excited about spouses not being invited. Would you really want to do two things?

Wouldn't bother me if it was my MIL but I'm not bothered by mother's day.

It would be interesting to know how the other in laws are reacting to this behaviour from their MIL.

It’s unreasonable for her to monopolise your husband regardless if he is her son, particularly when you’re without your own mother.
I do hope he sees sense and spends his time with who he feels most important is in his life now, which is supporting you on Mothering Sunday.

Bonkers. When is Mother’s Day? I have 2 children. I couldn’t give a fcuk. As usual they will ignore it

It is unusual, but I think it is really hard for parents with adult children to get spend time with them 'on their own' without spouses and children in tow.

My MIL is widowed. When she comes to stay, we always make sure my DH spends time with her without me. It's just easier that they go out as a two, rather than we go out as a three.

A meal is planned for this year with her and her three children. No spouses or grandchildren invited. Seems perfectly reasonable to me

want doesn’t get!

She wants to spend time with her kids on mother's day 🤷
What's mad about that?
Just because she is excluding all partners ! She wants it to be her day only!

Its not the whole day though.
It'll just be a few hours in the afternoon.