MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

[ImaMothertoo]

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself.

She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad !

He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts !

AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Those saying she wants to spend time with her kids ..her kids are now married grown men with their own kid(s)! Your sons now come with wive's who are their priority.

I haven't read the full thread but unless she has form for this sort of bat shittery I would worry she has something important she needs to tell them.

I can see how she may feel that hosting for five children plus their spouses/partners, as well as their own children would be way too much for her. With so many (grown up) kids maybe it’s just her way of getting her brood together for once. Also if she was invited out…which of her children would she choose to go with? Or would you all go en masse, kids and all? (Not likely?). But…she’s not taken account of the fact her children have kids …with mothers!…too. I find Mother’s Day to be an emotional minefield. Your partner also has a mother, in most cases. Who do you see? I kinda feel sorry for her tbh. And I think her son saying ‘other plans’ just seems harsh 😔

Wanting to spend time with your kids on Mother’s Day is fine. You aren’t his mum so by rights he could have gone.

my DH is going the Liverpool game on Mother’s Day! He’s won’t see his mum or me all day 😂

Read up on narcissism - text book example. I am sure she is difficult in a multitude of ways.

Why?

If you and your husband's other sibs have kids then I think she's BU to expect you all to curtail plans on how to celebrate Mother's Day just for her benefit.

But if she'd picked a separate day (say the day before) to celebrate it with her kids, I don't see the issue.

Personally I don’t see anything wrong with this. It’s upto them if they want to go. If my MIL did this I’d send him off and tell him to get her some nice flowers on the way. And I’m not even that close to his MIL but I fully respect she is still his mum and they are very important to each other. And yes we have dc - 2 under 2! I’d just take them with me to see my own mum!

When was the last time it was just her and her children together? I think it's quite lovely, providing it's not the whole day. Is your mother still with you?

...and those comments will be spot on. She knows she is stirring things up - she loves it. This is Mumsnet right so the OP is a mum? She may have little kids and so their dad needs to be there to help make it a special day for their own mum. This older mum could easily invite everyone it is total BS and a way to make her mark on everyone's day to ruin it. I bet my house that she is a narcissist it is so bleeding text book 😂

That bloody word, again😤.
Why can't she have 1 day with her own children,1 day/morming. Why is that selfish or narc..... can't even bring myself to type the bloody word 😂

Correct!

How is it "text book" you do know narcissism is an extreme condition that needs to be diagnosed by a professional? Don't you? Bloody sick of it being flung about on here.😤

Mother's Day is a ludicrous American contrivance invented quite recently to flog overpriced greetings cards and bunches of flowers. The mother referred to in Mothering Sunday is your mother church, i.e. the parish church in which you were baptised, to which you would traditionally return for the service on that particular Sunday. No point anyone getting het up about Mother's Day.

You are correct NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) has to be diagnosed by a professional. But narcissism on the other hand we all have some of it. There is healthy narcissism and then the unhealthy type. It is flung around as finally over the last few years it has come to our attention that it is one of the most common behavioural patterns that explain a lot of our experiences with difficult people. If you don't like the word then let's just say this MIL is not self-aware and has lacked the empathetic ability to think this through - like maybe getting a consensus from others before making such a plan. I still bet any money she has lots of traits like this as it just seems unreasonable especially when the OP and daughter-in-law in question no longer has her mum alive. Would you honestly not invite her in that case?

Okay would you prefer I said selfish, not self-aware, not empathetic enough to know it will upset her own daughter-in-law (also a mother?) and potentially her other sons/daughters who are doing Mother's Day at the house? Can you not see how she should have asked before organising. It is not just her 'special day' for goodness sake. Plus the OP has no mum anymore so how sad to not be her surrogate one just for one day. Nope - this is an unreasonable person and certain characteristics like this (if she has several others) is explained by the word that you dare not utter

With all due respect your MIL is your DH’s mum, and you are not. Why do you want to be included? Surely you want to be with your own DM, and/or your children?

Personally I wouldn't care...I don't think Mothers Day has any real significance and I'd not grudge it. You get to have your dh daily...so what if she wants him and his siblings without you? Wave him off with good grace and refrain from turning a commercial load of crap into a boss contest.

I hate the way mumsnet insists that Mothers Day is really Wives Day.

I"m presuming she thinks the partners (you and other siblings partners) will be doing stuff with your own mums; and she is forgetting you are the mums now...

"This is Mumsnet right so the OP is a mum? She may have little kids and so their dad needs to be there to help make it a special day for their own mum."

No...it's homemade cards from school and daffodils in a jar until your kids are old enough to organise something themselves.
It's not the husband's job ffs. Well it is...but only on mumsnet.

Yes, it's Mothering Sunday and not Mothers' Day.

Then your MIL is doubly rude, if she invited you too and your kids, she could claim its a family celebration but just inviting her son, means she meant to take the mother of his kids away on Mothers Day - bit thoughtless and potentially mean spirited depending on the motivation.

Spending all day on your own with 3 young kids really isn’t the point of Mothers Day.

Seeing my son on MD is so special.

I love that he wants to be with me. It gives us a great chance to check in, to talk and be together. Just us.

It is important that parent/child relationships are maintained.

True. But I think it's more about the rudeness. If mil wants just her children there
.I get that. But she should have said that.