Page 13 | MIL planning her own party and didn’t invite me!

ImaMothertoo · 2026-02-26T18:40:57+00:00

MIL has planned a Mother’s Day afternoon tea party for herself. She called dh to invite him today and made it clear the invite is ONLY for him ! He’s one of 5. She only wants her dc there ! Told him she’s arranged it early so that nobody else makes plans and we (the partners) all have notice 😂😂 she’s mad ! He told her that he already has plans and he will pop round the day before with her gifts ! AIBU to think she’s really rude to do this !

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 13:31

DappledThings · 27/02/2026 13:22

The concept of either of us marking either FD or MD for each other passed me by entirely. By the time DC were old enough to have the smallest inkling of what was happening they were doing themed craft stuff at nursery and then school that came home.

Celebrating when your first child is still a baby and entirely unaware will always be a very odd concept to me.

Unrelated I have never heard of a gentleman's afternoon tea but it gives me unfortunate connotations of euphemistically named gentlemen's clubs and strippers being involved.

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It's just a more masculine version so you do mini pork pies and the sandwiches are bigger and mostly meat. My husband is very secure in his masculinity so won't be threatened if I add some pink fondant fancies lol

It's a nice excuse to do something nice for him

TheignT · 27/02/2026 16:46

brightbevs · 27/02/2026 11:06

Obviously. His mother is his mother, and his wife is a mother to his children. Mother’s Day is about celebrating mothers.

Have you honestly never noted your husband on Father’s Day, as he isn’t your own father? Very odd.

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Not once the children were old enough to make him something or buy him something. As you say it's father's day, why would he expect something from me?

TheignT · 27/02/2026 16:47

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 13:31

It's just a more masculine version so you do mini pork pies and the sandwiches are bigger and mostly meat. My husband is very secure in his masculinity so won't be threatened if I add some pink fondant fancies lol

It's a nice excuse to do something nice for him

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Do you need an excuse? How odd.

LeafyMcLeafFace · 27/02/2026 17:24

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 13:15

What do the posters who think the MIL isn't unreasonable do on fathers day? (Presuming they have children and a husband/partner, and a dad)

This year will be my first mothers/fathers day and I'm excited to make a gentlemans afternoon tea for my husband at home, to thank him for being such a good dad to our baby and partner to me. My dad would be happy with a quick visit on Saturday or a card/message.

As our baby gets older I'll facilitate what they want to do for their dad, and I hope he'll do the same for me

Split the day. Spend a few hours with my dad, because he’s my dad and I love him and he didn’t cease to be my dad when I married another man,

Then spend a few hours with my husband and kids facilitating their time. It’s not rocket science.

A day has 24 hours and unless you live hours apart or are looking for conflict it’s very easy to manage.

Original poster

ImaMothertoo · 27/02/2026 17:34

Sorry just catching up with replies.

Dh brothers all have dc he has one sister who is 6 months pregnant.

MIL wants them all there from 12 then afternoon tea is 2-4 apparently

OP posts:

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:36

@ImaMothertoo do they all live nearby?

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 17:46

TheignT · 27/02/2026 16:47

Do you need an excuse? How odd.

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So combative and miserable, wow

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 17:48

LeafyMcLeafFace · 27/02/2026 17:24

Split the day. Spend a few hours with my dad, because he’s my dad and I love him and he didn’t cease to be my dad when I married another man,

Then spend a few hours with my husband and kids facilitating their time. It’s not rocket science.

A day has 24 hours and unless you live hours apart or are looking for conflict it’s very easy to manage.

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You don't need to be so condescending.

It was more aimed at the people saying OP should be happy for her husband to do nothing because she's not his mother. I couldn't believe people wouldn't help their children make the day special for their spouse.

Original poster

ImaMothertoo · 27/02/2026 17:50

sittingonabeach · 27/02/2026 17:36

@ImaMothertoo do they all live nearby?

A couple do but the others like us are about 45 mins - 1 hour drive away

OP posts:

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 17:51

ImaMothertoo · 27/02/2026 17:34

Sorry just catching up with replies.

Dh brothers all have dc he has one sister who is 6 months pregnant.

MIL wants them all there from 12 then afternoon tea is 2-4 apparently

OP you've brought out a tough crowd lol

I wonder if this is because after this year her daughter will have children and she might want to do her own thing, so your MIL sees this as her last chance to be centred on mothers day?

Is this something typical for her? It might be kind to suggest her children arrange something for her just them on another day if they aren't attending mothers day.

Changename12 · 27/02/2026 18:04

Have all her other children agreed to go?

LeafyMcLeafFace · 27/02/2026 18:06

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 17:48

You don't need to be so condescending.

It was more aimed at the people saying OP should be happy for her husband to do nothing because she's not his mother. I couldn't believe people wouldn't help their children make the day special for their spouse.

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Your question was ‘What do the posters who think the MIL isn't unreasonable do on father’s day? (Presuming they have children and a husband/partner, and a dad)’ It’s hard to answer that genuinely without coming across as condescending because it’s so straightforward. If you meant something other than what you said, you needed to be specific.

PopcornKitten · 27/02/2026 18:08

ImaMothertoo · 27/02/2026 17:34

Sorry just catching up with replies.

Dh brothers all have dc he has one sister who is 6 months pregnant.

MIL wants them all there from 12 then afternoon tea is 2-4 apparently

So DH would have to leave late morning and wouldn’t get back until early evening? its even more unreasonable than I first thought. It’s not a couple of hours at all.

Christmasinmecar · 27/02/2026 18:14

BubbleFree · 26/02/2026 18:51

The threads about Mothers Day on here every year are wild. I think the oddest comment I’ve seen on here over the years was “she’s had her turn”, as if a MIL stops being a mum because a partner comes along.

The comments will soon start calling the woman batshit crazy, narcissistic etc.

I’d happily send DH with the children for an afternoon of peace 🤣

It the misused narc bit that appears on every other thread that makes me.
So many peeps need to look upwhat it actually means before they throw it around.

diddl · 27/02/2026 18:26

MIL wants them all there from 12 then afternoon tea is 2-4 apparently

That's quite a chunk of the day.

Even if it was 2-4 with 15 mins either side to travel it seems an inconvenient time.

TheignT · 27/02/2026 20:38

Anxioustealady · 27/02/2026 17:46

So combative and miserable, wow

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Simple question.

99bottlesofkombucha · 28/02/2026 05:34

DappledThings · 27/02/2026 13:22

The concept of either of us marking either FD or MD for each other passed me by entirely. By the time DC were old enough to have the smallest inkling of what was happening they were doing themed craft stuff at nursery and then school that came home.

Celebrating when your first child is still a baby and entirely unaware will always be a very odd concept to me.

Unrelated I have never heard of a gentleman's afternoon tea but it gives me unfortunate connotations of euphemistically named gentlemen's clubs and strippers being involved.

Show quote history

Well good for you. When my first was a baby I was a new mum in the trenches with endless night wakings, and I bloody well deserved my dh taking time and effort to say you’re a fabulous mum. Just because a tiny baby doesn’t realise it doesn’t mean new mums don’t deserve to be celebrated.

99bottlesofkombucha · 28/02/2026 07:37

NearCanongate · 27/02/2026 00:18

The historical meaning was not connected to mothers in the maternal sense but visiting one's mother church (i.e. where one was baptised). Over time this transmuted into people in service visiting their mothers. But the original religious meaning is the reason it moves because the timing is linked to Easter. A complete tangent to the thread, but shows that it has changed meaning over the years.

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I knew it was something like that but couldn’t be bothered looking it up - thanks!

Sunnyday55 · 28/02/2026 18:10

Is her party actually on Mother’s Day?
if so, yes it’s insensitive as she should know that puts her son in a position of difficulty. If it’s on a different day, then fair enough.
He has more of a duty to you as his wife and your shared children than he does to her on Mother’s Day and she would know this if she gave it a little thought. Perhaps your husband needs to explain this to her.

wordler · 28/02/2026 18:12

@ImaMothertoo How have all the siblings reacted?

ByHeartyHiker · 28/02/2026 18:18

Misleading header...she's not invited any sons or daughters in law, she hasn't just not invited you. Whilst I understand her wanting time with her children, if they all have children it's pretty selfish to monopolise their time on mothers day and she could have arranged for the day or weekend before/after

ITryHarder · 28/02/2026 18:22

Is her health good? Does she appreciate her in-laws and grandchildren when they are around? Is this a one-time or often? Maybe she has a specific reason, or maybe she's just an ass, but I hope the reason your husband declined is so he can spend time with the mother of his children.

Jdh172 · 28/02/2026 18:30

ImaMothertoo · 26/02/2026 18:49

I just feel if she was going to arrange something surely invite everybody?!

She has invited her children. You are not her child. Presumably you have your own mother. Don't see the problem with this to be honest

Boomer55 · 28/02/2026 18:36

This. She just wants her children there. 🤷‍♀️

Jesslovesengineering · 28/02/2026 18:44

At first I thought "ah well, afternoon tea gives her kids the option of breakfast or brunch with their families, so fair enough" but then I saw your post that, despite the tea being 2-4, she's summoning everyone from 12:00. Total dick move. She's hijacking the entire day and ensuring that no other mothers in the family get any kind of break they deserve. Unless she's just found out she's got less than a year to live, she's the high priestess of cheeky f-ery.