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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Went to wedding reception without me

473 replies

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

OP posts:
Diosmonet · 26/02/2026 14:54

I am jealous of this woman as they spent 15 years in an on/off sexual relationship and have remained good friends - and I was sure she would be in attendance - but I feel resigned to the fact she will always be in his life.

You don't have to feel resigned to anything. This is a newish relationship with no obvious investment, so you can simply end it based on the fact that he doesn't much care about you beyond the convenience it affords him.

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 14:54

@Tillow4ever He is not living with me.

OP posts:
FatherDickByrneV · 26/02/2026 14:55
Jonah Hill No GIF by The Taboo Group

Yeah nah

TanquerayTickles · 26/02/2026 14:55

Oh lovely, throw him back. You have been dickmatised, take the goggles off and move on :-)

hypnovic · 26/02/2026 14:57

Shady business get rid

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 14:57

@TanquerayTickles my favorite gin! OMG you're hilarious!! Dickmatised!!!! Love it! and will add to my vocabulary.

OP posts:
JustAnotherWhinger · 26/02/2026 14:58

Caton · 26/02/2026 14:47

@JustAnotherWhinger Nope. I know her because of him - and vice versa in her case.

So the only person that knows about your relationship is the long-term partner he left because your relationship inspired him to do so?

I’d bet good money the rest of his friends and family would see you as the OW.

What good do you actually get out of a relationship with this man?

Yesiamtiredactually · 26/02/2026 14:58

No you are not being unreasonable. Also, who gets a wedding invite on WhatsApp??

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 14:58

@FatherDickByrneV typical kiwi saying....

OP posts:
MeridianB · 26/02/2026 14:59

He sounds really immature and flakey. Don’t waste your time!

TheChicDreamer · 26/02/2026 14:59

He sounds like a walking red flag with very little clue as to how to conduct a normal relationship based on mutual trust and fidelity. In the words of many others op, I’d throw him back. He simply isn’t worth the headspace.

MrsPottscloset · 26/02/2026 15:00

Get rid! I'm sorry to say this but he is using you for a convenient place to stay every now and again.

goz · 26/02/2026 15:00

He only separated from his partner 18 months ago,
I’m not surprised you weren’t invited to his friends wedding last year nor have met his son yet.

NoisyViewer · 26/02/2026 15:05

He’s been with you 18mnths but left his marital home 6 months ago. Could it be he was still with his ex & they fell out after he met you?

Maisey1991 · 26/02/2026 15:06

He separated from his LTP 18 months ago, so how long had you been seeing him for when the wedding reception was? It sounds like you weren’t invited?
however - he does sound suspicious that he’s never introduced you to his friends etc if your planning on buying a house together. Id be wary of proceeding in the relationship until you have a clue about who he is outside of your relationship.

Newyearawaits · 26/02/2026 15:06

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:31

@bunnypenny tbh I'm not sure. I am jealous of this woman as they spent 15 years in an on/off sexual relationship and have remained good friends - and I was sure she would be in attendance - but I feel resigned to the fact she will always be in his life. But again, I'm not sure. I was fairly angry yesterday - and he said my anger was disproportionate - I don't agree that it was...

He is gaslighting you OP, whether he realises or not.
Not met his child?
Didn't tell you about wedding invite? Irrespective of whether you were invited or not?
Had an on /off sexual relationship with another woman whilst with his previous partner?
Wake up and smell the coffee OP. You are worth so much more than this.
Cocktail of emotions but this relationship is coming at a huge cost.
Time to set yourself free OP

Maisey1991 · 26/02/2026 15:07

Yesiamtiredactually · 26/02/2026 14:58

No you are not being unreasonable. Also, who gets a wedding invite on WhatsApp??

Tbf people who don’t want to waste money or paper, on paper invites do digital invites now.

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 15:07

@NoisyViewer No, however it is a possibility.

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 26/02/2026 15:10

He is using you for somewhere to stay.

This isn’t about compartmentalising his relationships. He is compartmentalising YOU.

I had an ex who I was with for about 18 months who never introduced me to any of his friends. He met my friends and my family. He hid me when his dad came over to the house.

This was in my 30’s. I had a career, I had friends. I lived in a beautiful house. I was attractive and put time and money into my appearance. There wasn’t any reason to hide me.

It ended after he took a trip through Europe and only told me a week before he left. When I said I could have gone with him - he looked at me with sympathy and said “you can’t afford it”.

I absolutely could have. After I dumped him I had so much extra money because I was the one always paying for our dates.

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 15:12

@Muffinmam OMG that sounds awful. I bet you are still lovely, attractive and bonus as wealthy if not wealthier!!

OP posts:
Casperroonie · 26/02/2026 15:17

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

I think your view of the relationship is way different to his.

He isn't committed, if you want something else maybe look elsewhere....

NoisyViewer · 26/02/2026 15:19

Caton · 26/02/2026 15:07

@NoisyViewer No, however it is a possibility.

It’s the secrecy that would bother me. I’d understand if he felt introducing yourself whilst living with his ex or having just left her wouldn’t be something he’d be rushing to do, but I’m sure if he just said that you’d have understood. You owe him nothing. I wouldn’t think that calling it a day was extreme or staying makes you a doormat. So I suppose it’s how you feel about it

letmebetheone · 26/02/2026 15:19

Did he spend Christmas Day & New Years Eve with you?

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 15:22

@letmebetheone Christmas day he spent alone in the country. New Years eve and day each side we spent together.

OP posts:
1HappyTraveller · 26/02/2026 15:22

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:31

@bunnypenny tbh I'm not sure. I am jealous of this woman as they spent 15 years in an on/off sexual relationship and have remained good friends - and I was sure she would be in attendance - but I feel resigned to the fact she will always be in his life. But again, I'm not sure. I was fairly angry yesterday - and he said my anger was disproportionate - I don't agree that it was...

He lied
He is now saying you overreacted - he is gaslighting you.

I have read some of your additional posts on this thread - a woman he was having an affair with was present at the wedding. He had lied about what he was doing that weekend. He had lied by omission about the wedding. Either he slept with this ‘previous’ affair partner or he wanted to (which is also why he didn’t tell you!). He is dishonest. Not only does he have form for cheating and lying but he had lied to you too. Leave him. Honestly there are so many more decent blokes out there, don’t settle for this.

This is not about the wedding.

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