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Original poster

Went to wedding reception without me

473 replies

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

OP posts:
ThisJadeBear · 26/02/2026 15:24

If you think a man with options spends Christmas Day alone in the country…..

Berrybluessey · 26/02/2026 15:25

As everyone else is posting.
Totally deliberately lying by omission.
Panicking because your home is useful.

Don't be used anymore by this cheating loser.
He kept his options open for that wedding, that's why he deliberately mislead you.

Berrybluessey · 26/02/2026 15:27

Caton · 26/02/2026 15:22

@letmebetheone Christmas day he spent alone in the country. New Years eve and day each side we spent together.

Ah OP, he did in his arse.
You deserve better.
Total lying player.

Twilight7777 · 26/02/2026 15:30

Well he sounds like a prince among men! 😏 (yes sarcasm) YANBU to feel angry/upset/etc about the wedding, but it sounds like he has many, many red flags about his life in general. Sounds like he’s keeping you as a side piece (sorry!) Not meeting any of his family or friends is a major red flag in itself. I’m thinking Cocklodger potential. He’s likely to try and move in with you at some point. Do yourself a favour and LTB

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/02/2026 15:32

Zucker · 26/02/2026 11:24

Throw this one back, he's not for you.

Absoloutely!
@Caton how long have you been together ?
it’s seems like your a stop gap to a cocklodger .
He was shy committed to you and know doubt what alone as a single guy on the hunt!
He secretive and not worth trusting .
Don't waste your precious time on this one .

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 15:34

@Imbusytodaysorry about 18 months we have been together however known each other 5 years and change.

OP posts:
Ohduckie · 26/02/2026 15:40

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:35

@BudgetBuster yes and no not exactly. He was sleeping with her (wedding guest) whilst living with his former partner of 25+ years and in a relationship with his partner.

Crikey, busy man! And shady AF. You're worth more than this xx

Offwegotomarket · 26/02/2026 15:42

He’s either got someone else or got someone lined up or wants people to think he can do better (no offence but he’s a man) either way he sounds more like a boyfriend than a partner.

The real question should be, why are you surprised when you know he’s a lying cheat ? If he can betray his ex of 25 years what makes you think he wouldn’t deceive you.

I assume he’s old enough to know better if he has a university aged child, and you mentioned you’re an older lady who’s been there done that etc. why are you wasting your older years on a overgrown Jack the lad.

Devongirl1983 · 26/02/2026 15:47

So he’s a cheater basically. I don’t think you need us to tell you to get rid!

PS5Gamer · 26/02/2026 15:50

YANBU re invite
YABU to think that you are in a relationship with this creep

Viviennemary · 26/02/2026 15:53

You are sidelined to a small part of his life because thats how he wants it. Not on. Get rid.

kerryd278 · 26/02/2026 15:59

I was exhausted just reading your post, let alone living with it. Not sure life needs to be this hard does it? Personally I would move on.

Dliplop · 26/02/2026 16:01

OP- I’m not sure partner is the right word.

He doesn’t seem the monogamous type which is fine when it is all on the table and you aren’t monogamous. And it isn’t all on the table. As of at least October he didn’t see the point in telling you his whereabouts. Again, fine but a mismatch with what it sounds like you want.

Between divorce and remarriage I dated several of these because I also didn’t want a partner. Once I fell for one and it didn’t work because we weren’t on the same page. I was hurt but can’t hold it against him. Did he lead you on or did you assume?

SurelyNotShirley · 26/02/2026 16:03

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

You don't live together, you don't know his friends, they don't have to invite you, he's not taken a break from any relationship and seems to just be bed hopping, you don't seem to have been together for long. It

ThisJadeBear · 26/02/2026 16:07

If you knew him for 5 years before you got together what did you know of him?

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 16:12

Caton · 26/02/2026 15:22

@letmebetheone Christmas day he spent alone in the country. New Years eve and day each side we spent together.

Why did he spend Christmas day alone... ?

Payitforward55 · 26/02/2026 16:13

I dont like weddings so would have been happy with him going alone. However this man has zero integrity. He is the type would lie even if nothing dodgy is going on because that is his nature, I wouldn't trust him to go to the shop for me never mind enter into a relationship with him. Ask him has he had sex with anyone else while your relationship is going on. You deserve better than this OP.

KimuraTan · 26/02/2026 16:13

This is a huge red flag and it sounds like that’s his MO. Lying by omission…

He’s doing nothing for you, it sounds like you’re just convenient for him. Throw this one back.

Phoenixfire1988 · 26/02/2026 16:16

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:35

@BudgetBuster yes and no not exactly. He was sleeping with her (wedding guest) whilst living with his former partner of 25+ years and in a relationship with his partner.

Si he's a cheat aswell ... yeah throw this one in the bin .

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 16:18

@Dliplop Bit of both to be fair - and every time I would balk because I did want more I received a variety of responses - from I can't give you what you want - to I don't want to lose you - to being taken away on holidays.

OP posts:
Womaninhouse17 · 26/02/2026 16:21

I can see why he doesn't think he was unreasonable and probably wedding invitations etc aren't as important to him as they are to you. He might have thought it would just complicate matters to have you there, or to make an issue about it if you hadn't been invited (which wasn't his fault). However, if the current arrangements and his attitude to introducing you to his friends and family yet doesn't suit you, maybe he's not the one for you.

Original poster
Caton · 26/02/2026 16:22

@Thesnailonthewhale ex was pissed off with him so no Xmas day visit with only child and he didn't want to impose on his siblings. He also said he didn't feel it fair on me to be there as I was hosting quite a bit of family. He would have been welcome but he said he wanted to be alone Xmas day - which I get - we did facetime Xmas day a few times. His choice tbf and I left him to it.

OP posts:
MyMiniMetro · 26/02/2026 16:22

This guy and the whole relationship is a bit of a mess. It’s not the ‘going to the wedding without me’ it’s the not mentioning it either before or after.

I mean who goes to a wedding and doesn’t mention it in small talk afterwards? If I’d been to a wedding at the weekend, I’d probably have mentioned it in passing to about 20 people by the end of the week- a few colleagues, a couple of friends, my partner, my mum, my hairdresser, the next-door neighbour if I bump into them etc etc. Beforehand, (even if my partner wasn’t going and it was a really low-key event) I would probably still mention when I buy an outfit for the wedding, or how I won’t be as available online because of the wedding that weekend. This man is not sharing his life with you on even a superficial level.

I think relationship counselling is an excellent idea if you want to continue the relationship. The therapist should create a formulation of both of you. Part of that formulation will be identifying your partner’s automatic tendency to hide things. Did that come from childhood from school or just from endless illicit relationships? I see how it doesn’t inspire trust or a sense that he is reliable.

The wisdom is that, only guilty people are that closed-off about their life. But sometimes with a traumatic childhood, an extreme sense of self-reliance can develop. If you are invested in this person, you might want to look into this and help them learn to be more open. Before committing to this path though, you’d want to hear some willingness from him and some insight showing he accepts that hiding the wedding from was bizarre and not what people do.

If he continues to see this as a ‘you’ problem then the relationship might have run its course.

BudgetBuster · 26/02/2026 16:23

Caton · 26/02/2026 16:18

@Dliplop Bit of both to be fair - and every time I would balk because I did want more I received a variety of responses - from I can't give you what you want - to I don't want to lose you - to being taken away on holidays.

So he love bombs you?

What a charmer 🤢

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 16:26

goz · 26/02/2026 15:00

He only separated from his partner 18 months ago,
I’m not surprised you weren’t invited to his friends wedding last year nor have met his son yet.

Id expect to have met the adult son by 18m... It's not like the kid is 4.