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Original poster

Went to wedding reception without me

473 replies

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:20

Yesterday morning, I asked my partner whether one of his friends got married last year - he had said mid year that his friend was getting married after the summer. I had heard nothing since and it popped into my head - thinking oh did the wedding actually go ahead. He said, yes I went to the reception. Unbeknownst to me. That weekend, he had stayed at his brothers house which is a 3/4 hour drive to this wedding reception. His only child also attends university about 20 minutes away from the venue. He only told me he was driving up to spend some time with his child. I had no idea about that being the reception/wedding date. He reserved a hotel when he got the invite (which I never saw) and didn't say that either. I was incensed - and frankly incandescent - so much that I hopped in the car drove to get a coffee and some fresh air. He had been staying at mine whilst he had appointments in town - His current situation is rather chaotic. He separated from his long term partner 18 months ago and moved out of the house definitively in October last year. For the past 6 months he has stayed either with his family or with a set of friends house-sitting as they travel quite a bit. He has looked to get his own place but that is still awhile away - and also he will have to put this jointly owned property up for sale in the next 12 months. It seems to me he likes to separate and compartmentalise his relationships. I have never met his child - nor any of his long term friends nor his family members. As a mature woman (formerly married) I find his behaviour, and secrecy very very odd. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong. Oh I didn't mention the difficulty I also have as the friend who got married is female and her close friend was in a casual relationship for many years with my partner, whilst he was living with his former partner - and naturally was present - with her partner at this wedding reception. I just find this odd and am reconsidering this relationship. He is panicking and wants to go to couples counselling to discuss - as he doesn't understand why I am so incensed. Am I being unreasonable as I feel like I'm being asked to accept what is frankly unacceptable. He also said the invite was only for him - and that (conveniently) the invite was part of the whatsapp messages that were lost when he upgraded his phone.

OP posts:
JWhipple · 26/02/2026 21:27

You're unreasonable for putting up with this nonsense. How are you his "partner" if you haven't met his child or even many of his friends? Or that he couldn't be arsed to mention going to a wedding to you? And then he jumps straight to couples counselling?!?

Lavenderandbrown · 26/02/2026 21:30

Twelve pages of really great advice Caton. You can tell some posters have RTET and some have not but most if not all still come to the same conclusion…liar cheater deceptive.

….and you’re where you should be all the time but when your not your with some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend wife of a close friend….

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 21:38

Caton · 26/02/2026 16:44

@Thesnailonthewhale he has been absolutely fantastic with one of my own children (a young adult who is really struggling - who suffers from a debilitating yet common condition). I was absolutely terrified upon discovery of this condition and having this unfold into my reality - with little external or family support other than what I sought for both of us - He provided advice, sound support, suggestions and guidance in a non-judgemental way and from a place that helped and made a difference to my quality of life and also that of my child- at a very challenging and difficult time. He didn't rescue me - or take over but was timely and thoughtful. And he did go out of his way on several occasions to enable the respite I needed at the time. He is a lot of fun - has a great sense of humour and honestly? we do - get on really well with a lot in common with things we like to do and what we appreciate - He is a bit daunted with me as I'm a high achiever and attack everything I do with gusto and like to master things even the mundane really well. He is not aggressive or overbearing and for the most part not a risk taker - I would say that I have all three (flaws?) in my character to varying degrees (but they have propelled me through life with a degree of success (most people say this about me so no self promo going on here). He is kind - and has a lot of empathy - but he definitely is blocked in a few areas. And Myminimetro was correct in their assessment, in general, of where he is coming from. That's as much as comes to mind to answer your question.

So... He's "nice" and you get on well with him?

How is it that he's met your children, but you've never once met his as his partner? Doesn't that seem odd to you?

How is it he has nowhere to live? What prompted him to finally move out if he had nowhere to go. How come he hasn't got anywhere to go when he's had seemingly 18+ months to sort it out?

Pherian · 26/02/2026 21:43

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:35

@BudgetBuster yes and no not exactly. He was sleeping with her (wedding guest) whilst living with his former partner of 25+ years and in a relationship with his partner.

What you’re saying is he cheated on his partner.

You know full well why you went informed of this event.

At first I had a bit of sympathy for you because it sounds like you’ve been taken in and used - but you know exactly who you are dealing. This is only going to end in heartbreak and you know it. You know what he did was wrong. You know what he did while he was there.

Dump him and stop looking for fixer uppers. His living situation isn’t your problem. Get him out if your house. Get him out of your life and find someone who doesn’t have a history of shagging around.

All the best OP.

BudgetBuster · 26/02/2026 21:54

Caton · 26/02/2026 16:22

@Thesnailonthewhale ex was pissed off with him so no Xmas day visit with only child and he didn't want to impose on his siblings. He also said he didn't feel it fair on me to be there as I was hosting quite a bit of family. He would have been welcome but he said he wanted to be alone Xmas day - which I get - we did facetime Xmas day a few times. His choice tbf and I left him to it.

His child is and adult so the ex being pissed off with him doesnt make sense. Also makes no sense he wouldn't want to see his "partner" of 15 months on Christmas day.

What makes even less sense... is why in the world he knows your child(ren)?! This man is a walking red flag... please don't not let your children get to know and become attached to him.

user1481285182 · 26/02/2026 21:56

At what point in the relationship did you both decide this was a relationship rather than something casual or has the discussion not been had ? Have you ever caught him out in a lie before ?

pikkumyy77 · 26/02/2026 22:00

Look up “covert narcissism “— the fact that he us lovely, charming, helpful and nice to you and your vulnerable child is’t proof that hebis avgreat person. These are skills that he has developed (character strategies we call them these days) that enable him to get love, affection, and sex.

Berrybluessey · 26/02/2026 22:47

Players love to keep their life compartmentalised, so much easier not to get caught out.
Clearly your home is a convenience to him at the moment, until its not.
You are the fine for now woman.
Dump.

Backagainagainback · 26/02/2026 23:29

I mean this kindly, but it boils down to:

  • you were, it seems, the ‘other woman’ he ‘left’ his wife for (or she ended it with him when she found out as the final straw) - I do mean this nicely but initially hiding the timelines confirms more that he was not single at the start of your relationship (or, it turns out, for many months after- no reason for him to live with her till October only to then be kicked out to the kerb with no home to go to, unless she really did see the light and get rid!)
  • he has unsurprisingly painted a negative portrait of his ex wife to get you on side. I strongly suspect it’s an incredibly inaccurate portrait though naturally you will assume the worst of her because it feels more ethical to you that way
  • their split was clearly messy given the timeline, and her reaching out to you to seek clarification- hopefully you gave her what she needed. I guarantee he has spun her a pack of lies about you and the other OW.
  • you know he was comfortable cheating for fifteen years
  • you know he was comfortable swapping out wife for you (and/or secretly carrying on with both of you, which seems more likely given the circumstances)
  • you are, therefore, uncomfortable because deep down you know he could and will do exactly the same to you
  • of course he wouldn’t invite you to meet family- they’ll see right through the whole situation and view you as the OW
  • and of course he’d hide meeting the ex OW from you, just like he hid her from his wife
  • you’re upset because you’re realising that he is being sneaky with you like he’s been with all the other women in his life and it’s no different

Honestly I get why it’s so easy to think you might be the special one but really he’s just a serial cheat and you’ve been sucked in. You will always be in a weak position. Get out and don’t fall for flattery!

Backagainagainback · 26/02/2026 23:35

BudgetBuster · 26/02/2026 21:54

His child is and adult so the ex being pissed off with him doesnt make sense. Also makes no sense he wouldn't want to see his "partner" of 15 months on Christmas day.

What makes even less sense... is why in the world he knows your child(ren)?! This man is a walking red flag... please don't not let your children get to know and become attached to him.

Show quote history

This. Ex was, I guarantee, pissed off with him for an entirely valid reason and/or adult child wants nothing to do with him at Christmas because adult child is aware of his carry on with other women.

Honestly the most baffling thing about this is how you’d want to have anything to do with a man who is such a cheater. I wouldn’t even be friends with him, let alone in a relationship. I suspect the wife would be a better person to hang around with than him- just sad for her how she’s been treated by him!

Holidaymodeon · 27/02/2026 00:20

I’ve been with guys like this. It’s just the tip of the iceberg. Let him go , you deserve better than someone for whom attending a wedding reception slips their mind or it ‘wasn’t worth mentioning’

Catpuss66 · 27/02/2026 00:34

Caton · 26/02/2026 12:02

@SueKeeper you make sense. He has kept info from me which has had a cumulative effect. I am an open book with him and he is the opposite. Yes I was quite angry true. and yes, he is trying to make sense of his life. I see/witness his struggle to do that.

Are you sure he is not just thinking how to deceive you more. You are right he is lying by omission. All this past history is info you have been given by him & you have not met anyone in his life to check that out. I would be very careful if this man you need to protect not only your heart but your finances & your home. Do not try to work him out he is unworkable out. Think you need to move on. He is f ing up your mind think he was at a reception with ex mistress, he wasn’t honest with you. That in itself is cruel & disceitful.

DRose3 · 27/02/2026 02:02

Huge Red flag and acting like he doesn’t understand. I reckon he wanted to go solo so he could have the opportunity to flirt or even sleep with the former lover. The fact that he immediately mentioned counselling suggests he is hiding something.

Aside from that I wouldn’t be investing all this energy into someone that hasn’t even bothered to intro you to some of his close people. Seems like he’s not that into you.

Labragoogle · 27/02/2026 02:44

If he was sleeping with the wedding guest while living w/his former partner of 25yrs & he actively concealed going to this wedding - I would be thinking he’s probably slept w/her again. Even if she now has a partner. Why the need to lie otherwise about going? Presumably the old “you would have only been upset bcos you’re jealous of this woman” has been his usual defence?
It’s deceitful behaviour. I don’t think he can be trusted. Has past history of infidelity. Get rid OP. You can do better x

Lampzade · 27/02/2026 04:17

With respect Op
You need to bin this one
Hope for your sake that you do

OtterlyAstounding · 27/02/2026 05:01

He's not your partner, he's your boyfriend. Why do people say 'partner' when they're not living together? It's like they're trying to make a relationship sound more serious than it is, which feels like a red flag in itself.

And he's also a lying cheater. Has he cheated on you? Who knows. You certainly don't know - all you know is that he has form for it, and he's lied to you.

I wouldn't bother with him. He sounds like sleazy drama.

Eviebeans · 27/02/2026 05:40

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:35

@BudgetBuster yes and no not exactly. He was sleeping with her (wedding guest) whilst living with his former partner of 25+ years and in a relationship with his partner.

This is why he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he has done
Unless you see that type of set up in your future then call it quits now- it wouldn’t work for me
my guess is that he’s using you for accommodation albeit not full time until he gets a place of his own

Iroll · 27/02/2026 06:03

Leave him. Reason being the gaslighting behaviour, he will only escalate.

ACynicalDad · 27/02/2026 06:10

He sounds like such a catch.

Noodles1234 · 27/02/2026 06:30

I can appreciate you may not have been invited to the wedding, it is the underhand not telling you he was going part. Maybe I can see you have not yet met his son, although I would expect you to join him in the near future for maybe a lighthearted coffee / overnight stay near his uni or something.

it seems to me he wants you for security / somewhere to stay, while keeping his options open. Be very wary or bin.

Soontobe60 · 27/02/2026 06:34

He’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.

LeafyMcLeafFace · 27/02/2026 07:06

Thesnailonthewhale · 26/02/2026 20:02

Time line is

September 2024 - OP gets together with this man. He is still living with his (ex)wife at this point.

October 2025 - man moves out of marital home and attends the wedding

Show quote history

I think there were bigger issues than the wedding in this case

WildLeader · 27/02/2026 07:12

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:27

@Notdanishsusan I don't care whether I was invited - what I do care about is not being told last October that he was going to a wedding reception. It's not the same as grabbing a coffee or lunch with a friend.

almos exactly the same thing happened to me. Although I did get told a week before, he gave a feeble excuse saying the aunt of the family (MoB) was weird and rude, but as with you @Caton its not the lack of an invitation, he knew about the wedding for months and could have so easily mentioned it before.

your situation is worse tho, he’s lied and hidden information from you.

i didn’t see how long this relationship is, but we broke up and it was about a year in. I would expect some kind of communication is owed at that point.

i think this bloke has to go, you’re worth more

WildLeader · 27/02/2026 07:12

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:27

@Notdanishsusan I don't care whether I was invited - what I do care about is not being told last October that he was going to a wedding reception. It's not the same as grabbing a coffee or lunch with a friend.

almos exactly the same thing happened to me. Although I did get told a week before, he gave a feeble excuse saying the aunt of the family (MoB) was weird and rude, but as with you @Caton its not the lack of an invitation, he knew about the wedding for months and could have so easily mentioned it before.

your situation is worse tho, he’s lied and hidden information from you.

i didn’t see how long this relationship is, but we broke up and it was about a year in. I would expect some kind of communication is owed at that point.

i think this bloke has to go, you’re worth more

WildLeader · 27/02/2026 07:20

Caton · 26/02/2026 11:45

@lunar1 we'd been together for about a year - but we have known each other for 5 years.

Ah right, so ignore the 5 year bit, knowing someone is nothing like BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP with someone, this is a year in. It doesn’t show you the person, however it should make things easier for him to integrate you into his friends and family, or at least tell them about you. The fact that he hasn’t is a huge red flag.

you’re sidelined, for some reason he doesn’t want you beside him for social and family activities. Either he’s hiding more than you know, or he’s using you for convenience

This was the case with me, and I binned him. It was sad, but I knew I was worth better than that.

I am, and I now have everything I could ever dream of in a man/relationship/life. Don’t settle for scraps. It’ll destroy your self esteem