To message her..

[TheDenimPoet]

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

Rather than going straight to the woman in question, I think you need to go to the police and let them handle this.

I think it's exceptionally unlikely, if not completely impossible, that he isn't breaching conditions of being on the Sex Offenders Register by striking up a relationship with a woman who has a child. (I suspect he's also breaching conditions simply by having a social media profile, and certainly one with a false name.)

just thought I’d point out that this is the first time I’ve seen mumsnet (since the dawn of polling on AIBU) to have a clear 100% vote for YANBU.

Get to the police OP. Well done.

Yes report it to the Police

as a CSA survivor you are absolutely doing the right thing, you are brave and we need more people like you 🩷

I would contact the police and call the MASH in your local authority- so they can urgently safeguard the child.

This

I also agree with a PP that using an altered name suggests he's acting against conditions imposed, and would hope that's something else the police will want to know about

Sex offenders aren’t allowed to use Facebook (Facebook rule), so you can report the account too.

Please let us know what the police say.

I would inform the local social services- Google child safeguarding team in X borough (the borough where she lives). There will be a hotline for reporting- you can do this anonymously. Failing that then the police. If you just message her he could tell her you're a crazy ex or spin any story. It's common for sex offenders to groom the parents and form relationships with them unfortunately.

How that would be unfair? She absolutely MUST be told.

Yes I would and if she didn't believe it/didn't break up with him immediately I'd ring social services and let them know shes with a known sex offender knowingly. I'd ring the police too.

100% yes. It's well known for sexual predators to befriend women with children for access to the child. So a million times yes. Tell her, the police too.

Yes I think this is a good idea. Report your concerns to the police (which are wholly valid) and hopefully they will deal with it.

if you do tell her make sure and do it anonymously as you don’t want any backlash from him. You don’t need that.

This. If he is on the sex offenders register he would need to declare any new relationships.

Hi again everyone, thanks again for your advice. I have sent her a message, with some information, along with a link to the article that was published on the day of sentencing. I have also been in contact with our local police station to ask what they suggest I do. They sounded quite busy and were a little bit blunt, but they said I should go in tomorrow for a chat and to log my concerns, and they'll see if a) he's breaking any of his conditions and b) if anyone could be at risk. The officer on the phone said the answer is probably yes to both, so it will be dealt with, and I was also assured that it would be anonymous.

I'll post back tomorrow and let you know how it goes with the police, or if I've had any reply from the message x

well done @TheDenimPoet
the paedophile that targeted my family was interested in boys - he didn't assault my brother, but he did assault my brothers friends.

you are so very brave, and you are definitely doing the right thing

Protect the child. Do it.

You are an adult.

She may know but she probably doesn't. Hopefully she does a Claire's Law search as a result.

This

Well done!!

You have very likely saved a young boy from serious abuse and life-long pain.

Absolutely warn her. You don’t have to include your name or number. You could send it anonymously. Create a new email account to send the link. How will anyone know it’s you?

Sorry I tapped being unreasonable by mistake. I believe you are being extremely reasonable and must email the mother and perhaps other people around the boy in case the mother doesn’t accept it

Absolutely message her! And definitely follow up with the police.

This!!

Completely agree with create a fake profile if necessary and send a link to the newspaper report of the case.