To message her..

[TheDenimPoet]

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

YANBU but my hand slipped in my rush to vote so I'm the 1% (and I meant to vote YANBU!)

Definitely this, today!

But please be sure to also ask about telling her now so she can protect her son.

God yes tell her

Im really surprised you need to ask @TheDenimPoet

Yes this.

You are right to be concerned of the potential risk to a child, but please go via the official channels rather than vigilantism by contacting her directly.

You dont know that she doesn't know, you are just assuming she cant possibly know or else she wouldn't be with him... but it could well be that she DOES knows and there are appropriate safeguards in place for her child.

Whilst he committed an abhorrent crime, he may well have completed/be undergoing some sort of rehabilitation programme as a condition of his licence, and is now trying to rebuild his life following his conviction, and whatever terms that has imposed.

If he's on the sex offenders register, he WILL be required to disclose his address and relationships to the police who monitor him. If he's not done that, or has lied, it is for them to disclose it to her as appropriate, as well as taking appropriate sanctions against him for failing to do so if that's the case. With a suspended sentence, imagine he'll be returned to prison for breaking terms of his license.

I’d go through the police. They can do what needs to be done re safeguarding.

You might not think he’s violent but you can’t control what happens if you just tell her. She loves him, what is she supposed to do with that information with no support? You risk putting her and her son at risk if she confronts him alone.

So pleased you’re doing this! Tell her, the police and also Children’s Services.
What a vile creature he is.

Do it now! Also inform the local police. Immediately. If she is upset it is nothing in comparison to the trauma that the child will suffer as a result of not telling. You have to inform the police as too many women allow paedophiles in their lives and practically invite them to abuse their children. Police. Now!!!

editing to say maybe just tell the police for now. She may be obstructive. It doesn’t take much and too many women fall for their lies. They are masters at it and vulnerable women buy their bullshit.

Well done OP for not sticking your head in the sand.

You can always create a fake email address and send her the article if you are worried. Appreciate she may not click on it, but to her Anna Jones would be as real as Laura Smith as she doesn't know your name presumably, so she is as likely/unlikely to open from your real account as a fake one. I think iif, in the body of the email, you offer enough evidence that you do know him and his family, she will read it.

Agree police. He may well be in breach of his license terms.

Message her and ask her to do a Claire’s law check

Tell her and contact police as well. He is breaking his SO conditions he shouldn't be having contact with children.

Would she even receive the message if you send it from a new account she has no connections with? Does she even go on FB anymore. I would contact SS in the area, police, or try and get her number or find her in person. It’s obviously intentional that he has done this. I’d assume a FB msg from a non-friend would go undetected for ages.

why should OP put herself and her own "bairns" if she has any, at unnecessary risk from a convicted criminal, if she can avoid it while still raising her concerns? I absolutely agree she should tell this woman (and police/ss) but I don't see what's wrong with not using her own name if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so.

Saying she's "hiding behind" is unfair - it suggests she's being cowardly, but I think it's sensible!

OP, go to the Police. The woman might well ignore anything you tell her and he'll probably gaslight her anyway. You will also compromise your own safety if you go directly to her. Speak to the police and ask their advice.

Definitely go to the police and social services. I'd also ring school and report anonymously too to make sure all bases are covered. Don't assume she doesn't know. I had a family member convicted of SA. His partner married him when he got out of prison and wanted a daughter to prove it was all lies. Sure enough she got pregnant, and her profiles went dark to try and stay under the radar, I called the police/social services to let them know. Something must have happened as there was suddenly lots of yelling from her all over social media that busy body authorities getting involved etc etc. family never knew it was me (I was NC with all of them, just kept an eye on things every now and again).

If a stranger sent me a link, I probably wouldn't open it. Can you copy and paste the text of the article or give a brief description of how to find it, e.g. "look on the website for the Sydney Herald and search for the name 'John Paton'. Not 'Jon Peyton' as that's not his real name."

Another vote to tell the police and tell her. Professionally l know too many people’s lives who have been damaged by men like him. In her shoes l would want to know

Yes please tell her
I've got a son of a similar age and I'd definitely and absolutely want to know !! Any parent would!

Yes absolutely! And the police as previous posters have said! 💛

I would contact the police. Screenshot the profile and tell them his full name, and say he's in a new relationship with a woman who has a son. I agree with others, in cases like this I would say he is banned from being anywhere near children and may need to notify the police if he starts a new relationship, as part of his bail conditions. The ball is then in the police's court and stops you from receiving any backlash.

Yes! Agree with everyone else - I would take the police route. What an absolute scum bag your ex friend is.

Report it to the police. They’ll have his address details if he’s on the SOR.

Claire's law. Jeez

Please do it immediately.

Could you not inform the police, a charity or social services anonymously. She needs to be told.