To message her..

[TheDenimPoet]

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

I wouldn't have contacted her directly. Best to let police and other services handle it.

She may confront him (or he sees the message) and he gets violent, or deletes evidence, or leaves her and goes missing, or convinces her you're the problem, or threatens her/the son to deny anything's happening... far too dangerous.

edit: I'm saying this as another CSA survivor. If someone tried to warn my mum her boyfriend was a nonce, she would've angrily dismissed it and worshipped him even harden, and she'd never have believed me if I spoke up. So it would have made things worse.

You are doing the right thing OP x

This is what I would do. He's the same age as my grandson.

@TheDenimPoet make a fake Facebook account and send the link.
also add to do a Claire’s law and do her research on him.

You have to tell her.

Hearing it from Police also would help her believe it.

Yes you must in this case.

All this

Both the people who pressed YABU commented to say they'd done it by accident. This is literally a 100% YANBU, I've never seen that before! X

I agree with this. OP has contacted the lady, and the police, but I really feel social services should be contacted separately too.

I know they can and do work with police but they do have different responsibilities and routes. It very well might get referred by the police but it wouldn't hurt to do it ASAP

Definitely message her. She probably doesn't know and her son is in danger.

Don’t tell her. Tell the police. Let them know that she has a kid who might be being abused.

Glad you are going to the police and hopefully that 12 year old boy will be protected as a result. Terrifying.

Quoting this because it’s exactly what I would do if it was me. Fuck him and his feelings, this child’s wellbeing is more important.

I would contact the police or social services. Some women will refuse to believe it and think it's down to jealousy, yes they are that stupid. On the other hand she may be a doting mum who will be mortified that shes let a pervert into her life. Either way you need to contact somebody before it's too late. One phone call could save that child from a lifetime of mental health issues!

Contact your local social services/police right away! If you tell the boys mother she may be manipulated by him and do nothing!
He is on the sex register, he should not be having contact with children !

Has she read your message? You are doing the right thing

@TheDenimPoet wondering how things are going, and what the police said ?

Absolutely tell her
Then she can decide whether or not to take steps to protect her son
When Graham Pidgeley, a prolific user and distributor of extreme child pornography, started a new relationship, no one warned his new partner
Less than a year later she caught him photographing her six year old daughter in the bath

Did you get a response from her @TheDenimPoet

I absolutely would. Or at least ask her to do a Claire's Law check.

A couple of years ago, I posted a couple of photos on fb, of me and my kids round a friends house for a Christmas get-together. In one of the photos I was sat with my best friends husband. A man I've known for over 20 years, who we met at university, and who then came to live close to my best friends parents. He's a close friend, and I even lived with them for a few months, years ago, when I was between houses due to a job relocation.

A couple of hours after posting I received a fb message from a girl I knew from primary school, but hasn't spoken to in probably 30 years. Basically saying, "is that man named Simon(nc'd)? I dated him quite a few years ago. He was very abusive and dangerous. Please don't let your kids anywhere near him!"

Needless to say, I messaged back, assuring him that his name wasn't Simon, and this was a man I've known and trusted since I was 19 years old. Just a case of mistaken identity.

She replied again, very relieved.

To me, this is the perfect example of women protecting women. This lady owed me absolutely nothing. We'd had no contact for 30 years. But she was willing to open up about a very vulnerable moment from her past to safeguard me and my children.

Well done OP for doing the right thing. Good luck at the police station. I hope they take this seriously and that the woman chooses to safeguard her son when she finds all this out.

So, she's read the message, hasn't responded, hasn't blocked me either though, so perhaps she's thinking about what she's read.

I went down to see the police this morning. She was really helpful, took a statement, I showed her various screenshots, and she said it will be dealt with. He isn't supposed to be on social media and he is, it was part of the agreement when he was handed a suspended sentence. Depending on what he's been using it for, this could mean he has to complete his sentence behind bars. It could mean he has to anyway, as he's directly broken his conditions, but she said it's the "best time to be a criminal" as there's just no space in prisons at the moment, and if he hasn't actually used social media to offend he might just be reminded of the conditions and asked to remove his profile. So that's great. He'll just remake it under a new, more obscure name, and won't be stupid enough to use his own bloody photo on it.

I notice a few people have mentioned social services. The problem with that is that I don't know a) the woman's surname (she has her middle name on her Facebook) or b) where she lives, so I'm not sure how much useful information I could give them. But I will try. The only thing I can see from her profile is her profile pic, cover photo, the comments on them, and where she went to uni. It's quite private.

It'll be later on this afternoon that I can do that, as I have a work meeting this afternoon that I have to travel to, but I will get it done.

I'm determined that the right thing will be done here, I just hope the relevant authorities will play their part.

A lot of people who use their middle name (rather than surname) on FB are actually teachers. This could be even more sinister than it seemed at first.

Not necessarily, anyone who doesn't want to be friended by someone they work with or have a disrupted family etc may do that or a horrible ex. Which would maybe be more likely as she'd possibly be easier to manipulate if she was in a vulnerable place when she met him.

Do they have photos of her son in his school uniform op because that photo would be enough for social services to identify him.

Well now you have told the police they can do a safeguarding referral to social services thats the best way to go.