school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

It’s so strange to me that we are so conditioned to believe that we must all be sheep and a single minute out of the classroom will mean disastrous consequences for dc future. People are so brainwashed by years of the government telling people that our children, who we give birth to, love and raise, must be in this building, looking at 4 walls, every day for years and years. People are shit scared to go against the conformity that has been shoved down our throats, that we accept the government telling us exactly what we can do with our own children and we accept fines for not doing so. To make it worse the people who are telling us what to do, treating us like robots on a conveyor belt, don’t live by the same rules and are so far from reality it’s scary. It is a worrying time when people are so conditioned by these crappy governments, who only want to churn out clones to make THEM more money, that they are aghast that a little child who has experienced a terrible accident and is feeling vulnerable, has even a few days off school.

Education is important but so is health and wellbeing, so is having the ability to think for yourself, so is freedom and care and love and family. The poor child is in pain, he is allowed to rest, the school can piss off. We have no independent sensible thought anymore. Children must be in school 8.30-3, 5 days a week and must not miss a single minute. Yet half the school day is taken up with teachers dealing with incidents, disruptions and trying to force children to conform to a system that is so against natural human behaviour. Children are forced to retain information from a curriculum that is decades out of date and does not encourage creative thinking or problem solving. They must regurgitate facts onto exam papers, which claim to measure intelligence, when in reality the system doesn’t want real intelligence and being able to regurgitate these facts onto paper is in no way a measure of true intelligence.

I won’t get started on my thoughts around how mainstream school is not the right place for every child and how it’s often the most creative thinkers who are struggling. It’s so depressing.

op sorry to go on the rant there, but I just can’t get my head around this attitude of others. Let your son have more time to recover. He will probably feel more up to school next week.

no i cant afford to go private. the hospital said they will mark it as urgent but i dont know how long it'll be still

he was on the waiting list for the other school but it's likely ran out now

i think i will call the school again tomorrow as its not just pe and the writing issue either its the uniform if he gets knocked and the bus etc plus other lessons and he won't learn much if hes exhausted if hes struggling to sleep (like I said hopefully the new cast on friday will make it a little easier)

he got upset tonight because hes in pain but couldn't have more medication and he was crying saying he just wants to feel better and he wishes he didnt have the scooter etc but because he was crying it was making his face hurt more and i felt pretty useless tbh

When you call the school focus on the pain - hopefully explaining he’s in too much pain and is still sleeping a lot. If he’s literally crying with pain that should be enough to get them off your back surely!

This is a genuine question for those saying he has no choice and send him in.
HOW? If a teenage lad (or lass) says they are not going in please explain how you get them in.
As a foster carer I've had a foster child who at times has refused (thankfully not long term). I can't physically make them go in. I can put other consequences including no WiFi.....etc in place which we do, doesn't change a thing, still refusal. PLEASE explain how you would get them in.

Don't be ridiculous.

Any job that made you show up in that condition needs reporting to the H&S executive.

Also, a 12yo having a week off for concussion, broken wrist and a smashed face is not going to screw their lives up or have them failing school.

"It’s interesting to note how many people say “you wouldn’t go to work that injured”. Well, many people have no bloody choice! It isn’t the point of the thread but if you’re in that camp maybe have a think about how many people in the country live in a much more precarious position than you do rather than casting judgement."

Well, it's is true and sad that some people will still try to turn up to work in a complete state because they only get SSP (after 3 days or something) and not working will ruin them financially. That is a terrible situation to be in, but not really relevant to the argument (i.e. of course you'll be forced to make different decisions if you're going to starve). Also, having sensible and compassionate sickness policies across schools and all workplaces (with proper financial safety nets) would help this situation, you shouldn't just point to the hugely disadvantaged sections of society and say 'well look at what they have to endure, so everyone should be capable of suffering like them'.

The only people judging were the 'drag him to school' crowd.

I am so sorry OP. What an awful thing for you and your poor boy to go through. The school (and idiots here suggesting they are in the right) ought to be ashamed of themselves. Sending you 💐

For those saying keep him off, how long would you be doing that for?

If he is genuinely in pain still you do need to go back and see the doctor as maybe they have missed something and Calpol isn't working.
I would explain to the school he has another appointment on Friday, and make sure you ask at that appointment what adaptions are needed for him to return to school (if relevant). If it is just his teeth, then surely posters on here wouldn't be keeping their kids off school for 6 months or more? The NHS waiting lists are long and even if an emergency I don't see it happening that quickly.

As said the school can make adaptions, having him work in one room (with pastoral or in the library for example) or if he could go to the classrooms, leaving early to avoid being bumped into.
What the parents need to do is get him there. Yes it might be inconvenient now having to drive him so he doesn't have to get a bus, but that might have to be the solution (or pay for a taxi).

DD broke her arm in PE in year 7 & was off school for a week until she'd been to fracture clinic. She couldn't have a cast due to the location of the break so we were worried about being knocked/shoved in the halls between lessons.

School did a risk assessment& she was given a pass to leave lessons 5 mins early, she wore leggings & a zip up hoody because she couldn't manage tights/trousers/jumper/blazer with her sling. It was her writing hand too so they lent her a laptop to write on instead. Obvs no PE for 6 weeks

Your school sound very unhelpful!

Can you give him paracetamol & ibuprofen at staggered times to manage the pain?.

Do not apologise or try to justify yourself to the school. Don’t over explain. Just tell them that your son is ill, awaiting a review at the hospital and you will be going with medical advice regarding return to school. He’s sleeping half the day, crying because he’s in pain and finding every day tasks difficult. If they try to fine you you can appeal it and get his medical notes for proof. To the people who think people should be at school/work when ill , well after all you’re just another brick in the wall.

My son did EXACTLY the same on the scooter. Forget school he needs to get into the dentist for xray as the dentist found that the hospital hadnt removed all the tooth fragments out of his lip as there were still shards in there we had to go to the facial unit at the hospital for a mini operation as one was quite close to the nerve. Once they completed that the dentist checked for nerve damage which there wasnt and just rebuilt his front 2 teeth. Good luck OP dont worry about school you can still fight this as you will have all his medical records and appointments.

I would certainly keep him off until the pain is manageable and he'd learnt to eat with no teeth.

I'd then gauge it by how ready he is for school, what his psychological state is regarding the no teeth etc. Only a parent could know this about their child.

Personally, as he's already unhappy at school, doesn't fit in, has few friends and isn't in exam years etc my focus would probably be on letting him have a break and getting him into a new school.

I'd keep him off until he is well enough to go in. I don't get why that is hard to understand?

At the moment, he is in pain, teary, and unable to stay awake for a school day; not only would sending him be useless in terms of learning, but it would also be counterproductive. His recovery would take longer, meaning his ability to learn would be hindered for longer.

But what are you considering well enough?
Some posters are saying they wouldn't send him til the teeth were fixed, but that could be months!

Yes he currently is in pain so fair enough he has this week off but he can't see it as indefinite.
As the OP has mentioned he doesn't like the school so I feel the more he is off, the more his anxiety over the school will build in general. Then OP will have a school refuser on her hands. She has already said mornings are chaos, she has other children she takes to school so sounds like she needs him to get on with it. I think they need to talk at the hospital about how long his recovery should take (with him listening to this) and to then both meet in the school so they can see the extent of his injuries and to make a plan for his return.

Until he is well enough to return. It is that simple, and that isnt a decision for the school to make.

At the very least when he can eat, his pain is managed, and he's not sleeping all day.

I think people have reading comprehension issues and didnt understand what the OP was saying in her first post.

He smashed his face off the floor. He's had to have his 4 top front teeth removed after they were broken/partially knocked out, he's also had his bottom teeth go through his upper lip, got concussion, and on top of all that also broke his wrist. And it's less than 7 days since it happened.

You can tell there are people here who never had more than one tooth removed, and even that woukdnt involve the facial trauma this 12yo has just been through.

This happened last week though and some posters are suggesting he stays home til he fully recovers. My question is when does that happen though? What does well enough look like? If the bruising has gone down but his teeth haven't been replaced is that well enough? When he has the cast off (which again could be many weeks, but most children go to school with broken bones).

I think fair enough he has this week and to see what the doctors say on Friday but I think saying he can stay home til he is better means he is likely to keep saying he is in pain so he doesn't have to go back.

I do agree with keeping him off until the pain is under control and he is sleeping better but I think most of the back lash is coming from the fact that OP doesn’t seem to be giving a time frame for when she expects him to go back to school. These are long term issues and he can’t realistically stay off until they’re sorted.

The focus should be on getting the immediate problems addressed. Getting his pain under control, the calpol isn’t cutting it so speak to the Drs. I know services vary everywhere but ours has an online service and WhatsApp. He may not need a physical appointment. You can send messages to the Gp with photos. By now the hospital notes will already be on his record too. Chances are he could be prescribed something more. Failing that the pharmacy may be able to help. There is stronger pain relief available for 12 year olds.

It reads like he already struggles going to school and has poor attendance. Those of us saying send him aren’t all callous with no empathy we’ve just seen how much harder it is for children to get back into school after prolonged periods of absence. You have to be there in order to make friends and build that connection. Avoiding it just increases the anxiety.

Im not someone who believes that children should have 100% attendance but these things are only solved when the school and parents work together. The school can put steps in place to make the transition easier. He doesn’t need to wear uniform, he can have a reduced timetable to avoid busy bus routes, he can take lessons in a smaller room or leave lessons a few mins early to avoid the corridor, have a ‘buddy’ to carry his bag. But it sound more like OP and school are at loggerheads and instead of working together to find a way to get him there safely and confidently.

But with things like this it can be a bit taking each day as it comes. You don’t need a precise plan for everything.

Please hear us when we say - your child is in pain! The are not fit for school. You don’t have any explaining to do, it’s not about you or your efforts to get him in. He clearly isn’t well enough. 12 is still so young, especially when they are in pain. Don’t let school bully you or him.

He has had facial injury and 4 teeth removed. I assume he has stitches.

Allowing time for recovery from that that doesn't mean waiting until the teeth are replaced In the way some are implying.
It means waiting until
-swelling has gone down,

• there isn't concern about his face being knocked and any clotting disturbed,
• he isn't in too much pain
• he can eat relatively normally
• he can speak relatively normally.

Mental health is as important as physical health. He isn't going to learn anything in school if he
-feels in pain
-conscious about his injuries
-concerned about further injury

• unable to eat properly
• unable to speak properly
• Tired from a head injury
• worried how he will be able to do some things on a practical level due to a heavy cast on his arm.
• upset and worried about longer term consequences to his teeth and arm.

Taking time off now to recover, and being able to discuss what accommodations can be made on his return will give better results for him and the school

OP don't even consider sending him in until he's been seen again and got the permanent cast on.
When I broke a bone I couldn't stay awake for the first week. I googled it and it takes all of the body's energy to start regenerating the bone.
You have sound medical reasons for keeping him off school at LEAST until the end of the week. The fact that he really doesn't want to go, the fact that the school sound completely lacking in common sense, just adds to the reasons for keeping him home.
I wouldn't expect the school secretary to have the medical knowledge to decide your son is fit to attend. She only cares about the attendance numbers.
Don't let them bully you. They have no right to class it as unauthorised when you have TOLD them he is not well enough.

Maybe hoy can visit your ds at home to talk about it if you cannit get to school.yet?
You well he needs to talk to school at some point.
If is going to more than 15 days off school then it triggers the need to discuss how to support his education as child misding school due to illness.

Clearly he needs support and school hoy pastoral care need to be approached.
If you cannot get him to school ask school to come to you...and or LEA named officer for children with health issues

Gp can support as well and refer to camhs

You could call for advice Changing Faces | Visible Difference & Disfigurement Charity https://share.google/AEAxK9hq0m6yZKRAI

Often temporary dentures can be made up quite quickly. I think it would be very unusual if he won't be given any for 6 months.

Op I just want to say if it was my child I'd be devastated for them. I'd explain really clearly to the school how much pain he's in and also see if I could get him something stronger than calpol if he's really in that much pain. You can get codiene that dissolves in water in effervescent tablets.

I'd also consider setting up a go fund me for dental treatment if there's a solution out there that the NHS won't pay for and you can't afford it. People have set up go fund me pages for really cheeky reasons but I think this would be fair enough for a child who is missing 4 front teeth. I'd donate if you were my friend! Poor little boy.

Is his dad around and able to take some of this on chasing gp appt and the other kids?

Make a proactive call to LEA ask for the named officer dealing with kids missing school for health issues to ask about medium term options like tutor groups etc that he might access who will be used to helping kids who may have developed anxiety over school for whatever reason