school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

a full week surely is enough now that he actually feels fine?
Is there a chance your son thinks he’s waiting until his teeth are sorted, but since there’s no immediate solution that’s not really reasonable.

His accident is not a reason to be absent from school. He could be in school. He is school refusing so it should be marked as unauthorised absence. Cos that's what it is and that's the procedure. He isn't medically signed off as being unable to attend.

You need to engage and discuss school refusal rather than enabling and excusing him.

I wonder if any of you would go to work with no front teeth. Now don’t lie!

It is an academy and it isnt rated a good school from ofsted pov its been required improvement/inadequate for many years the last time it was rated good was 2013 and yes i do think the attendance is a big issue and part of it. he's had 3 days this week off and about 4 other days since sept the reason they have said its unauthrised it to them he can be in and hes fine

I'm not saying he can't go just because id his wrist though yes school would have to make some accommodations re pe and its also his writing hand (typical)

his sister did say that he will be brought up in assembly and made an example of as a “this is what happens if you don't wear a helmet” I doubt he would be humiliated like that tho

hes been refusing to go in and I can't exactly force him. I have other dc to get ready in a morning and take to school. hes not said why if its the teeth or Bruising. He just refuses to get up in a morning. I asked if he wanted to go on the school run yesterday afternoon to pick them dc up and i just got a straight no. he does have cuts and bruises to his face and the bruises are quite bad

no. I said this in my op that its not just school hes not going

It could be weeks or even months until his teeth are replaced. He can't stay off school until then.

You need to take your kid to school - it’s not optional.

Surely it’s the teeth he’s embarrassed of and don’t blame him frankly!
unfortunately though he could be in for a long wait if waiting on NHS, so he’s going to have to work on his self esteem and get back to school.
school can provide a laptop to type notes with left hand, and bruising will fade. It’s got to be the teeth thing.

Did you? Where? Sorry I can't see thst.

Eta - can see you say thst at the end.

My next question then is what school work is he doing at home? Because if he is meaningfully studying I'd be more inclined to work with him on waiting for bruising to subside and until after the fracture clinic. But otherwise he'd be going into school. The learning wouldn't be allowed to stop.

I disagree with everyone here he should stay at home until the bruising has begun to heal and his wrist has been assessed by the fracture clinic. A doctors note or fit note does not apply to children it is designed only to allow companies to pay statutory sick pay. I expect a doctor would either refuse or charge. It is for parents not schools to make this decision and I would be prepared to fight it in the courts should it result in a fine. I would take pictures and write your own assessment of your child just in case it’s needed later on.

Of course I would - I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or feed myself otherwise 🫣

He's been refusing to go in and I can't exactly force him..

This is your issue- you can. I have a 13 year old that is trying to be a school refuser (hes AuDHD and has PDA) His dad and I will not entertain him refusing to go to school and he knows it. It simply isn't an option.

I've threatened to drive him there in his pants and that usually does the trick.

I know this sounds liking licking t' road clean and living in a cardboard box, but I went into school with a broken wrist, travelling by bus on my own, and a couple of years later, another girl in my year came in on crutches with a full leg length plaster. She did need a special taxi though which was paid for by the LA.

Similar happened to an adult friend when he came off his bike. His front teeth broke off and then they died I think? He was very self conscious and it really affected his self esteem until it was fixed, he just didn’t want to go out at all. I wonder if that is part of why your DS doesn’t want to go to school, aside from the pain of the wrist which must be rubbish

We’ve had multiple fractures in our house. The only one that required substantial time off was a nasty break that required surgery and rest was advised after. That said his poor face, I’m not surprised he’d really rather not be at school, I’d ask GP for a letter. Try and get a referral for dental hospital it’d be good to come up with at least a plan. Implants? A bridge and crown.

He is probably still in shock , in pain and shaken up. It would take most people a while to process an accident/ injuries like that. The school doesn't seem to give a toss about him, only their attendance figures. Has anyone actually talked to him properly about what happened?

Depends how bad the pain is.

i broke my ankle and the pain relent was nowhere near adequate. I was in a lot of pain.

if he’s hit his head has he been checked out for concussion or head injury?

I’d want to be very sure he is ok before forcing him into school.

Na, he needs to go in. He's not going because of 'looks' and he needs to continue to receive the output of his not wearing a helmet.

And yes, I've broken my wrist too, I can still see the scars from the 4 pins that were put in during surgery. But pain medication can largely sort any pain he's having. It's not about pain, it's about embarrassment for him.

I'd tell him he can be off until Monday and then he's going back. School won't fine you it's all bluster, if they try it you presumably have photos you can show, or a medical report, so long as it covers a couple of days and any further days this side of easter are medical I'm sure he's fine.

If he was an adult who had sustained similar type of injuries, would he be signed off work still?

I would get a dr note for another week and work on getting him to a place to return to school the following week.

Also it usually takes a good while for replacement teeth to get properly fixed. So he might as well get used to it, because he's not going to be able to skip all of life while that happens.

The process could take between 5-8 months for a full cosmetic fix, maybe longer depending on how he heals.

The accident happened in half term (OP says "last week") so a minimum of 3 days ago.

Same day - yes, could still be in "shock" (I'm using that word in a layman sense, as he's clearly not in medical shock) but not 3+ days later.

That's why it's unauthorised then - he's refusing to go. You need to nip this in the bud before it becomes permanent.

Most of us would not have a choice. Certainly my GP would not give me a cert for that.

Adults I know who have broken bones (wrist, etc) have been signed off for six weeks.