school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

I personally can't believe anyone would seriously think a 12 year old should attend school with 2 missing front teeth and a fractured wrist. Absolutely insane

OP @healingqueen I’ve no idea why some posters are giving you such a hard time!! It sounds awful for him and sounds like he’s still in shock and a bit of pain. Likely due to lack of sleep, not being able to eat and having to have his teeth out. As well as bruising. He’s probably embarrassed and worried what people will say. It sounds like it was really nasty so maybe a bit depressed?

I think if it were me I’d arrange to pop into school and chat to HoY and explain. See what can be done.

not sure of your work but could he be dropped after the little ones so he doesn’t have to contend with the bus? Do that for a couple of days so he can get used it.

Absolutely no way i would force my child to attend school in this state. The school ca send work home or they can fuck off , frankly. I’d be getting him to the GP and laying it on thick to get him some more time at home. And writing very strongly worded letters. Try your MP too.

I have had a broken wrist that required surgery to pin it. It wasn’t all that painful but it was very awkward. It was my dominant hand. I couldn’t write, I could use a keyboard but not properly. Getting dressed and going to the loo was awkward. I couldn’t cut up food and had to eat with a spoon or fork with my left hand. I also once had 3 teeth extracted ( visible front teeth). I went straight back to work from the dentists but 3 days later I was in a lot of pain for over a week. I would not have liked to have these two problems at the same time. I think people are underestimating how uncomfortable this young man will be. I’m not a shirker, I was back at work 4 weeks after an abdominal hysterectomy, but I was off work for 4 weeks with the broken wrist too. I felt very self conscious until my teeth were sorted but I did face it out and go to work. It’s not so easy for a twelve year old. I also think the head of year spoke to OP disrespectfully. I’m surprised so many people are supporting the school and are so harsh.

School cancelled say and threaten what they like but you are the parent and need to make the judgement call on whether he is well enough to attend school.
He's in pain, taking pain killers, not sleeping well, can't eat and his body is trying to recover. Of course he just wants to be at home. He may also be self conscious about his injuries.
Also if concern is his fear that he will be held up as an example in school of needing to wear a helmet. His injuries don't sound like they would have been any different with a helmet on.
Would also be concerned as to whether the school have done a proper risk assessment to support his return and adapting of lessons etc

He was at a skate park ffs, probably on a stunt scooter, perfectly normal (and quite cool) pastime for a 12 year old and even an adult.

Oh, get a proper hobby fgs

I'm from the UK but now live in another European country and agree the attitude to school/work attendance when sick in the UK is borderline sociopathic and deeply counterproductive. Letting people have sick days off when they need them is crucial to mental/emotional wellbeing and long-term academic or career-related achievement.

I dont think taking things away etc would make himgo as it's not that he wants to stay home on devices. He didnt get up until about 11:30 today, he had a drink and some calpol, i asked him if he wanted to come and pick up his sibling from nursery and he said no, i got back and he had some lunch and watched a film for about an hour with the 2yo and then went to bed and slept for about 3 hours so if i had taken his phone today it simply wouldnt have made a difference it wouldve just felt I was being unnecessarily harsh

I'm unsure if the doctor would write a letter and its likely they’d charge £££ unfortunately

i doubt I would get him into the gp tomorrow same day as it's not an emergency to them and he's seeing the fracture clinic friday which im stressing about getting him there and also what to do about my 2yo as appt is 10:40 and nursery finishes at 11:45 so im inclined not to send in case the appt is delayed or runs over but keeping a 2yo entertained whilst trying to listen to a doctor and focus on ds sounds stressful, this whole week including half term has been a nightmare

re school uniform and clothing he has just been wearing joggers and shorts around the house but i do think buttons and his fly etc on his trousers will be a struggle. His school uniform is a jumper too and even with the fracture clinics cast it could be difficult to get it on as they still tend to be quite thick. It was either a jumper or blazer (or both) and ds went for a jumper so i obviously didn't buy a blazer too

You might be able to see the GP as you need advice on managing his concussion. They might not write a note for school but if they advise keeping him off longer that would still be something you can use with school.

Dear OP, don't listen to people telling you to force him to go. It's nuts that anyone would suggest school attendance after such a brutal accident. You are clearly absolutely at the end of your tether and weirdoes yelling at you on MN isn't helping. Stand your ground, tell the school to fuck off, and try turning up at the GP and begging them to squeeze you in - as it's just a bit of paperwork you need, maybe they can give you one of the appointments set aside for acute/time sensitive cases.
Your son is not acting out by not wanting to go to school, he's injured and upset and probably very upset. I'd be devastated if I'd lost several teeth. Some of the responses you've had on here have been absolutely appalling.
You're well within your rights to tell the school to go take a running jump.

Sleeping is his body healing -he is not doing anything wrong nor are you, it must be hard to see him suffering - take photos and his mouth ect and send them to his school and Dr .....listen to your heart.... The school can bog off he will catch up.....

I know, and it's 4 missing front teeth!

If he’s sleeping that much then he’s clearly not well enough for school. Can you partner or friend take day off to help or can nursery have your little one for longer if the circumstances were explained to them?

also you could ask the medic if you can record the appointment on a phone

Christ on a bike (or scooter).
I suspect all of the ‘SEND HIM TO SCHOOL’ brigade would all be up in arms of you posted about your son and said ‘so this morning I dragged him out of bed, forcibly dressed him, forcibly put his shoes on, forced him into the car, tied him to the seat, drove to school then after untying him dragged him into School. I mean his wrist is only fractured and it’s only four teeth ffs’.
Can you imagine the horror from the brigade?!?!

Give him tomorrow and Friday off.
Dont even try to get him up. Let him sleep and rest his injured body and recover from the shock.
Ask school for some work -if they refuse follow up with an email to his form tutor, HOY, Head of school and school governors . Tell them that despite asking you have been refused work.
Phone doctors and get him a ‘sick/fit note’.
Then, on Friday after you have got the kids to bed get him on the sofa with you with a big bag of chocolate buttons (easy to suck) and talk to him. See what is stopping him from going. Tiredness, embarrassment, pain, feeling unable to go to loo/write, could it be his speech (is it affected by the loss of teeth).
Find out what it is then make a plan together. He’s had a terrible shock with life long consequences (he’s lost 4 adult teeth ) and is probably devastated. He needs care & love not being forced back to school.

To all the posters who have been nasty saying of course he can - l bet you wouldn’t have gone back to work with a broken dominant arm wrist, a smashed up face and no front teeth, and holes in your lips. I would hate to be a child of yours.
@healingqueen he needs a bit of time & love. He’s only 12.
School didn’t mind my 12 year old being off for moths in lockdown.
But do try to get him some work & maybe stronger painkillers.

I’m torn on this one. Obviously it’s a massive thing and I think people do underestimate the mental impact of a serious injury. I’ve known adults who have really struggled. Though, obviously, they were back in work asap because they needed the money!

I’d probably tell him he can have until the weekend but from Monday he needs to go back. And I probably would start with proper consequences if he refused at that point (eg no chilling with a film).

Does your DS’ school have sparx / maths watch etc that he could use to try to keep on top of doing some work?

With your update about mild concussion (I hadn't realised that from your OP) and the amount of time he is sleeping, I would be absolutely refusing to send him in to school. If he isn't more alert tomorrow I'd be getting further advice about possible concussion after effects - maybe ring 111.

It’s interesting to note how many people say “you wouldn’t go to work that injured”. Well, many people have no bloody choice! It isn’t the point of the thread but if you’re in that camp maybe have a think about how many people in the country live in a much more precarious position than you do rather than casting judgement. Many people are harsh about insisting kids go to school because we’ve actually lived the reality of seeing friends and family who screwed their lives up early by failing at school.

I have worked in a school office and attendance takes priority over any kind of common sense or compassion imo.
There was on one occasion a sickness bug going round, and a corridor full of kids vomiting into bins waiting until they had their afternoon attendance mark before we could call their parents!
Your son has had a nasty experience, is in pain, probably aching all over and they want him in school, for no other reason than attendance imo. A week or two off in year 7 or eight is NOT going to change the course of his life. Let the poor lad recover ask school what risk assessment is being done to facilitate his eventual return to school and can they guarantee to give him his pain medication. That will shut them up for a day or two.
On a separate note, many private dentist do take on children on the NHS, worth looking up on the NHS website.
I hope your poor son feels more himself soon and gets his teeth sorted out, honestly I think ppl on here sometimes are very harsh. 💕

Has the dentist not said he can have a temporary denture plate? Can you afford a private dentist? I’d tell school he’s suffering the affects of shock and he’s still in pain, so he isn’t well enough to attend. I wouldn’t say he’s refusing. I’d be clear that he isn’t well enough to attend. He needs support and understanding and his teeth sorting asap.

I agree with all of this!

You worked in a school office and don’t think they have risk assessments to hand which cover children with broken bones and needing pain relief?! I call bullshit. Kids with broken bones are completely normal in secondary schools. Not one in every class, but two or three at any one time in the average comp.

he doesnt especially love school and he took a while to settle into year 7 as he went to a different school to his friends, they all went to the ‘good’ school and he still doesnt have many friends a year on, academic wise he's okayish he isnt top set bur he tries

Is your son on the waiting list for the other school?

I wonder how many people here advocating for a child who has had a serious injury would be back in work after a week? Very few id imagine.

Exactly, it would be a pretty unreasonable employer that would force someone in with a bashed up face, broken teeth and a fractured wrist.
Let your kid get some rest. The school can send some work home if it’s genuinely bothered about missing out on learning rather than its attendance targets.