To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

They're so, so unreasonable. You are very reasonable, fuck that.

She's officially nuts. Just ignore.

It’s not babysitting when they want him to join them, not the OP. If they want him for 3 nights they should be facilitating at least one of the drives.

And it should have been a request put to the OP and her DH - not something told to an 8yo that the SIL is now causing trouble over.

I’d be furious at them speaking to DC first. That’s completely out of order.

No chance. I hate driving anyway.

Mil once wanted me to drive 500 miles round trip so I didn't miss a nephew's
birthday party. Dh was already there as he'd gone earlier in the week. I was working. She suggested I took a day off and drove 250 miles to the party and then 250 miles home on the same day. She was miffed I didn't 'make the effort'

She never learned to drive so had no idea that some enjoy driving and others don't. Her experience of travelling was getting in the car, sitting there for a bit, and then arriving at one's destination. Imagined that's all there was to it.

Of course YANBU. 6 hours of driving is no mean feat and I’d only do it if I were going away too, not simply to drop someone else off. If they wanted to do this they should have planned it so they could either drive down with him and have you collect or bring him back. Having you drive 12 hours in total because they specifically want him bang in the middle of the trip is batshit.

Again, no. "No" is a full sentence and you don't have to explain.

Hard no from me. They take him and you collect or you drop him and they bring him back. If they're that bothered, they can rearrange what they've booked.

This. Even better if at the start/end (the leg when you'd have to drive) you could meet halfway. Stop for a meal with them before driving back.

We regularly used to meet family halfway if DC were going to stay with relatives (both ends of the trip).

Mumsnet is fucking ridiculous sometimes. If I met an unaccompanied 8 year old on the train I’d call the police.

OP you’re not being unreasonable. They’re being really selfish actually-they want the glory of being fun relatives and doing something fun for your kid but none of the inconvenience. I wouldn’t do it either.

I would suggest meeting half way.
I don't actually mind long drives too much, because I get time to think. But 6 hours in one day, then the same 3 days later, would be a lot.

If they're as keen for him to go as they seem to be, then surely they'd agree to meeting part way. Even if you drove for 2 hours there and back, it wouldn't be so bad.

No way would I be driving a 6 hour round trip twice just so they get to play at being fun auntie and uncle. If they are serious about spending time with him they should have booked somewhere much closer, consulted you first and take him themselves.

What if OP doesn’t want to hang around on her own?

Well she can offer to take your ds for the whole week then, can't she.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

If my child really wanted to go then I would drive them there.

So, for me it depends on that.

It was very nice of them to offer but they should have checked with you and your husband first before asking your son if he would like to join them.

Love it when people come on to try and sound clever and have a bit of a go at the poster. When in fact it just shows their poor reading comprehension ability 🤔

I’d say no because they told him first, even without the ridiculous expectation you do the driving. Let her be annoyed, you should be annoyed too. He’s not a commodity as someone wisely said above, just shut the whole thing down. MIL can do one too thinking she can dictate your time. Is SIL in the habit of thinking she’s the boss of you?

If your son would enjoy it, I think that you should consider the driving.
Would give you a break too!

And the cost of petrol won’t be cheap. About £140 in my car for that 12 hours. What does MIL say about her doing the drive instead?

God no!

That’s not what happened in the past. How do you think kids were evacuated or went to boarding school?

I did this drive this week. 3 hours there, a 1 hour turnaround, then back again. I was bloody knackered when I got home. YANBU OP. I think your SIL is being unreasonable for not taking him with her, or bringing him home at least.

I went from Huddersfield to Watford and back in the same day to see the Harry Potter studios - three hour drive there and back, never again. I'd always stop in a hotel overnight.

Your SIL is a cheeky fucker. You don't invite children directly. You speak to parents. You also accept no graciously. He is a person and your child not a play thing for someone without kids.

Don't give it another thought. She's not behaving properly.