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AIBU?

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Husband and food

79 replies

WinterGold · 24/02/2026 14:01

My husband is in his late 70s and has physical health issues, not helped by his weight. I’m 20 years younger.

He is always fussing about his next meal and at what time. He doesn’t have to, but eats religiously by the clock, not when he is peckish or hungry. For example, we are currently on holiday and he ate a huge meal last night, has had a full English breakfast, mid morning snacks - just because they were available - and is already anxious about where we are going to eat tonight. We are currently relaxing and not expending that much energy either.

He’s not that much different at home sadly, I have to be very specific and ask him not to help himself if I don’t want to go to the fridge and find ingredients I got planned for a meal already raided. Our adult son recently bought some chocolates for a work colleague who was leaving, only to find the box opened and half eaten and he will think nothing of demolishing a whole large bar of fruit and nut alone. It’s like if it’s there, he can’t forget about it until he’s had it. He’s also a very fast eater and won’t think twice about helping himself to food I’m still eating. I’ve even jokingly threatened to spear his hand with my fork if he keeps doing it! We’ve even been at friends’ houses for a meal and he’ll either start eating first, help himself to seconds before being offered or others have finished.

In view of his health issues, I've tried steering him away from the ultra processed stuff or suggested smaller portions, but I get accused of being controlling and that how is he expected to “survive” on lighter meals. I enjoy food and feel it should be relished and appreciated, not got on board as ASAP.

He’s showing no signs of any cognitive decline before anyone asks, but I could just do with some pointers of kind ways to encourage him to slow down and chill. I would add his mother, when she was alive, was also very similar.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 24/02/2026 20:46

Brightlittlecanary · 24/02/2026 18:56

Oh cmon he’s nearly 80, he’s made it this long, I’m sure if there were health issues she’d have mentioned It; Christ I onow at that age I will eat as many sausages and chocolates as I please.

She has mentioned:

He does have very high blood pressure, prostate cancer and a multitude of pills -

Stealing other people’s chocolates, eating food bought for a future meal and trying to get seconds before others have finished their firsts sound like compulsive behaviours rather than someone actually enjoying their food.

Summerhillsquare · 24/02/2026 20:48

WinterGold · 24/02/2026 18:02

Thank you for your contributions - truly appreciated and some excellent points raised.

He’s always enjoyed good food but as I said earlier, was also a lot more discerning. He always had a great appreciation of fine dining but now It just seems as though he just wants to eat stodgy crap, and plenty of it. Perhaps I’m the problem and I just need to let go bit too? I’m just sad that he seems to have no interest in keeping himself fit anymore, but I guess that’s his choice.

He sounds bored. Does he not have much else in his life apart from you and you cooking for him?

Vigorouslysnuggled · 24/02/2026 21:02

Do you want to be his carer when the inevitable happens in a few years OP? I don’t think you can control his food intake but I do think you can decide what you are going to do if he doesn’t change.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 24/02/2026 21:23

Are you my step mum? Lol sounds like she could have written this! The only reason I don’t think you’re my step mum is you’d have mentioned his pack a day ciggie habit.

At his age I don’t know if he will change, but still his behaviour at your DCs house is rude. Tell him to mind his manners at least.

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