To wonder if raising children is worth it?

[Theresa88]

I have a 3.5 year old and 11 month year old. Everyday feels like a massive struggle and im just over motherhood, which is clearly not ideal when im only just getting started. Sometimes I regret the second child and regret having any at all. It feels like all this work and effort to raise them into a good person, and then they may just go off the rails as a teenager and/or decide not to have a relationship with you as an adult. Can someone tell me the hard years will pay off eventually? :(

I mean this kindly: you’re probably just parenting a much, much easier child, temperamentally. Everyone I know who has one or more trickier ones in their brood (including me) has had this OP’s thought more than once, even fleetingly.
You lose so much when you have children; easily as much as you gain. It’s normal to grieve the lost parts of yourself as well as be proud of your children/your new skills.

Not sure why I’d lie about this - I have considered it only insofar as putting a decent amount into a pension because it’s the “right” thing to do, however genuinely not any further. Until this moment I have never thought about whether I might one day need care or whether my children will visit. I am quite young and my parents both died before retirement age. I truly do not spend my days considering my own demise and don’t think it’s unusual tbh 🤷🏽‍♀️

Absolutely 😂 ‘legacy’.

Exactly. Genes are meaningless to me. You don't pass on your personality/character/mind to your children. The only thing that really happens is your kid might look a bit like you and be short-sighted (thanks mum!) or share their parents propensity towards high blood pressure or other health problems. I think spreading your genes or legacy having any kind of meaning at all is a lie parents tell themselves to cope.

Yes I do 🙄 at that bloodline talk - you’re not Heny VIII love

My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, they are not easy kids by a long stretch but I'd choose them again in every lifetime.

I had a similar childhood, emotional neglect and lack of love but instead of anger my mum used to dish out silence on a daily basis. It was soul destroying her not talking to me after school, never asking me questions. Always siding with my friends, never wanting to get to know me. I have children of my own now and I bend over backwards to give them as much emotional support as I can but it is exhausting, especially as I am doing it without having been shown it / doing it without having had the love given to me in the first place. Sometimes I am so tired i could drop. But I love my children with everything I have and will continue to do it x

I never understand on these threads why they descend into people arguing with each other and challenging people's own experiences. There's no universal experience in life and that applies to motherhood and parenting.

Some people don't want kids and lead happy meaningful lives without them.

For some people, having kids has brought meaning into their lives and they can't imagine their lives without kids.

Some people struggle with one kid.

Some people find parenting easy with four kids.

Some people thought they wanted kids and then regret them.

Some people regret not having children.

All these view points are valid. It's fine to want kids and love it, it's fine to not want kids and love your life without them and it's also fine for most of us in the middle who love our kids but have hard days a lot of the time.

You're very much in the thick of it now OP! I found mine to be much less like hard work as they got to primary age.