18 year old dd will not let me attend A-level parents' evening

[18yearoldhell]

Since starting sixth form, dd has become more teenagery than she ever was at 14 years old.
Rude, entitled, ungrateful and demand-avoidant. Was never any issues before and couldn't believe how we had sailed through her early teenage years.

Parents' evening email came round. She is year 13. The expectation is that the student books the appointments for the parent (there is no other option).

DD is point blank refusing to do so. Says she's 18, an adult and it is pointless.

AIBU to expect to go to her parents' evening? She thinks I am utterly ridiculous and 'no one' elses' parents will be going and most teachers aren't evening doing appointments (yeah right).

Interested how other parents would play this.

That's as may be but parents evening when there's a course of students aged 16-35 ish would be ridiculous

Shes failing and doesn't want you to find out that or she's just not going in

The school would be the ones in trouble if they talked to you about your daughter's progress without her permission. There are data protection laws and they would be breaking them. They could be fined.

Lots will be 18 for most of yr13. My dd had friends 1/9 and 3/9 so they turned 18 before yr13 went back in September.

They don't need parental permission for trips if they're over 18, actually.

But who's gonna pay for it?

That's not really relevant to whether or not parents need to sign permission. If a student is under 18, they need to sign regardless of whether they are paying. If they are over 18, they don't need to sign regardless of whether they are paying.

It seems the OP already knows about grades etc

Yes, I realise this, but I was referring to 6th form in general, which would cover year 12 as well (16/17 year olds).

Actually schools don’t need parent permission for any trips if they are part of the curriculum and within school hours…..

But that’s beside the point. Parent permission may not be needed to take part if they are 18, but the school still has to do a risk assessment, and ultimately it’s up to the school whether they agree to take the student or not. They would still need emergency contact details, up to date medical information, and an agreement to comply with the school behaviour policy.
If there was an accident or emergency on the trip who is the school going to be contacting? Presumably the parent….

This.

Again the 'young adult' concept creep.

Understood. But I would think the police have better things to do ? and anyway they would charge me with.........what ? I can't think of an appropriate criminal offence, much less a deterrent sentence !

Its not the police that deal with GDPR its the ICO and reporting the school would end in them possibly investigating

As for what the ICO do, they make big fines.

Schools can be fined by the Information Commissioner's Office if anyone makes a complaint. I understand that most 18-year-olds wouldn't necessarily know about that, but someone may find out in the future.

Schools really should be asking students for that information, though, if they are over 18. In fact, it could be quite negligent to ask the parent for details of medical information. They won't necessarily know full details, will they?

So parents want 18yo to get jobs to help out financially and act an adult in other ways yet also want to pick and choose when they are to be treated like and adult or child?

Well that’s the different side of coin of.. so
18 yos want to be treated as independent adults, whose parents have no involvement in anything, but pay for my phone, my car, my hobbies?

Parents can say no to that

We take plenty of interest thanks.

We also respect his choices as the adult that he is, and choose to walk beside him rather than drag him kicking and screaming. Hope that’s ok with you and your grammar school 🙄

I think it’s a brilliant idea to leave dd and the baby behind.

Can’t your ex take the kids on holiday? He could take the little ones and you could take the 12 yo. I imagine your 12 yo does a lot of caring with so many little ones in the house and has just become an uncle at age 12! He could probably use a break from all the little kids

Email all her teachers, explain the situation and ask f they can let you know how she is getting on.
Be prepared for some tough responses. Have you not had reports in the sixth form? Also, what is she planning to do after sixth form? That should also give you an idea of how she is performing.

My dd is year 13 and 18. I’d email the tutor but also say to dd - I am your biggest cheerleader but if you want me to parent you by paying for car insurance etc, then you also need to do your part and that includes enabling me to come to parents evening. This is non negotiable. Please confirm date and time for parents evening by end of Thursday this week.

I find messaging dd clear actions works best as she’s not good at processing quickly when I don’t respond how she expects.

I have an app that tells me every grade dd gets (sometimes before she gets it). It’s part of what they agree to when they sign up to the school.

I teach sixth form. Lots of parents come but not as many as at secondary, I'd say. My daughter is the same age as yours and I'm not invited to her parents' evening, I guess because her attendance isn't an issue. However, I would be happy if you came to see me if I were your daughter's teacher, in order to see what I could do to support her. That said, I can also understand that she is 18 and there has to be a time when kids make their own decisions and, sometimes, mistakes.

FWIW, I had just turned 18 when I left home and went to uni and I would have been horrified if my parents had tried to get involved in my life then so I do kind of understand how she feels. If I were you, I'd try to persuade her to book the appointment but I'd probably leave it eventually if it didn't work.

Contracts aren't legal if they signed before 18. The fact that the school does this just demonstrates they don't know much about data protection.