18 year old dd will not let me attend A-level parents' evening

[18yearoldhell]

Since starting sixth form, dd has become more teenagery than she ever was at 14 years old.
Rude, entitled, ungrateful and demand-avoidant. Was never any issues before and couldn't believe how we had sailed through her early teenage years.

Parents' evening email came round. She is year 13. The expectation is that the student books the appointments for the parent (there is no other option).

DD is point blank refusing to do so. Says she's 18, an adult and it is pointless.

AIBU to expect to go to her parents' evening? She thinks I am utterly ridiculous and 'no one' elses' parents will be going and most teachers aren't evening doing appointments (yeah right).

Interested how other parents would play this.

A friend of DS didn't go to hers in year 13 because she was already doing well and acing all her exams and on track to do well.

This is drastically different from a DC who has gone from being an academic superstar to getting Cs.

Does OPs daughter want to wake up in August with 3 Cs and see all her friends do well and go to university?

Stop paying the car insurance. She says she's an adult now, so that's a nice adult thing that she needs to pay for herself

How do you even know she wants to go to uni. It's spoken about here as though it's the I ly route ahead

OP wrote "Plan for uni in September"
So people have responded to that

At 18 many people are at uni. Parents wouldn’t be getting involved at all in their child’s uni work, they’re expected to be self-motivated and there because they want to be. Better to get them used to that now rather than be thrown in at the deep end. I think going to an 18 yr old’s parent’s evening is way OTT, especially as she doesn’t want you there. It’s just going to push her further away. She needs to start taking responsibility for her own life and choices

It doesn't sound like that poster was a care leaver though. Anyway, I was just curious.

I'm guessing care leavers get help with their living expenses if they're in full-time education. As is right and proper.

DH and I were both a bit surprised college had them for parents. None of us - DH and I nor our parents -remember them in sixth form and DH college respectively.

We gone though and kids like us to go to point they expect us to been useful to a point. They are very well attended though by students and parents.

Having said that - we've been part of the choose uni courses discussions - though they did ucas statement themsleves as we did. Been very surprised to hear sister and DN haven't been the same and DN is very much on her own and Dsis seems to have little clue what the plans are.

I would worry she worried about something and I'd sit her down and try and have a talk - mention other options to her if the grades are looking poor.

No parents evening at my son's college. Suppose it would be daft for the 30 plus year old students on the same course bringing 60 year old parents there lol

There's still rules to follow. Like in year 13 "adults" can get detentions. No one says "I'm an adult you can't give me detention"

Really?
How utterly ridiculous.

OPs plan or the daughters I wonder? And does the daughter still want to go. People change their minds and schools can' be pushy and don't really give any other info to 6th formers apart from uni.

I remember my own DD pre starting 6th form Open day and instead of the head of 6th telling the students about course, facilities etc he spent 90 % of the time rambling on about UCAS point.s.

When he asked finally if anyone had questions my DD piped up " And is there anything in this meeting that will be relevant to us who are not going to uni" He was speechless

DC a-level courses did have older students - mid 20s I think oldest on them - so no idea what they did - but most were teens.

I think last one we went to DD2 found it useful as one teacher in her one art subject was hard to get an answer to question DD2 had - and we were more persistant than her in trying to do so.

I went to all of DD's parents' evenings - all through school. She wanted us to attend.

I see that several posters on this thread belong to the "They are 18 and therefore an adult, free to make their own decisions". Legally yes, but it doesn't mean that they are mature and responsible and capable of making the right decisions.

I think if I was in the OP's shoes I would probably contact the school and let them know the situation and see if the teachers would ask her DD to allow them to talk to the OP. If she refuses at least the school will know that it is the daughter being unco-operative rather than the parent not showing any interest.

If the daughter flunks her A levels then she won't go to university.

Not all the kids are doing A levels though. MyDS didnt

As ridiculous as it sounds, that is the law. When they turn 18, they are legally entitled to make their own decisions. In the eyes of the law they are then an adult and not a child. Its especially difficult when, as we all know, children grow up at different rates.
The school will have their hands tied as they will always abide by the law.
Best thing you can do is try and reason with her, be supportive, and explain to her that you are only concerned with her best interests.

This will be in the terms and conditions of signing up to the 6th form. It’s very much more like school. This is often why parents and students like it. They are supported and nurtured to achieve their potential and if this means that they need to do ‘Period 6’ lessons (our term for detentions for 6th form!) because they haven’t finished coursework and the deadline is looming then so be it.

They also need parental permission for trips and to give consent to allow teachers to contact parents with updates about their education once they are 18. No one holds a gun to their head, they can hop off to college and get left to their own devices if they so wish.

That maybe the case when somone attends a sixth form in a school, colleges, however treat the the students like the young adults they are ime.

I suspect three C's will be the best case scenario with 80% attendance and a bad attitude.

My son did his A levels at a sixth form college and parents were invited to various meetings. There was never any suggestion that they were old enough to fend for themselves (and my son is an autumn baby so turned 18 fairly early on in year 13). In fact they didn't always invite parents unless they thought that the young person concerned needed a kick up the behind (which my son did need in one subject once).

If he'd said he didn't want me to attend a parents' evening I would be contacting his tutor to find out why. It is not comparable with university.

Where did I say they were? - My DC were doing A-levels as was everyone of their campus holding parenting evenings we went to.

Their college was multi campus wide area one- and their campus is predomiantely A-levels with few Btecs along side a-level and few GCSE re-takes along side A-levels and other campus in area doing other courses including up to degree levels. Another campus at same college they wouldn't have been doing A-levels at my DC they were.

I made no comment on what your DS college was doing and claimed no knowlege of what courses his college offered.

I said there were A-level students in mid 20s because there were and that campus is the main A-level campus - there's another two that also do A-level but that campus is the main A-level one - there about 6 college campuses in the local area, It's not that an uncommon set up as DN college is similar mulipe campus with different focus.

I would contact the year or form tutor and explain the situation and ask what is the best way forward. They will have seen it all before.

You are supporting your DD's education by housing and feeding her for free and supplying her with a car so at the very least you have a right to review your investment!

Mine is at uni now but went to a school sixth form. The parents evenings were online and they expected parent and student there. She booked the time slots. I think parents evening was in online calendar so you would know if they didn’t book.
I’d assume she’s hiding poor attendance or grades.
It is an odd time as they are 18 but school treat like child. Mine decided not to go to one class as there was no teacher for months (long term sick) and they were being babysat by a pe teacher (it was philosophy) she had to self teach the content and preferred to do it using online resources. The head of year spoke to me re attendance and all I could do was relay what she said that she’d go when there was a subject teacher but I couldn’t force her there and to speak to her. She never went, the teacher was sick all year then retired and I wasn’t contacted again.
They were also really difficult about time off attending uni open days and uni exams. My favourite was when they rang me to say she was AWOL and she was on a trip organised through school.

She may well be an adult (legally) and I can ignore that ! She may well withdraw consent and again I can ignore that ! What is the 'law' going to do ? what difference would it make anyway ?

16 an d 17 year olds are not young adults. They are older teenagers.

Well, if you break the law, the police are entitled to investigate and take action.