If you had kids young and were judged for it how do you feel seeing the current trendy opinion has switched to praising young motherhood?

[Rosyfish]

Less than ten years ago I had my child at 16 and was judged harshly by pretty much everyone, everywhere I went stared at and occasionally straight up insulted for years.

Now it seems the same type of people judging me then are online moaning about the current generation leaving motherhood too late. Every other month there’s a piece on the news about low fertility rates and Gen Z’s not growing up.

In under a decade! The current zeitgeist has changed so much, anyone else feel a little vindicated?

I don't think I would say that there really has been a change in trend on this.

I think most people think 16 is younger than is ideal, at least in the modern world, to have kids.

I do think it has been the case for a long time that middle class people have their kids later - sometimes a lot later - and judge working class women, and sometimes men too, for having kids younger, especially under 25. And I think there is still a lot of that judgement. It's seen as chavvy. (Terrible word but I think the right descriptor of how people think about this.)

As far as judging older women I think there is some of that if you start getting into the 40s. There is awareness of course that it can be harder to have a child later into the 30s and 40s.

As far as recent discussions in the news, I think what we are seeing is possibly the beginnings of a social correction. Childbearing has been pushed so far back, secondary to career, that it's been negative for a lot of people. They would like kids but can't get themselves into a stable position in terms of finances and career in the years when it would make the most sense to have them. There is no real reason it has to be that way, so it would be a good idea to have a shift to changing things up a bit for a better balance.

So far however I don't see anything concrete in that direction and the kind of people who were judgy about younger mums still are.

I don't mean any disrespect (I know from experience that teenagers can make fantastic parents), but I don't think many people would seriously advocate teen pregnancy as the ideal.

If you have read this I would guess that it came from people writing 'shocking' opinions for attention, or potentially from ultra-religious and ultra-conservative people

I do think more people are arguing that the norm should be mid, or more rarely, early 20's due to biological factors though.

There are pros and cons whatever age you choose to have children. People just love judging women regardless of when/if they choose to reproduce.

Absolutely this!

I think its unfair to say young mums should always be judged, i had my first young (18) and she has grown up into a lovely young lady, despite everyones judgements i was too young to have a child, why judge someone on their age?.

Do you think the dynamic could be shifting because this is changing? I’ve heard it said these days having kids before about 26 is becoming something only better off people can afford to do while lower class people leave it later because they can’t afford to move out.

I can't say I've noticed the trend.

That said, I think there's a difference between not recommending/advocating for teenage pregnancy and judging it.

I would recommend anyone have a teenage pregnancy because it's a difficult time to have a child for a number of reasons.

That said, I wouldn't judge some for it either. I also wouldn't judge someone for having an abortion either.

There are good and bad mothers are every age.

A gynaecologist ones told me that the best time to have a child from a fertility/physically/maturity/financial and relationship never lines up. The optimium is different for each factor.

I found in my late 20s that I can't have any. Thankfully it would have been the same for me at a younger age or I would have spent forever wondering what if.

I genuinely think if a child has love, security, shelter and safety that's the most important thing - not the mother's age.

No, higher socioeconomic status is directly linked to women having children at an older age. Lesser educated girls and women, earning less, are much more likely to have children younger.
That is very much the reality in the UK.

18 is different from 15/16.
18 is a young adult who will most likely have finished high school, whilst a 15/16 year old is unlikely to have even got their GCSEs and a 15 year old is under the age of concent.
You may disagree with me but I a big difference between the two groups

Exactly. I’ve never heard or read this anywhere. Who is urging women 18-25 to have a child? The right age would be when a woman is able to support that child equally.

could that be because they haven’t had time to become highly educated? In the past they probably couldn’t go back to study but nowadays most colleges have nursery’s attached I went to college when my child was 1. There’s probably a lot more who don’t go back till they’re a lot older but they still go back.

I think you’re only seeing what you want to see to be frank!

Today’s 16 year olds don’t want to get pregnant either. That is still concerning for most teenagers plus most parents of 16 year olds wouldn’t want that for their kids unfortunately. It is still not the done thing.

Today’s 26 year olds don’t regret having kids that age either. It really depends on the circles you move in. I’m in my 20s, high earner, live down south. Having kids at 26 isn’t desirable, loads of people my age leave it longer than that by choice. You act like we’re all envious of you when that’s not the case…

my thought process has been, I don’t want kids until I’m married, own a large enough house & am established enough in my career, because that’s the example my parents set for me. I want my kids to have a good lifestyle and similar opportunities. Life isn’t easy when you’re not reliant on state support, the majority of people in their 20s down south are going to struggle to buy a house without financial assistance.

Im not telling anyone to live their life like me, the father of my child is the same age as me and I did my GCSEs while I was pregnant

/End Thread.

Obviously they didn’t have time before, but on average they do not go on to further education in any meaningful numbers after.

Isn't there a sweet spot somewhere in the middle? Ideally we probably shouldn't be popping children out whilst we are doing our GCSEs and we probably shouldn't be trying for children in our late 40's because we wanted to party for 25 years first. Biologically speaking both ends of the spectrum have their own problems.
I had my first child 19 years ago just after my 23rd birthday, I don't recall feeling any judgement about my age but I was working full-time and we had our own home. It was obvious we were self supporting so perhaps that had something to do with it.

The number of children born with Down syndrome is lower than ever because of testing and abortion.

When I was about 16/17 I was walking with my child and this grown man was yelling at me that I was a slag, a waste of space on benefits and my child would grow up to be a criminal. I stumbled upon his facebook page a couple of years ago (live in the same town which has a Facebook group he posted on) scrolled through his profile and it’s full of stuff about woman leaving motherhood too late being an empty egg cartoon and how we should all have children when we are young.
How strange is that when less than 10 years ago he was yelling abuse at young mums?
Just one man I know but going by what I’ve seen online seems to be the new trendy opinion

I think your perception of this is false, sorry.

I had my first DC young 17 years ago and I remember articles in the news etc talking about mums "leaving it too late" blaming it on things like career planning etc and talk of higher chances of chromosomal abnormalities.

I remember feeling out of place in the NCT class and only one of the other NCT mums was over 40, she felt out of place too and we somewhat bonded over it.

I had more DC aged 30/33 and I never get anything like the same judgement about having them because it's "normal". The judgement about DS1 has never ever gone away - people are always surprised when I say how old he is. The nicest conversations have been just when they treat him exactly as my other children.

People just have an opinion on whatever women do, someone will think it is wrong, you can't win, the best thing is to ignore all of it and do what suits you.

The horrible man you saw on FB is just a plain old misogynist, not really surprising he has continued to judge and belittle women without any logic to his complaints.

You managed to find a random man on the street’s facebook profile 10 years on?

Literally everyone is telling you there is no “trendy opinion” that teenage pregnancy is advisable, yet you’re still insisting.
One random arsehole on Facebook is hardly proof. If you didn’t like his opinion 10 years ago why would you put any merit on it now?

I don’t think anyone is saying you should have a child before you’re even an adult… They’re just saying to have them before 30z

And there is no issue with fertility rates. Motherhood rates or pregnancy rates are what they mean and those are a choice. Fertility rates implies fertility issues which isn’t true for most women.

It’s just men getting mad at women for having choices, getting educated, making money etc and not needing them - so they’re trying to guilt us all into giving that up to have kids earlier again. Tale as old as time.

less Than 10 years ago more like 8 or 9. He lives round the corner from me so never forgot him then saw him post on our local town facebook group and recognised his face. I’m not saying I think anyone is advising teenage pregnancy I’m just saying it doesn’t seem to be moaned about as much anymore and the moaners have moved on to older mothers and woman who don’t have kids

Nothing’s remotely changed. Women are always in the wrong no matter when (or if) we have children.

That’s because less people are getting pregnant as teens OP. Teenage pregnancy rates in the UK have fallen by over 70% since 1998, with the under-18 conception rate in England and Wales at 13.9 per 1,000 women in 2022 an under-16 just 2.2.

I’m sorry you got abused OP, but I don’t understand why you feel vindicated?

Read literally any thread on the pregnancy and conception boards where someone in their 40s (or even late 30s) has found out they’re pregnant or are thinking about TTC and someone will come along and say, “oh, but what about DS risk” or “could you look after a child with disabilities” 🙄.

The chance of someone having a child with Down’s syndrome and it being detected during pregnancy increases with age*, and that’s what everyone leaps on. Obviously, the parents to be making choices based on that information (and the doom and gloom scare-mongering) means that around 90% of those pregnancies where DS is detected are terminated. I think the Down’s Syndrome Association states that about 750 babies with Down’s syndrome are born every year. I don’t know whether that number has decreased again since the NIPT became more widespread. I suspect that more babies with DS are actually born to younger mothers as they are more likely to be diagnosed postnatally.

(*Statistically speaking, anyway. My eldest DD who has Down’s syndrome was born when I had just turned 33 - the combined test gave me a 1 in 1,900 chance, but we were the one! Then, a decade later, when pregnant with my now 4 week old I was convinced that the CT would put me at very high chance, between my age and history, but I got 1 in 2,400 - also confirmed by NIPT, and she was born without that extra chromosome…).

I had my first in my mid twenties and definitely had more energy and enthusiasm than I did a decade later when I was demented with tiredness. I have a pal who is due in her late 40’s and I cannot even begin to imagine how exhausting that will be.