If you had kids young and were judged for it how do you feel seeing the current trendy opinion has switched to praising young motherhood?

[Rosyfish]

Less than ten years ago I had my child at 16 and was judged harshly by pretty much everyone, everywhere I went stared at and occasionally straight up insulted for years.

Now it seems the same type of people judging me then are online moaning about the current generation leaving motherhood too late. Every other month there’s a piece on the news about low fertility rates and Gen Z’s not growing up.

In under a decade! The current zeitgeist has changed so much, anyone else feel a little vindicated?

Officially teen pregnancy rates are very low compared to the esrly 90d when I was young. But in my DDs school year there are a lot of teen parents & at least 3 with 2 DC. They are turning 21 this year.

It isn't so much the age, more who is paying for the child. If you can afford to have a child at 16 without taxpayers having to help out, crack on.

I think that's because we talk about 'fertility rate' to talk about how many children are being born. But IRL fertility is about can you have a baby, not do you.

You don’t think there is a significant difference financially between a 16 year old mother and a 30 year old mother? A significant portion of 30 year old mothers will not actually be relying on benefits whereas almost all 16 year old mothers will be.

I'm sure there would still be lots of judgement today about a 16 year old being pregnant.
I had my first at 22 but looked a lot younger. I had my last 4 years ago at 35. I was definitely more judged when I was younger. My youngest is autistic and has meltdowns in public but I've never felt judged. I'm pretty sure if this had happened with my eldest when I was in my early 20s I would have been harshly judged and it would've been assumed to be my parenting.

True but there still are millions of older mothers on benefits and no one judges them for it like they do teen mums even though technically they’re more mature so should of made better decisions not that I personally judge anyone for needing help but if we wanted to go down that route. I know older mums who casually talk about being on benefits to people whereas I always kept that to myself same as other young mums I know they don’t get judged for it so don’t feel the need to hide it I guess

Is this a trend?! It definitely isn’t in my circles. Everyone I know is educated and well travelled and we all had children 30s and 40s and think it’s fab to have lived so much before starting a family. I don’t know anyone who is praising 16 year olds for getting knocked up, except maybe on weird trad wife accounts?

Who is saying this?

But not all stay on benefits long term and do eventually end up paying back into the system, as will their children.

I was on benefits initially, in part because I didn’t have family support and my then DP, now DH had a very low paid job- I mean we were 17 so min wage was like £4 an hour or something nuts! He did work full time to his credit but it wasn’t enough to get by… We both got degrees, followed by masters and me a PhD and worked during that period. Now both class as ‘high earners’ so pay our fair share into the system!

Having a child at 16 is still judged now.

I’m not sure what your argument is, it’s statistically unlikely for a teenage mother to reach the same educational level as women who have had children later. Anecdotal experience doesn’t change that.
The timing of your first child is directly linked to average lifetime earnings.

People moaning about birth rates isn’t the same as wanting teenage pregnancies

They moaned about young mums now they’re moaning about women leaving it too late and banging on about down syndrome statistics. It would seem they expect women to only have children between 30-32 although on the first page of this thread a poster said she was judged for having her baby at 32 so you really can’t win

Women can’t do right

soon as that’s understood you stop worrying about what others think

Who are you talking about though? Who is saying this? Where are you getting this from?
You magically seem to be the only one hearing this.

Who is banging on about Down syndrome statistics for example? And what statistics are they talking about because the number of children being born with down syndrome is lower than ever.

Both of my sisters were 17/18 when they had their firsts and I saw how much judgement they got. I on the other hand had my first and only at 36 and feel judged also. Basically women can't win either way🤷

This is so very true. Ultimately people look for (unfounded) ways to better than others or apply judgement. It's what's people do and they latch on to the funniest things.

Horrible you felt so judged OP. Hope you've had lots of support from other places.

You’re turning this into a binary issue- teen mothers versus older mothers.
All women should have the right to choose when they want to have children if they choose to do so.
Nobody else should be dictating to them what to do with their bodies.
Least of all men who really do not have women’s’ best interests at heart.

Telling women off for “leaving it too late”, scare-mongering about increased likelihood of Down’s syndrome etc has been going on for YEARS. Not new.

Where is the current trendy opinion to praising young motherhood? Haven’t seen anything on this? My mum had my sister at 16. Absolutely would not recommend.

Every other week there’s something in the news about low birth rates especially with people in their 20s as opposed to 30s if you see articles about it shared on x or facebook the comments are full of people talking about women leaving it too late. Then there’s people posting about women running out of eggs and should have kids earlier etc there’s more but would take a while to explain, if you’ve seen this you know what I mean though.

On the other hand all the moral outrage about younger mothers we used to see a decade ago has dried up, rarely hear it anymore

Just an observation I’ve made though

You hear less moral outrage about teenager mothers because with available contraceptives, MAP and abortion, the rates have diminished down to a relatively minuscule amount.

It hasn’t changed. Reform would like it to, because they want to control women.

Is it every other week? You can find anything you want if you look for it. As an ancient geriatric 37 year old, I can find information to support the fact I will miscarry or have a disabled baby. I can also find information to support the fact it could be fine 🤷‍♀️

I know a couple of women who had their first child when they were 16/17 and they wouldn’t praise teen pregnancy! They’re great mums but wouldn’t recommend being a mum that young. I was mid 20s.