If you had kids young and were judged for it how do you feel seeing the current trendy opinion has switched to praising young motherhood?

[Rosyfish]

Less than ten years ago I had my child at 16 and was judged harshly by pretty much everyone, everywhere I went stared at and occasionally straight up insulted for years.

Now it seems the same type of people judging me then are online moaning about the current generation leaving motherhood too late. Every other month there’s a piece on the news about low fertility rates and Gen Z’s not growing up.

In under a decade! The current zeitgeist has changed so much, anyone else feel a little vindicated?

I had DD at 20 and we had been married just under a year. When we were out together I didn’t feel judged but when it was just me and the stroller I got a lot of shit. We don’t regret starting (and finishing, we are done having kids) our family young but we had a lot of support. My dad and step mum have our kids regularly, my brother and SIL take them sometimes (we take their as well), in laws are always happy to have them.

If they actually want to make young motherhood attractive they need to make childcare cheaper, make it easier for mums to go back into education/ pursue education while they have children or are pregnant, and keep WFH as an option. I don’t think we would have had a third child if DH didn’t have the option to WFH as much as he does. He can’t really actively parent while he’s working but having another adult in the house makes it easier and if I need to nip out he can get away with watching them for a sec.

This is news to me… I had my first child at 17 and I felt hugely judged for years. I still do to be frank now he’s 16, particularly when I attend his school events like parents evening or award ceremonies. I think people maybe assume I’m his sister. I have younger children and I’m still one of the youngest parents, often by about 10 years! I think most people have kids in their 30s or even 40s.

Found teenage parenting difficult for lots of reasons. I felt I had to prove I wasn’t a failure and was a brilliant parent. I put myself under so much pressure- breastfeeding even though it amplified PND, reusable nappies, organic homemade food, not letting him watch TV for years or eat sweets, making sure he was constantly read to and we were always visiting museums and galleries etc. I enjoyed aspects of this too and I mean, he’s set to get straight 8s and 9s in his GCSEs and is head boy so it paid off! But it was also partially because I was terrified people would think I was a bad mum.

I also wouldn’t recommend anyone else do it, ever. Had to go through 8 years at uni (to PhD level) as a mum when my peers had no responsibilities at all. So difficult.

It's shown me that individuals are somewhat easily influenced by society at large and current trends via media.

I actually believe that there is a potential for unemployment yo be widespread in the future due in part to AI, robotics and automation, and that future generations will look back at forced work in horror and a weird system of the past.

Of course there will always be work that technology but maybe it will be the case that people will work because they really want to, for something to do, for routine and for some extra money.

I know myself when I was a teenage mum on benefits (I won't get into the reasons here, but the reasons were valid) getting really upset seeing newspaper headlines implying young single mothers on benefits being scroungers, lowly and otherwise demonised.

I can see now it was just a disgusting way to paint vulnerable human beings and I wouldn't give such vile nonsense the time of day now but at the time it really got to me.

It’s a backlash to feminism: I wouldn’t crow about it.

Noone can judge when you ‘should’ have a baby, i had my first at 18, some would say that was too young to be a mum, but i think i done a good job of raising her despite being young, i had my last at 31 being older hasn’t made me a better mum, im still me, i parent my youngest the same way i parented my eldest the only difference is i have more confidence in my parenting skills but thats not my age, that’s experience.

I was 16 as well but I haven’t seen any praise for young motherhood so I can’t speak on that front.

I am shocked by how many girls from DD’s school already have children though, starting from 17 onwards. You’d think with better knowledge and access to contraception it wouldn’t be something young girls want, but she probably knows over 20 girls who’ve had children and she’s only 21.

I’d never recommend it, but maybe my experience was less… positive because it was a far more conservative country.

I don't think anyone really thinks it's a good idea for children to have children. Most people believe children should be protected from having that much responsibility that young.

Which is not to say anyone should be treating teen parents badly, or course.

I haven't noticed a swing towards this being seen as a good thing (outside the crazy right wing groups who see women as babymaking machines, of course).

huge difference between younger eg 25 (which I was) and 16 when you are still a child yourself. I’m hoping there will be more women realising you can have children in your 20’s then continue your career, plus huge plus point, in your 50’s you are child free and earlier retirement is more possible

Also I don’t feel “vindicated” because I think a lot of the men pushing for young motherhood are the same men who a few years ago were calling young mums slags. Two sides of the same coin. I wasn’t as young as you but I was 20 and all the shit I got was from men, couple of women who made comments about how I should have enjoyed my 20s more but I don’t really count that as giving me shit.

Sorry but 16 is very young to be a mum even those pushing for women to have dc younger are talking about 20+ not as a child mother.
The awkward truth is leaving off motherhood until your 40s isn't good for anyone, your more likely to have difficulties getting pregnant, there's a higher rate of birth defects and disabilities, also more complicated pregnancy. We really do need to have an honest discussion about the best age for women to start a family being in their 20s and 30s.
Children having children will always be judged and imho always should be

Incidentally, I never understand this point that having children younger makes early retirement easier. I had mine later, and as a result got a lot more senior in my career and invested in pensions/ISAs early enough to benefit from compounding and growth. My general experience is that people who delay children tend to be wealthier, rather than the other way around, but it seems to be a common view on MN

As my mum always says ‘a woman's place is in the wrong!’ No matter what, women will always be criticised!

One of the big problems for people in their twenties (and it is people, not just women - men have to make the choice to have kids too and to commit to caring and providing for them) is housing.
It’s extremely difficult for young people to be able to afford to rent or get a mortgage in their mid twenties. If you can’t afford to live independently, you can’t afford a family home.
Most people who have their own place at a young age have had help with deposits etc. There’s not that many people that have that advantage though.

This is very relatable because I was so young (actually found out I was pregnant when I was 15) I had a health visitor for young parents come round every other week and she brought a million leaflets many about breast feeding and how great it is, reduces the chance of childhood cancer, makes their iq higher etc. Safe to say when I couldn’t breastfeed I beat myself up a lot about it

Easy to say it should always be judged until you realise individuals have to deal with shit from people everywhere they go hearing the same insults told a million times as if it hadn’t all been heard before, directed at young mums just trying to raise their kids and mind their own business

Literally no one thinks 16yo should get pregnant. 28-32 is the age most agree is right and thats been the same since my time, but you'll get a lot into later 30s. Before 25 still considered too young.

I don’t think anyone should be having children until you are financial stable, and can provide then with the necessities such as a roof over thier heads, heating, food, clothing etc.. and meet their emotional needs.

For many the ability to do that is not going to be there when you are 15, 16, 17, 18 years old.

My friend had her first at 16, she’s done incredibly well, but she never wanted her own daughters to do the same, it was hard.

Someone judging doesn't mean making cruel or unnecessary comments to child mothers.
I see child brides and child mothers as a societal failure not necessarily an individual failure. Girls getting pregnant at 15 is not something that anyone should be advocating or thinking is acceptable especially as a 15 year old is under tge age of concent

@Rosyfish do you really think it was a good idea to be pregnant at 15? I'm assuming you and dad weren't supporting you and your family at that age.

Why should a 16 year old pregnant kid be judged ? That's cruel. They got into that situation because they have immature brains..they aren't accountable for poor personal circumstances like an adult is. They deserve compassion and support, not judgement they are going to have life hard enough without shaming them

If you see my 2nd post you should find the answers to your questions

I didn’t say it was a good idea, just said what I did and was judged for I guess the only stereotype that applies here is I did “scrounge” off taxpayers for the first few years yes other than that I’m still with the father, we both have jobs now and my parents have never helped let alone done everything for me as people probably assume

This has surprised me. My DC said a girl who is only 13 in their school left to have a baby. They were visibly shocked by this and couldn’t believe it. I had to explain that when I was at school, even though it was only 16/17 years ago, it wasn’t common as such but far far more common than it is now. I distinctly remember three girls in my year having babies before we finished school.

Forgot to add like millions of older mothers also claimed benefits at some point and no one judges them

I was judged heavily when I had my first at 17, even by the doctor I had! The doctor was by far the most critical where even midwife’s were commenting on his attitude and remarks.