Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

[Mothalina]

I'm lucky to have an incredibly well behaved, polite and fun 3-year-old daughter. (I'm under no delusion this will always be the case!) Recently she was passed on a second hand 'fairy' type pink dress, that I usually let her wear over other clothes when she asks. She wants to start ballet soon and likes twirling around in it. This Sunday we were about to go out to a pub lunch (nothing booked, we were just going to see what we could get) and my husband made a big deal about her taking it off before we went out. He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after while I calmed her down. I told him she's three, it's a weekend and there is no harm in letting her wear it. It's not an expensive dress, she usually wears it a bit and then wants to take it off. To me it doesn't seem like something important enough to cause a major upset. She is a sensitive/empathetic child and brought it up again with her daddy later in the day - she didn't understand why he was unkind. He didn't give any solid reasons behind why he is so against her wearing this out. I'm strict about other things but this doesn't seem like something to upset her about. AIBU? Or am I missing something? Would like to hear others take on this situation.

I dislike seeing or hearing any child running around in a restaurant, but that’s not the issue here. I do enjoy children happily dressed up and using their imagination and as far as I’m concerned they can do that where they like.

What is wrong with him? He thinks treating her like that is more important then letting her wear a dress ffs?? If you can't wear a fairy dress as a 3 year old, when can you??

Yes but that's not the outfit that is the issue, it's the running around. Unsafe and not polite.

I would see going out in a dress up costume as equivalent to taking a toy. There are some situation you wouldn't (eg. Grandmas funeral) but mostly, as long as it's non disruptive, crack on.

My rules would be
fairy dress, small dinosaur, dolly, colouring = fine

Padded costume that gets in the way, football, hoola-hoop or noisy toy = leave at home

Maybe he didn't want to deal with her wanting to take it on and off while you were out eating? You said if wears it and then wants to take it off. Just a thought.

I let my 3-4 year old son go out wearing his dress-up policeman's uniform. So many people entered into the spirit, saying things like ‘Morning Officer’ or ‘Please don’t arrest me’. It was really sweet and he was so chuffed. Your DH is an idiot. Who objects to seeing a small child dressing up? They are young and innocent for such for such a short time.

What on earth is with all these vile men atm on here? And what are women doing with these men? I divorced exh some years ago but can honestly say he was never anything but 100% kind to
our children. How can women stand back and allow a child to become distressed for no simple reason than the parent with a penis thinks his little girl is not dressed suitably. I honestly give up if these numerous threads are true

This was really poorly handled.
I don't allow dress up clothes outside home neither but the way he dealt with it was unnecessary. He could've helped her pick out a nice outfit to wear (which she would most likely have responded to as she is generally well behaved) and stored the fairy dress somewhere safe for later.

My son was spiderman for 2 years. Even at a wedding (we did ask permission before anyone goes nuclear - and he wore a nice outfit to the church)

Anyway, he owes her an apology. And I would have put the dress straight back on her.

Mine was Cinderella everywhere for years, she had multiple cinderella dresses. Her little friend (a boy called Alex) was Belle for about 6 months! They looked lovely in Tesco in their frocks. Both are now 15 and Alex is a big hulking Rugby playing totally normal looking dude and my daughter is a goth. Your husband is an arse.

She is three he was being mean. I work with someone and the odd time his wife's calls in with their daughters. They are always in Princess dresses - they make everyone smile.

Poor girl - if he is going to behave like that when she is three god help her with him when she is a teen.

What is he like in general op?

Way to create a distressing core memory Mr Hubby. Could be one of her first too. Well done.

I didn’t allow it either. No dress up clothes which couldn't be washed while eating.

Was he really “unkind” or did he just say no and stick to it?

I strongly believe life is about finding joy in the small things. This could have been one of those moments but your DH ruined it for her. If only they made them for 49 year olds I’d have one too 😉

Awww that is a bit mean. Why upset her before going out if she was quite happy? As others have said it would be one thing if she would be distressed at getting something on it or whatever, but I don’t have kids and if I’d gone out to eat and saw her it would have made me smile!

Nothing wrong with him saying no. But the way he handled it sounds very heavy handed.
And two parents contradicting each other is never good.
He could have made it way more light hearted, helped the kid pick a normal outfit and got on with the day. The kid sounds well behaved and placid and would most likely have responded to that.

If I see a kid out in say supermarket in costume I usually compliment them. They like it and parent normally seems happy ( maybe relieved if of yr dh’s viewpoint.)

I'd start the conversation by saying, "I'm sure in your own head your reasons for your appalling behaviour were unimpeachable, but I want to make it clear to you that a scene like that over clothing is never to happen again."

I'd continue by telling him that forcibly removing clothes from a girl and policing her clothing choices basically by taking advantage of the size and strength difference is an ugly incident that is never, ever to be repeated.

Then I'd tell him the conversation is over. and I'd get up and walk out of the room.

I work in a cafe type environment and a child in dressing-up clothes always puts a smile on the staffs faces!

I think your DH is a real party-pooper 👎

At the end of the day, it’s a bit of fun. I seem to remember being obsessed with ballet and would get my tutu and ballet shoes on at any excuse, and dance for people wether they wanted me to or not!😁

My (then) 5 year old nephew wore his tutu out for a pub lunch once. Your husband would certainly be clutching his pearls over that. 😅

Totally unreasonable, your daughter should get to have some autonomy over what she wears if it wouldn't get ruined and isn't innapropriate for the weather conditions. She's 3, let her world be princess dresses and sparkles if that what she wants. She'll be in school uniforms soon enough 😭