Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

[Mothalina]

I'm lucky to have an incredibly well behaved, polite and fun 3-year-old daughter. (I'm under no delusion this will always be the case!) Recently she was passed on a second hand 'fairy' type pink dress, that I usually let her wear over other clothes when she asks. She wants to start ballet soon and likes twirling around in it. This Sunday we were about to go out to a pub lunch (nothing booked, we were just going to see what we could get) and my husband made a big deal about her taking it off before we went out. He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after while I calmed her down. I told him she's three, it's a weekend and there is no harm in letting her wear it. It's not an expensive dress, she usually wears it a bit and then wants to take it off. To me it doesn't seem like something important enough to cause a major upset. She is a sensitive/empathetic child and brought it up again with her daddy later in the day - she didn't understand why he was unkind. He didn't give any solid reasons behind why he is so against her wearing this out. I'm strict about other things but this doesn't seem like something to upset her about. AIBU? Or am I missing something? Would like to hear others take on this situation.

I’ve always had little ones take off their dressing up clothes when we go out- not as a big deal, just because the dressing up clothes generally are for playing with at home. It all sounds like a massive drama was made of it tbh.

He reacted like this because he was out of his window of tolerance. What else had happened that day? Was he worried about the lunch - was it with difficult family members? Was he worried about the cost? Had your DD been irritating that morning? (Toddlers can be infuriating) I doubt the reaction was really about the dress

He carried her upstairs and forced it off her.

Horrible and mean.

He forced a dress off a 3 year old for reasons that he can’t actually give (because frankly a 3 year old wearing dress up out is normal) is awful OP really awful

and if she mentions it to an adult at pre school it is a massive safeguarding concern

Bloody hell, my youngest was almost permanently dressed as Batman for about 5 years. She should absolutely be allowed to wear her fairy princess dress everywhere!!

Reminds me of the time my 3 year old DS insisted on wearing his all in one swimsuit with sun glasses all day outside. Made people smile. Your DH needs to chill out. Literally no one cares what a small child is wearing.

I mean my almost three year old when out for a pub lunch yesterday wearing a football strip (had been at football “lessons” in the morning) a pair of Spider-Man wellie boots, a cowboy hat and a superhero cape. We were running late for our reservation and I’m all about picking your battles! Sure people looked but all we got was smiles. I don’t understand the “what would people think” thing, surely what they think is look at that cute toddler who’s picked his own clothes today, how sweet.

How odd of him to make your own child 'less'...to mute their creativity and imagination ...the sort of thing that could change a child's whole future and development...OP you need to talk to him about developmental stages and he needs to understand how children learn before he changes her beautiful personality and crushes her spirit

Gosh DD1 went out and about and even to nursery for a year dressed as "Madeline" from the film, complete with straw hat

He physically forced her out of her dress? That’s absolutely awful.

Let her wear what she likes. I wish I could fit into my granddaughter’s pink princess dress 😁

He sounds like an abusive arse.

Ohhhh, I have been out in public with Spiderman, a pink flamingo, a ballet dancer and a dinosaur on a few occasions in my life. They have put in appearances when we went shopping on the high street. the cinema (Spiderman) and various family visits/meals out.

As long as they are decent outfits and its not a formal event and they are appropriately dressed for the weather, where is the harm?

I can tell you that there are lots of beaming faces from adults when the kids went out like this.

I think this says more about your husbands own inhibitions and fear of being judged than anything else.

He is a tw@t anime your dd is a completely normal child in choosing what she'd like to wear.

is he always this forceful to get his own way?

Do you always let him upset her even when you disagree?

Oh gosh! I’ve always encouraged my children to choose what they wear and be who they want to be from a young age. My 4 year old has been out today as Owlette from PJ masks and teamed it with bright pink crocs. She was happy.
It’s not a battle I’d ever have. They’re just clothes 🤷‍♀️

Aaaah poor DD! Mine have been out with all sorts; tiger onesies, superhero costumes, knights tunics / cloaks, fake tattoos, glittery nail varnish (on boys).... my eldest went through a stage where he wore a top hat type thing everywhere he went. Makes me feel wistful thinking of it now!! The only thing I didn't allow, were weapons, and that was mainly to save any unwitting bystanders from getting bashed unexpectedly in Tesco. I think with a 3yo, anything that isn't dangerous / rude / lots of hassle, should be allowed.

I bought my daughter a beautiful dress to wear on Xmas day. Santa brought her a new ballet tutu with Elsa on it for her ballet class. Guess which one got worn out for dinner on Xmas day. I fear your husband was brought up in a ‘because I said so’ way and is not breaking the cycle!

Wait until DD is a teen. This man needs to learn to pick his battles!

She sounds awesome and he's a bully.

FWIW though, I wouldn't consider the act of forcing a 3yo out of (or in to) certain clothes, to be abusive or over a line, in itself. I think that's a bit OTT. I've had to do that a few times, when mine were two or three, if they were tantruming and we were in a rush / something was unsafe or gross. One time for example, my 2yo pooed his pants, but because of 2yo logic, wanted to undress himself, which would definitely have ended up with poo everywhere. So I did have to undress him "against his will", as it were. Or other times, if they insisted on wearing shorts on a snowy day, I might jam them into a pair of trackies, if we were running late for school run or GP appointment or something.

Let her wear the dress. Let her be young. She will soon be forced into a school uniform 5 days a week so let her have fun whilst she can.
id be saying that to the husband. They are only small and like to dress up for a short time. Embrace it

I see little girls out in princess dresses all the time. FGS husband is a controlling bully.

Sounds like your DH made this into a battle and then didn't want to back down. You need to challenge him on this.

He's weird. Very odd that he won't give a reason.

I think he was too strict.. my son has been out in costumes lot, but where we live (not UK) a lot of teenagers go out shopping in cosplay every weekend, so it would be impossible to tell him no, when he can see people walking around our local shops in all sorts of costumes
.

Personally I would have played along in front of her, "yes let's all be smart for dinner today" etc. but then afterwords I would have had a serious discussion about it with him after. I wouldn't have made it into a big deal then and there as some posters are suggesting. One partner being more strict on clothes isn't worth a row in front of a child or taking sides against the other parent etc. I'm sure it can be resolved in a discussion after.