Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

[Mothalina]

I'm lucky to have an incredibly well behaved, polite and fun 3-year-old daughter. (I'm under no delusion this will always be the case!) Recently she was passed on a second hand 'fairy' type pink dress, that I usually let her wear over other clothes when she asks. She wants to start ballet soon and likes twirling around in it. This Sunday we were about to go out to a pub lunch (nothing booked, we were just going to see what we could get) and my husband made a big deal about her taking it off before we went out. He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after while I calmed her down. I told him she's three, it's a weekend and there is no harm in letting her wear it. It's not an expensive dress, she usually wears it a bit and then wants to take it off. To me it doesn't seem like something important enough to cause a major upset. She is a sensitive/empathetic child and brought it up again with her daddy later in the day - she didn't understand why he was unkind. He didn't give any solid reasons behind why he is so against her wearing this out. I'm strict about other things but this doesn't seem like something to upset her about. AIBU? Or am I missing something? Would like to hear others take on this situation.

I think that’s horrible of him. I don’t understand why she couldn’t wear it. If she’s got normal clothes on too she’s not going to be cold. Mine sometimes went out in dress up as a preschooler. People smile. I’d smile at a little girl in a fairy dress having her Sunday lunch.

My daughter dressed as a different Disney princess pretty much everyday when she was little. School run, grocery shopping, pre school,dentist, out for dinner you name it. I have many pictures of dinners out and family occasions with Belle, Spiderman and Iron man. What harm does it do.

I remember taking dd to the cinema in frog wellies and a knitted Peruvian style hat, to the cinema in a heat wave . It’s actually a very fond memory

My 3 year old insisted on wearing her Christmas Fairy dress to Nursery, teamed with black Dr Martens.
I quite admired her fashion choice, and she made people smile 🤷‍♀️

I feel really nostalgic for the time that my kids used to wear their favourite dress up outfit everywhere.

I have a lovely photo of my daughter climbing a tree in a princess dress with a tiara.

he’s definitely being unreasonable,

He "forced it off her" for no actual reason?

Your poor DD.
Mine has worn fancy dress type clothes (and general odd combinations of clothes / patterns etc) all over the place - the park, parties, nursery. In the context of our lives it’s absolutely not a battle I’m going to have with her.

There is a middle option. She's 3, old enough to understand (if one of you feels strongly enough) that dress up clothes are for playing at home. Not for wearing out. For going out we need clothes that are warm/cool, suitable in the sun/rain & for the activity we're doing.

Theres was no need to go about it the way he did. You two need to agree though as she needs consistency.

Yeah I definitely would have allowed it. My daughter was dressed like a princess/fairy/ballerina from 3-5 as well. She was fabulous. I miss that stage. As long as it's suitable for the weather, and not a very formal occasion like a wedding or something, I let them choose.

Your DH is a miserable prick, what a horrible thing to do to a happy little 3yr old in her dressing up outfit about to go out. So unnecessary. My 5yr old currently goes almost everywhere as Elsa. I love it and she gets so many smiles and comments which she loves. Her dad loves it too and is always super proud of her crazy little outfit choices, even tho I often cringe inside! But I get over myself and let her get on with it. He needs to get that stick out of his arse and enjoy his little girl whilst she still wants to be a princess, or pirate, or whatever the hell it is!

I agree he's a wanker. How will he manage dressing up days at school?

Quite apart from the sheer mean-spiritedness of the man, for a grown man to physically dominate and manhandle a little girl like this, there has to be a fucking good reason (such as her life being in imminent danger). To do it over clothing choice is unconscionable. I would be livid. Vicious, horrible bastard.

Dd1 spent most of age 3 dressed in her rapunzel dress. I always said she was a Disney princess who liked to climb a tree. Totally pointless battle. I also used to let mine wear bridesmaid dresses (after being a bridesmaid) to parties with bouncy castles. Did they get wrecked? Yes. The alternative was having them sit pristinely in the wardrobe. What’s the point? At 3 you should be able to wear whatever you want.

I wouldn’t minimise it. I agree him forcing it off her isn’t on. She’ll definitely remember it.

At that age I'd occasionally take my son out in a princess dress, or a superhero costume, buzz light-year, he loved dressing up. My daughter has worn what I can only describe as a bridesmaid dress handmedown almost everywhere for weeks

As long as its warm enough ie tights or leggings in the winter with a cardi/coat/wellies as needed then a princess dress is not my hill to die on. I will often be seen at the shops/pub/park with a princess in tow. She has to wear a uniform now so its her choice at the weekend.

My little one was always in
fancy dress when out and about. People used to stop and admire his costumes and address him as Spider-Man or whoever he happened to be at the time! I would never say no to my children unless I had a perfectly good reason.

I wonder if he'd not expected it to be such a big deal, but having told her not to wear it he felt trapped by his own decision and that he needed to follow through with what he'd asked her to do.

It probably didn't help that you consoled her "for ages" - that's not useful to anyone. Tell her "never mind, we don't wear dress up clothes while we're eating" and job done.

Yes DH was daft, but indulging a 3yo's tantrum when they don't get their own way is also daft.

FWIW my kids at that age were rarely allowed to wear dress-up stuff out of the house, because losing a favourite item or getting it stained would have been a big problem. They also were not allowed to wear them for meals, for the same reason. Maybe next time she can be allowed to wear the dress to the pub, but take it off to eat (though this might mean the tantrum then happens in the pub instead).

Slovenly. As did everyone else, I'm sure.

Finally some sense in this thread.

She's three - she can understand that we don't wear X when we go to dinner, the same way she can presumably understand we don't just wear a nappy at the table.

I love seeing little ones out in their dressing up stuff. They always look so happy. Your dh was completely in the wrong

Bloody hell - if he's this ridiculous now, how bad will he be when his daughter is 13?

Our DD spent a LOT of time in Disney princess dresses. I drew the line when she wanted to wear one for a wedding though! She was wrestled out of it on that occasion much to her disgust. I’d have let her wear it to a pub lunch
/shopping etc. We had boundaries and if we felt it wasn’t an acceptable occasion to wear the princess dresses they weren’t worn. OP kindly, she 3, you’re using the words that her dad was “unkind” in not allowing her to wear what she wanted. You also say “he couldn’t give a solid reason” was this solid reason to you or your child? I also remember a massive tantrum because she wanted to wear a pink outfit to school. She wore school uniform - sometimes there is no negotiation.

I would be concerned about safety as dressing up clothes are known for being made from flammable materials. Okay at home where you can control the environment, but less so out and about, in a busy restaurant