Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

[Mothalina]

I'm lucky to have an incredibly well behaved, polite and fun 3-year-old daughter. (I'm under no delusion this will always be the case!) Recently she was passed on a second hand 'fairy' type pink dress, that I usually let her wear over other clothes when she asks. She wants to start ballet soon and likes twirling around in it. This Sunday we were about to go out to a pub lunch (nothing booked, we were just going to see what we could get) and my husband made a big deal about her taking it off before we went out. He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after while I calmed her down. I told him she's three, it's a weekend and there is no harm in letting her wear it. It's not an expensive dress, she usually wears it a bit and then wants to take it off. To me it doesn't seem like something important enough to cause a major upset. She is a sensitive/empathetic child and brought it up again with her daddy later in the day - she didn't understand why he was unkind. He didn't give any solid reasons behind why he is so against her wearing this out. I'm strict about other things but this doesn't seem like something to upset her about. AIBU? Or am I missing something? Would like to hear others take on this situation.

Totally fine to wear it out and about. No need for Dad to force it off her. We do have times where we enforce ‘sensible’ clothes, but also plenty of times where fun clothes are fine. However, if he doesn’t want her to wear it, I don’t think he’s a dick for ‘helping’ her to take it off. If young children don’t follow an instruction, it’s fine to follow through with what you want them to do imho. Doesn’t need to be angry, but yeah follow through on your decision.

Awww your poor girl! My DD used to be obsessed with frozen and one day she wanted to wear it to nursery, off she popped and as soon as she got in the building all the staff said hello elsa to her

He's definetly being unreasonable, that's proper tight

No, this is a man who needs to stop throwing his weight around and to learn to choose his battles.

He could redeem himself by apologizing like a decent grownup to his child for upsetting her so much.

He needs to ask himself if he's ever seen a small boy out and about wearing a Spiderman t-shirt or the like.

‘He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after.’

Oh this is horrible OP ☹️

My DP can be a bit of a dick like this too, and then he gets the arse with me and says I’m undermining him when I confront his batshittery. But I’ll always put my children first and if I think something isn’t fair I’ll say it, rules for the sake of having rules sometimes!?

This.

He was OTT and clearly doesn't understand a 3 year plds thoughts and feelings. There was nothing but happiness and good associated with that dress to her, and now he's made an unhappy memory. It doesn't sound like she was trying to wear it all the time or to school etc, and wearing over clothes would mean she was warm enough so I can't see why he'd over react.

Wonder how he would have coped with my three your old son wearing a princess dress to the beach…

With regards the manhandling, I'd say to him would you do that when she's a teenager wearing something you don't want her in? Is it easier to do it now because she's small and easy to carry, therefore easy to dominate? I hope he has a good look at himself.

Oof, yes, she has a point. Why was he unkind? He could have given her the courtesy of an explanation. Is he a bit thick? Or is he a 'can't be told' kind of a guy. I'm sorry if that's the case.

It’s worth him thinking about who he is parenting for… his daughter, or strangers he is worried with judge him. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of parenting for strangers.

I often see children wearing their dress-up clothes outside. I don't see a problem with it.

I love seeing little children wearing their dress-up clothes out and about; quite sad that daddy didn't like it.

Awww! Poor little thing!

No harm at all in a child of that age wearing dressing up clothes out and about.

Reading this reminded me of my boy choosing to wear his sister's hot pink tutu to his 3rd birthday party for about the first 20 minutes. Didn't do him any harm and now that he's a teen, he wouldn't touch a pink tutu with a bargepole! I cherish those pictures.

It's great that they are developing their imagination at this age.

Your husband would have a field day with my 3yo son who is always wearing princess dresses/ tutus etc out and about with me 🙄

I love seeing kids in dressing up clothes, they have their whole lives to dress sensibly.

Just after Christmas I was stood in a supermarket queue behind Spider-Man and Elsa from Frozen and it made everyone smile.

Honestly, I let mine wear whatever she wants over her clothes. I cannot think of a valid reason to stop them. I would not have gone for lunch after that, I would be raging. I would probably intervene to be honest.

Poor little girl, this made me feel really sad.

DS went round Lidl as Spider-Man today because I didn’t have time to get him changed when I had the baby. If anything I think it made doing the shop easier because I told him he needs to be extra good because people will think he’s Spider-Man and have high expectations.

They’re kids it’s not like they’re going to a job interview, I always think it’s cute when I see kids in their fun outfits. I dressed as a Dalek from Dr Who for years, it wasn’t worth the fight to make me take the costume off unless we were going somewhere serious. Your husband was mean for that and probably just made your life harder.

I had an Elsa for about 2 yrs solid, it was lovely. She had two dresses and alternated, yes they did end up a bit stained but so what? They were loved and cherished and probably the most cost-effective clothes I've ever bought!

Looking back I remember prohibiting her from wearing her "good" sparkly shoes to kindy to stop them from being wrecked. She snuck them in anyway and forgot to take them off at pick up time. She got a decent telling off from me then, and I was cross but looking back now from teen years I wonder what the fuss was about really. They're little for such a short time. If I could go back I would 100% change the decision not to let her feel special and sparkly for the sake of a $30 pair of shoes she soon outgrew.

@GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf I dressed as a Dalek from Dr Who for years

Aww. Daleks are quite rigid and upright though, so were you ever able to sit down? And did you exterminate people who annoyed you?!

I think he's silly to care, but more worrying is that he carried her off and forced her out of it even when she was so upset. Did he hurt her? In that moment would he have noticed or cared?

My granddaughter refuses to wear girlie clothes. She always wears superhero clothes to parties etc .All fine here.

I genuinely didn't even know this was a thing that some parents don't allow. I usually have any combination of Elsa, Iron Man, one of the 101 dalmatians, a horse, a firefighter, a ballerina, or Catboy with me 😅 I think mine wear costumes more than they do normal clothes. If the clothes are clean, weather appropriate and don't hamper their movement, they pass my test! Your DH sounds a little miserable.

Your husband is really mean and boring. That's really sad for your poor little girl.

I love seeing little kids dressed up, its really cute.
They are little for such a short amount of time.

So it was a fabric costume and it was pretty impractical but I could sit down. I used to exterminate people who broke rules and often remained in character for extended periods of time. Got wished Merry Christmas and I said “we don’t have Christmas on Skaro” … I really thought I was a Dalek 😭.