Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

[Mothalina]

I'm lucky to have an incredibly well behaved, polite and fun 3-year-old daughter. (I'm under no delusion this will always be the case!) Recently she was passed on a second hand 'fairy' type pink dress, that I usually let her wear over other clothes when she asks. She wants to start ballet soon and likes twirling around in it. This Sunday we were about to go out to a pub lunch (nothing booked, we were just going to see what we could get) and my husband made a big deal about her taking it off before we went out. He carried her upstairs and forced it off her. She was incredibly upset and sobbed for ages after while I calmed her down. I told him she's three, it's a weekend and there is no harm in letting her wear it. It's not an expensive dress, she usually wears it a bit and then wants to take it off. To me it doesn't seem like something important enough to cause a major upset. She is a sensitive/empathetic child and brought it up again with her daddy later in the day - she didn't understand why he was unkind. He didn't give any solid reasons behind why he is so against her wearing this out. I'm strict about other things but this doesn't seem like something to upset her about. AIBU? Or am I missing something? Would like to hear others take on this situation.

Of course it's fine. DS used to wear all sorts out and about. Superheros, a tiger costume, his gruffalo dressing gown. I have a photo of him in a George pig swimsuit (one of those onesie ones with long sleeves and legs) complete with goggles sitting on a tractor at the farm shop. And another of him gardening in a silk Chinese style ensemble his uncle brought back from holiday.

I miss those outfits. He's 13 now and it's all hoodies and comfy trousers!

My mother wouldn’t have allowed this because it was common (see also character and slogan t-shirts and things with your name on) and would have torn the dress off if necessary. Ask him whether his family allowed it when he was small.
I went to the supermarket with my own little Spiderman for years.

At that age my kids dressed in costume all the time. From the hulk to Fizz from the Tweenies. He is being ridiculous..

I don't find it cute seeing other people's kids running around restaurants in Spiderman costumes or ketchup stained Elsa dresses although I can't imagine getting worked up about it. For us those are for dress up days, parties etc.

But we're not in the UK and you just don't see it where we live. You also don't see adults at restaurants in leggings or sportswear for example.

I think it's OK to have kids learn when and where to wear certain clothes but physically forcing her out of it at age 3 is over the top.

Is it a pattern of saying no to things for no reason? My DH does this. Our daughter nearly 7 now and I’ve been training him to use his brain but I’d say he still says no to something for absolutely no good reason at least once a week. I think he was raised in a very authoritarian way so it’s all he knows. It’s so effing annoying though, causes upset and drama for no reason.

He is very mean.

my now 15yo daughter dressed up all the time. I very often had a little Elsa with me in the supermarket.

what are his reasons for doing this?

It’s not about the dress. It’s about him feeling he needs to have control over a tiny girl. You need to address this with him.

Your DH is crazy. She’s 3 years old, of course if fine for her to wear a dressing up dress out.

This will not be the only issue with your DH, if you really look you will see he’s not a nice person.

My oldest son has regularly gone out for meals dressed as spiderman….i choose to pick my battles and unless we’re going out for a special event or something then he can wear what he wants.

Gosh, that's rather miserable of him! What's the harm in a 3 year old having a lovely time in what she wants to wear? Mine loved wearing her Elsa dress out and about at that age. It didn't occur to me or my husband to have a problem with it.

I don’t think men pay attention to other kids in public until they have kids ( and even then it’s often not much). The OPs husband could genuinely think it’s unusual for kids to be out and about in dressing up outfits when most women will have noticed it many times.
men go out and about in dressing up outfits ( football strips!) all the time!

One of mine loved dressing up so much that he’s now studying fashion design at art school!

Sounds like he was mean about it.
But I am generally a bit stressed about kids wearing those outfits as they aren’t subject to any fire safety standards in the way children’s clothes are. Google campaigns about costumes and fire safety - these things are HIGHLY flammable.

So something to think about - I wouldn’t let my kid wear one where there were candles on the tables in a restaurant for example.

My son went out dressed up as a dinosaur. Also gone out with face paints on and mummy nails (I’d done them for him). We had a great life together when he was a child.

Yeh it sounds like a normal reaction to someone so controlling. Ask him why and if he’ll apologise.

Poor girl, she needs to know that his behaviour wasn’t ok.

My twins went out in their Anna and Elsa dresses all the time. Never occurred to me that they shouldn’t. He was being an arse.

My kids are 7 and 8 and still love dressing up. My daughter wears her little heels and a princess peach dress. My son is either mario or Luigi. I'm taking them to comic con next month so they can cosplay and they're so excited! You 2 need to discuss this and what you would like the outcome to be next time. Listen to his reasons and genuinely try and find a middle ground.

Doesn't this numpty notice children when he's out and about? Loads of them are wearing their favourite fantasy outfits!

It's normal. A three-year-old is not a miniature adult.

Sounds like the way your DH went about it was wrong - possibly check his motivations.
Have 2 upper primary children and am fine with them experimenting with clothes/dressing up/hair styles at home but they understand that it's not always suitable to go outside the home like that. It isn't an issue.
If they are unwell and in fleecy onesies, and have to go with an adult to do the school run, that's fine but generally they are expected to be suitably dressed for leaving the house (ie weather/occasion). I think it is important for children to understand that somethings are acceptable in some circumstances but not others.
Apologies if this isn't a popular view, but this is my opinion!!

A friend of my mum’s had a son who didn’t want to go to school. He was 6. He didn’t want to go because he wanted to stay home to play with his toys. He’d tried the whole stomach ache ( whilst wolfing down a huge breakfast) etc. Anyway his mum said he was going to school and she went to get ready herself. In the couple of minutes she was distracted, he got out his paints and painted himself green. She didn’t shout or get cross or put him in the shower therefore making them very late, she simply took him into school as he was. Her words to his teacher were John is having a green day today. He stayed green all day and strangely never did it again.

Whats unsuitable about a princess dress out of the house though? It’s pretty easy to stick a coat over if it’s cold.

I can’t believe any normal person would object! She’s THREE - nobody would do anything but smile!

Years ago, not long after Christmas, we had lunch at the Savoy in London with a BiL and his friends. The friends’ little boy of 4 IIRC at the time, had been given a Superman outfit for Christmas, had hardly taken if off since, and was wearing it to this fairly smart restaurant. Nobody did anything but smile!

He was very well behaved, and for some reason kept looking around, so I asked why. The dad said he’d told him it was a very posh place and the Queen might be there, so he’d better be on his best behaviour.
At one point he asked, ‘Is she here yet?’ 🤣

Absolutely. Some very visceral responses here.

I have seen this a lot (in the UK) so I think most parents would find it ok or even support it.

Personally I'm with your husband, and find it ridiculous. There are clothes appropriate for inside play, those appropriate for outdoor play, and those for more formal or family outings.

But I'm not originally from England so that might part of it. After 15 years I still don't understand why ultra strict uniforms at school is such a big deal, but boys can apparently wear joggers for the rest of their life, little girls shall wear pink sparkly tutus, teen girls wear... well, close to nothing really...

It's all really weird, 0 sense of style or personality, and ultra gendered.

Let her wear it, DSS used to love going everywhere dressed as Batman at one stage