To think this is beyond grim?

[stunnedbythis]

I was talking to my mum this afternoon, she mentioned that one of her friends is celebrating thirty years living with his boyfriend. It suddenly occurred to me to ask how old they were when they met because her friend doesn't look old enough, and she said he was 18 and his boyfriend was about 32. I knew there was an age gap, but I can't help but think this is really, really grim.

My mum go really defensive about this as she's very close to her friend and to some extent his boyfriend too, but she said things were very different 30 years ago and that it was her friend who did all the chasing (she's know this friend since he was about 16/17 as they worked in the same shop for a while). She said he met this man in a pub and they just hit it off.

My mum is in her 60s now and has a very different outlook, I asked her how she'd feel if one of my children turned 18 and started dating someone in their thirties, but all she could say is "its different now". How is it different?? What am I missing?

Newsflash! Not everybody lives their lives like you OP. Good grief!

I have always had friends of all ages.

I have never worked anywhere that people of all ages haven't socialised together. I have male and female friends ranging from 19 - 86. It surprising what different things you find in common when you have conversations with them.

Same here. My best friend that I worked with (now sadly deceased) was the same.age as my mother..
Another establishment i worked at had employees from 18 to 60. We used to have nights out socialising, we all had loads of fun and nobody thought it was weird. I loved hearing the stories of the youngsters going out getting leathered and crawling into woek the next morning. Brought back memories of when.I used to do the same thing 🤣

@stunnedbythis I’m going to go against the grain here, as I have an 18 year old son. I would be horrified to discover he was in a relationship with someone (of any gender) in their 30s. I would see it as a power imbalance, and therefore unhealthy. However mature my son is considered to be.

Presumably shared interests or shared sense of humour. Very odd to think your friends have to be same age as you.
In workplaces people would chat about tv shows, people watched same thing at same time.
They’d collectively go to pub at lunch or after work. You’d naturally be with all ages.

How old are you? Did you work as a teen? Moved out early?

I am 32, if it makes an difference. Yes I worked as a teen, I had a job in a supermarket. I left home in my late 20's

Why wouldn’t they have other stuff in common? Hobbies/interests etc can cross all age groups. One of the good things about workplaces is that you can meet/become friends with people of all age groups who you wouldn’t necessarily encounter otherwise.
Regardless, they obviously did (and do) get on, and a friendship that has lasted all these years is something to be celebrated! Not many do.

Maybe you should build a time machine and go back and tell them?, you may want to sit down thia for this it may come as a complete shock so think how you may handle it but...gulp...not everyone thinks to same

Also, you say it’s weird that your mum’s friend would want to be friends with someone older. Don’t you think it’s weird that your mum wanted to be friends with someone younger? You’re putting all the responsibility on the couple you don’t like.

My nan (20) met my grandad (32) and they were happily married until they passed in their 80s. It’s got nothing to do with you.

TBF I do think that's a bit weird too, although she didn't get out much at that time as I was only a baby and my sister was still quite young. My dad used to look after us on a Saturday while mum went to work. It was her only day out.

My auntie was 18 when she married my uncle who was 30. They were married their whole lives.

How lovely that she developed a long lasting friendship in that time.

I’m only asking because back then (fucking hell , were the 90s really 30 years ago?!?) , a lot of 18 yos were a lot more independent and mature than 18 yos now, because they had to be. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but plenty moved out at 16, got jobs , and had lived quite a bit by the time they got to 20. That’s the difference.

You say you moved out late 20’s. By my late 20’s , I had moved countries, had a home, a stable relationship (still together) and a baby.

Your mum presumably worked with this 18 yr old man every Saturday in the department store. It’s natural they’d chat about stuff.
Sounds like your mum enjoyed a day just being her.
She probably had all week to chat to similar mums about kids at toddler group etc.
Talking about the telly, music on in the shop, having a giggle about bosses/customers all very normal with a colleague you work with week in week out.
They obviously hit it off to be friends for 30 years.

Why would you have anything in common with people just because they're your age? I only have a couple of friends my age or slightly younger, quite a few about 10 or so years older and quite a few in their late 70s and 80s (the only ones who normally know what I'm talking about when I discuss my favourite music, TV shows and films) I'm in my 20s.

It was indeed different then - the gay (male) age of consent was 21 until 1994.

But we now consider people (all people) to be adults at 18, yes? I mean, they can marry. And do everything else an adult can.

I was reading about consent. Apparently it was 18 from 1994.

Sorry, cross posted where you edited to add 1994.

Longevity is not always the flex people believe it to be. A long relationship absolutely does not always equal a healthy and happy one. Surely people realise that.

Normally, my stance is always that anyone over say 10 year older seeking a teen is not a good 'un but those IN those kinds of relationships are well 'moulded' by then. Or everyone knows someone who got married at 15 to their 30yr old husband.

Many time's I've read that it is 'normal' in the gay community. I don't know why that is but it makes me less adamant than I would be. I also do not know what it was like to be gay 30 years ago so I find myself hesitant to judge.
OP, if this is your mothers very good friend, I'd assume she knows them well and has been around them the whole time they've been together. I'd just accept her assessment of their relationship. What point is there in dissecting a 30 yr old relationship?

Oh, please, don’t bring colour into this or OP will break her string of Pearls. 😉😂

So do you want to call the police what do you actually want now? You seem obsessed

Are you always this hyper focused like this it is unusual

Interesting gay age of consent was only lowered in 94. I was at sixth form just before that and at uni in 94 and gay friends were in relationships just same as rest of us nothing hidden.