Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

Its very, very different because id not expect DP to forget given id have no doubt spoke about how worried I was every day leading up to it, not to mention id have said "are you still ok to take me" in the morning, like a normal person.

Taxi driver, I mean, its their literal job - to taxi people around. No further comment needed tbh.

Im not normally in to making "but what if <insert different event that didnt happen>" up, but in the operation made up issue then yes tbh id probably be more annoyed, what with it being an operation that no doubt id have messaged my friend about the day before, the day, just before it etc. And, you know, with it also not just being an appointment for a relatively minor procedure (ive had 2, maybe 3, cant recall now, think it was 3)

It can happen especially if there's a bit of brain fog around for some reason. The other day I went upstairs leaving bacon under the grill, filled the house with smoke and risked a serious fire. It's not because I don't care about the safety of myself and my home, I just forgot that I meant to go straight back downstairs.
But your friend is very hurt. She wants space so leave her for a while, then drop by with some flowers and offer her a hug if she wants it.

It is disappointing - but I guess I can understand how it could happen when your child all of a sudden becomes poorly.

Also from the sound of things - OP is usually a dependable source of support.
People always hold on to the one time you are not perfect and forget the 99 times you were there.

I don’t know why you’ve taken all the blame for this. Why on earth didn’t she text you the night before to check-in? Or in the morning? You have a whole life to lead too with things going on. Be careful how much you apologise to her - that’s far too much drama when she didn’t miss the appointment and was also at fault herself. The only ‘should have’ for you is that in conversation I would have said to her ‘just make sure you text me the night before or in the morning’.

Thats why taxis were invented

I think that's the thing - I am very forgetful but I genuinely can't understand how this might happen. Not saying that to have a go at the OP, I just know that I genuinely wouldn't forget something like this.

Having said that, if I were the friend, while I would be hurt to realise that the OP didn't care quite as much as I might have thought she did, I wouldn't be looking to lose the friendship. I would readily accept a nice apology and carry on with the friendship as before, albeit with a slightly revised understanding of what the friendship might mean to the OP.

Why did she not call you at agreed meeting time asking where you were? Peculiar behaviour.

Sorry you’re getting a hard time on here OP.

As someone who has recently had a colposcopy for CIN1, you are recommended not to drive after LLETZ or cone biopsy. A normal colposcopy with biopsy you’re fine to drive.

I didn’t feel a thing during the biopsy (despite having a very low pain threshold) and was out at the park with my dc an hour later. I took the bus home but put money aside incase I needed a taxi home. I’m on UC and money is tight. Im a single mother of young dc and wouldn’t dream of asking a friend with kids to drop me off and collect me. Your friend is a single child free woman.

On the other hand, your child with a respiratory medical condition had a bad chest infection. My youngest son has been hospitalised numerous times with chest infections and tonsillitis. In my experience it can develop very quickly and of course your child is your main priority. You’re often running on adrenaline when you have a poorly child and things will slip your mind.

You put your child first which is the most important thing. Yes, she may be pissed off but if she’s a good friend, she should understand. Like I said before, she should have arranged her own transport and if she’s struggling financially, the hospital can arrange her transport.

Don’t feel bad. Honestly if I were you after her petty behaviour, I wouldn’t want her as a friend anyways.

So dramatic.
It was just a mistake. It's done, she apologised, it needs to be forgiven.

If you’ve had sedation they won’t let you go home in a taxi alone, you have to have a person they contact to accompany you.

You don’t need me to tell you that it wasn’t great that you forgot but in truth, it happens when you’re a parent carrying the mental and physical load for lots of other people. It was a clear, genuine mistake off the back of your child being unwell. A true friend would understand despite being irritated.

I'm my DH's number one priority after his kids and vice versa. I'm not the number one priority of any of my friends and nor are they mine. A DP forgetting is different to a friend forgetting because her own kids were sick. Obviously.

It was a colposcopy! She didn't have sedation.

Read OP’s update posts. No prep, it wasn’t a colonoscopy and her friend did make the appointment on time.

Was there any need for that? You are clearly projecting, but it's not fair to take it out on that poster.

No, because it's not a colonoscopy it's a colposcopy

You have a ick child OP, who should always take priority no matter what and this a none negotiable due to your child relying on you and your DH to help her.

You apologised, it was unfortunate but life moves on and if your friend continues to be a cow about it then thats her problem. Your child relies on you for survival, do not let people steam roll over you, you are just doing your best which is more than good enough.

Your priorities are spot on, let this selfish woman go.

As a single person I'm with you in that I do everything I can by myself. I've got friends who would offer to help but I don't tell them about stuff unless I have to. When I had a colonsocopy I went by myself in a taxi, refused sedation and got a taxi home.

If one of my friends did offer help and forgot about me I'd be hurt and disappointed though.

I'd have been hurt too, for about an hour maybe. Then I'd get over it because it was a genuine mistake.

Ah ok.

Refused sedation, you’re brave. I won’t have one unless I’m fully under GA.

I wouldn’t lose you as a friend over it if there wasn’t a history of other let downs. If it was a one-off she should move on from it as it’s not worth losing a friend over.

My lift home couldn’t make it once and the whole appt had to be cancelled while I was literally waiting to be called. It was frustrating but I knew it wasn’t deliberate. I do get quite anxious each time I have one because of the commitment someone has to give me to be there (I’m single so have no partner to rely on and my kids don’t live near enough). Expecting that level of commitment from a partner is one thing but from a friend it can be quite stressful to even ask.

She realised and was able to take her home - her friend didn’t want her to

That was stupid of her. She should have said yes and everyone could get back to being friends. In the same situation I would have accepted.

Also, for colonoscopies I always make my own way there, it’s only a lift back I need.

This. I am quite surprised by most of the replies so far to be honest. Yes you fucked up, but you didn’t fuck up on purpose, offered to pick her up and have apologised.

Has “friend” asked after your daughter at all? That would make a big difference to how much effort I would be putting in at this point onwards.

I also think that a good friend would have offered to sort out her own transport once the appointment changed to half-term rather than have you drag your children along.