Page 10 | Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

MamaBee22 · 2026-02-22T14:28:48+00:00

First time posting so please bare with me.. I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go. Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot? Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went. I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before. She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it. Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake. Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term. Thank you

Zov · 22/02/2026 21:22

StillSpartacus · 22/02/2026 21:07

This. I am quite surprised by most of the replies so far to be honest. Yes you fucked up, but you didn’t fuck up on purpose, offered to pick her up and have apologised.

Has “friend” asked after your daughter at all? That would make a big difference to how much effort I would be putting in at this point onwards.

I also think that a good friend would have offered to sort out her own transport once the appointment changed to half-term rather than have you drag your children along.

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Good question

@MamaBee22 Has your friend asked after your daughter? I am guessing not. She sounds quite self absorbed, and is probably furious that you had the audacity to put your own CHILD before her. You have said sorry and she is still shunning you. Seriously, she sounds quite childish. I would let it go and don't contact her. Let her make the next move.

.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/02/2026 22:08

MamaBee22 · 22/02/2026 16:22

Thank you for replies. I already sent a message checking in/seeing if there's anything I could do, and then did send what I thought was a sincere apology, I didn't use excuses (for people thinking I am I just posted them here for context)

My DC ended up needing further anti biotic and steroids because it made her asthma worse, but again I didn't say that to my friend as I don't want to take away from me forgetting. Just trying to show I really did have so many plates to juggle that day, it just slipped out my mind. Thankfully she got there and back ok, and it was done fairly quickly which I'm pleased about.

I think I feel particularly guilty because I know how she feels. I also have no village, my parents are deceased and DH's non existent. The difference being I have him, so I feel even worse because she doesn't have that, I guess in many ways I take on that role in her life. I've always emotionally and practically been there for her and never let her down before so I feel rubbish about the whole situation.

She does have other friends, sibling and her parents but I guess as the closest person to her she wanted me there as they aren't always reliable.

I'll reach out again in a couple of days to see if she's ready to talk to me. If not, I don't know what else I can do.

Wouldn’t she feel better if she knew your child was unwell?

goldylock · 22/02/2026 22:21

ShawnaMacallister · 22/02/2026 19:49

It was a colposcopy! She didn't have sedation.

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How do you know she didn't have sedation. Is it mentioned somewhere?

MimiGC · 22/02/2026 23:54

user295038904830290 · 22/02/2026 16:44

But she'd asked her friend to take and also come with her to an appointment that may lead to a cancer diagnosis. It's fine to rely on that promise. Appointments like that are frightening becuase of the uncertainty of the diagnosis. If you have a settled plan and you are relying on a friend you could be caught short depending on where you live and taxi availability.

@MamaBee22 The fact you forgot showed both you and her that something signifigicant to her didn't matter to you. You need to accept that and own it. It may have been a genuine mistake but it wouldn't have happened if the person and their appointment mattered to you. Would you have forgotten if it was your child? or your mother? No.

She's having a stressful time and you've let her down when she really needed you. If you want to fix this, you will need to hugely demonstrate you are sorry by actions, a big bunch of flowers that someone else suggested is a drop in the ocean. A genuine heartfelt letter of apology sent now together with an offer to do something lovely for her is the sort of approach you need. or major face to face grovelling once time but not too much time has passed.

You need to really understand how devastating this was likely to be in a frightening and stressful situation for your friend - not just the immediate effect of scrambling to get to an appointment, whether she could do anything about it, stress on the day, impact on her health and treatment - but a sense of no one caring and being abandoned. It can't be just dismissed as 'a mistake' because its more than that here.

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Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! Some people are so dramatic, I don’t know how they get through the day. And yes, I have had a colposcopy myself AND a colonoscopy. Neither were pleasant, but neither were they terrible. I went to both by myself and it was fine.

Knittedanimal · 23/02/2026 00:08

Sorry but I think your friend is being a drama queen. I and many of my friends have had a colposcopy, and while it isn't something fun, it doesn't require a friend to attend. I walked 2 miles to my appointment and back!

sammylady37 · 23/02/2026 05:46

i think for your friend, you forgetting this appointment will have reinforced that she is alone and has nobody really in her corner. She doesn’t have a partner or a parent who would prioritise her. And that’s why it hurts so much. She may have been catastrophising about the possible outcome, need for further treatment etc and worrying about facing that alone.

Howwilliknow122 · 23/02/2026 07:41

BillieWiper · 22/02/2026 15:01

I guess I would've booked her an Uber/taxi there and back to make up for it. But it's done now.

I would accept someone forgetting something like that if I hadn't confirmed the night before/on the day they were definitely still able to do it.

It was kind of you to offer so I'd hope she'll see that nobody is perfect.

Why does op need to book and pay for her uber to make up for forgetting. its the friends responsibility to pay for her own ubers.

Op your friend is milking this. You even offered to go and collect her when You have kids to deal with and one wasnt well. Leave her to it if shes this difficult over a one off. I understand her feeling put out if it was stressful to arrange something short notice but she got to her appointment so that should have made her abit more understanding. To all the posters laying into you and telling you to make it up to her, op hasn't killed anyone for crying out loud. It was one missed appointment. And she did try to make it up to her by offering to collect her but said friend said no.

goldylock · 23/02/2026 09:52

Knittedanimal · 23/02/2026 00:08

Sorry but I think your friend is being a drama queen. I and many of my friends have had a colposcopy, and while it isn't something fun, it doesn't require a friend to attend. I walked 2 miles to my appointment and back!

Do you think that it's possible not every colposcopy is done the same?

It can be done under GA/sedation depending on what they find/think they've found, and it can become very invasive and painful.

Your experience is they didnt see/find anything unusual. So, off you walked your 2 miles.

In cases, they find cancerous/pre cancerous, masses down there.

So, here's one for you. Maybe you don't know it all?

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 10:03

Howwilliknow122 · 23/02/2026 07:41

Why does op need to book and pay for her uber to make up for forgetting. its the friends responsibility to pay for her own ubers.

Op your friend is milking this. You even offered to go and collect her when You have kids to deal with and one wasnt well. Leave her to it if shes this difficult over a one off. I understand her feeling put out if it was stressful to arrange something short notice but she got to her appointment so that should have made her abit more understanding. To all the posters laying into you and telling you to make it up to her, op hasn't killed anyone for crying out loud. It was one missed appointment. And she did try to make it up to her by offering to collect her but said friend said no.

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I didn't say OP needed to. I said I would probably do so out of guilt. If I wasn't on the bones of my arse.

Howwilliknow122 · 23/02/2026 10:10

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 10:03

I didn't say OP needed to. I said I would probably do so out of guilt. If I wasn't on the bones of my arse.

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Well you shouldn't either lol. Please dont be on the bones of your arse thou 🤣

user295038904830290 · 23/02/2026 10:16

This thread is extraordinary.

It's very easy to tell who you'd want as a friend and who has never had cancer or supported someone who has gone through a cancer diagnosis.

All these people suggesting this is a selfish drama queen are projecting such self-centredness themselves. It is the height of selfishness to think that forgetting offered support in a situation likely to be so significant to another person is no big deal and doesn't require more than a couple of sorry texts.

Yes we can all do things alone. Yes we can all get a taxi if we can afford it. If you are relying on that person, you aren't going to expect to need to make last minute alternative travel arrangements and that itself is an unneeded stress for a medical appointment. It's no joke missing any medical appointment because of waiting list times; the fear of missing it would probably be horrendous on top of inherent worry about what the results would be. If it's cancer related, these days you could be dead before it's rescheduled; the media is full of stories like this. Just because your colposcopy was fine and didn't need anaesthetic doesn't mean everyone elses is the same.

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 10:20

Howwilliknow122 · 23/02/2026 10:10

Well you shouldn't either lol. Please dont be on the bones of your arse thou 🤣

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Yeah rn I couldn't afford it. But yeah you're right. X

user295038904830290 · 23/02/2026 10:22

sammylady37 · 23/02/2026 05:46

i think for your friend, you forgetting this appointment will have reinforced that she is alone and has nobody really in her corner. She doesn’t have a partner or a parent who would prioritise her. And that’s why it hurts so much. She may have been catastrophising about the possible outcome, need for further treatment etc and worrying about facing that alone.

Exactly this. Well expressed.

Tamtim · 23/02/2026 10:48

Christ, it was a one off and your child was unwell enough to need a doctor’s appointment. Does she have kids of her own? I can appreciate her being pissed off, but I can also appreciate that it wasn’t done will ill intent. I think she’s being a bit OTT. Has she ever let you down? If so, how did you respond?

Megifer · 23/02/2026 10:54

user295038904830290 · 23/02/2026 10:16

This thread is extraordinary.

It's very easy to tell who you'd want as a friend and who has never had cancer or supported someone who has gone through a cancer diagnosis.

All these people suggesting this is a selfish drama queen are projecting such self-centredness themselves. It is the height of selfishness to think that forgetting offered support in a situation likely to be so significant to another person is no big deal and doesn't require more than a couple of sorry texts.

Yes we can all do things alone. Yes we can all get a taxi if we can afford it. If you are relying on that person, you aren't going to expect to need to make last minute alternative travel arrangements and that itself is an unneeded stress for a medical appointment. It's no joke missing any medical appointment because of waiting list times; the fear of missing it would probably be horrendous on top of inherent worry about what the results would be. If it's cancer related, these days you could be dead before it's rescheduled; the media is full of stories like this. Just because your colposcopy was fine and didn't need anaesthetic doesn't mean everyone elses is the same.

Edited

Well it was a one off, the friend didnt double check everything was still ok for a lift on the day, op made a mistake and apologised.

Everything was fine. The friend can either move on and accept the mistake - like a good friend would - or continue to punish op and wallow and enjoy the drama and be friendless i suppose 🤷‍♀️

Blissfulltimes · 23/02/2026 12:00

Ffs op your a friend not her carer or her mother.
You have a family and things slip the mind some times.
She either excepts that it was not done deliberately, or she can crack on sulking.

I have the same appointment in a few weeks and I will be going on my own.
Im a grown woman, I dont need my friends to mother me.

Tbh op maybe you need to step back abit, never let her down before I bet she let you down at some poin, but your just to kind hearted.

I couldn't be dealing with grown adults doing the sulking silent treatment.

Berrybluessey · 23/02/2026 12:07

Let her off OP.
Let her get over her tantrum and don't contact her again.
Do not offer any further favours, you have nough going on with children.

ParmaVioletTea · 23/02/2026 12:14

If she is single, she will be used to dealing with life alone. Asking a friend to take you to an appointment like this is a significant thing and the day itself would be deeply stressful anyway. Being let down at the last minute is horrendous for anything - a taxi not turning up when you are going to see a film or a show or trying to catch a train. If you are facing a health crisis being let down when you are a single person who is already facing it alone is likely to make you feel utterly shit at a point where you though you could rely on someone taking you there.

@user295038904830290 nails it here.

There is so much married couple privilege in this thread. If you are single, you don't have anyone whose commitment & job it is to look after you in these times.

If you ask a favour of this sort as a single woman, you are making yourself quite vulnerable. You are putting trust into someone who does not have to put you first. And indeed @MamaBee22 showed that when push comes to shove, she did not put her friend first.

Of course, there were reasons for that. But I think the emotional truth of this situation is that in a time of stress and need, the OP's friend trusted @MamaBee22 and @MamaBee22 did not live up to that trust. Her fiend made herself reliant & vulnerable on the OP, but the OP did not repay this trust or remember this vulnerability.

And is now making excuse after excuse ...

This is why a lot of single people do not ask for friend's favours - failure shows us where we are in a social hierarchy. As does this thread.

sammylady37 · 23/02/2026 13:09

ParmaVioletTea · 23/02/2026 12:14

If she is single, she will be used to dealing with life alone. Asking a friend to take you to an appointment like this is a significant thing and the day itself would be deeply stressful anyway. Being let down at the last minute is horrendous for anything - a taxi not turning up when you are going to see a film or a show or trying to catch a train. If you are facing a health crisis being let down when you are a single person who is already facing it alone is likely to make you feel utterly shit at a point where you though you could rely on someone taking you there.

@user295038904830290 nails it here.

There is so much married couple privilege in this thread. If you are single, you don't have anyone whose commitment & job it is to look after you in these times.

If you ask a favour of this sort as a single woman, you are making yourself quite vulnerable. You are putting trust into someone who does not have to put you first. And indeed @MamaBee22 showed that when push comes to shove, she did not put her friend first.

Of course, there were reasons for that. But I think the emotional truth of this situation is that in a time of stress and need, the OP's friend trusted @MamaBee22 and @MamaBee22 did not live up to that trust. Her fiend made herself reliant & vulnerable on the OP, but the OP did not repay this trust or remember this vulnerability.

And is now making excuse after excuse ...

This is why a lot of single people do not ask for friend's favours - failure shows us where we are in a social hierarchy. As does this thread.

Agree entirely.
I’m long term single, by choice, and don’t have family living nearby.
I’m independent and resilient, and typically deal with all life’s challenges on my own. I hate asking for help, particularly from friends who have busy lives.
One time, I asked a friend a favour, which was to collect me from hospital after a GA for a gynae procedure. I was perfectly happy to make my own way there, wait there on my own, but I knew the hospital would not release me to the care of a taxi driver, so I asked a friend to pick me up. This would have been a round trip of 25 minutes, no more. She readily agreed. Then on the day, when I was back on the day ward, in pain and puking, she kept badgering me about what time I’d be discharged. I didn’t know, as had no idea what time the surgeon would be doing his post-op ward round. After about two hours of that, she said she wouldn’t be able to do it. She didn’t suggest any alternative, or even apologise, just said she’d have to drop her son to training and couldn’t do it. I had to wait til another friend finished work at 8pm, then drove 20 minutes to get to me, then dropped me home. It added about an hour to that friends day but she did it without hesitation.

I’ve never forgotten how awful I felt when the first friend let me down with such an excuse (training is a weekly thing, it didn’t creep up on her, she could have asked his friends parents to bring him home, or she could have not committed to helping in the first place) and it has unquestionably affected our friendship.

TheRuffleandthePearl · 23/02/2026 13:28

BunnyLake · 22/02/2026 17:03

I have to have colonoscopies and I am very grateful for kind people who give me lifts but I have to know 100% that they will not let me down. It’s a very stressful experience because not only do you have to deal with the prep beforehand but you get some results after too and they are not always positive. I don’t blame her for feeling let down but I wouldn’t break a friendship over one mistake if it was the only time.

Just as well it wasn’t a colonoscopy then, isn’t it.

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 23/02/2026 14:23

sammylady37 · 23/02/2026 13:09

Agree entirely.
I’m long term single, by choice, and don’t have family living nearby.
I’m independent and resilient, and typically deal with all life’s challenges on my own. I hate asking for help, particularly from friends who have busy lives.
One time, I asked a friend a favour, which was to collect me from hospital after a GA for a gynae procedure. I was perfectly happy to make my own way there, wait there on my own, but I knew the hospital would not release me to the care of a taxi driver, so I asked a friend to pick me up. This would have been a round trip of 25 minutes, no more. She readily agreed. Then on the day, when I was back on the day ward, in pain and puking, she kept badgering me about what time I’d be discharged. I didn’t know, as had no idea what time the surgeon would be doing his post-op ward round. After about two hours of that, she said she wouldn’t be able to do it. She didn’t suggest any alternative, or even apologise, just said she’d have to drop her son to training and couldn’t do it. I had to wait til another friend finished work at 8pm, then drove 20 minutes to get to me, then dropped me home. It added about an hour to that friends day but she did it without hesitation.

I’ve never forgotten how awful I felt when the first friend let me down with such an excuse (training is a weekly thing, it didn’t creep up on her, she could have asked his friends parents to bring him home, or she could have not committed to helping in the first place) and it has unquestionably affected our friendship.

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Do you help people out?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/02/2026 14:39

Nearly50omg · 22/02/2026 15:56

If they can’t scrape enough cells off the cervix they also send you for one. It’s a very minor procedure over and done with in less than a minute and also no need not to not drive home afterwards! No sedation etc.
op I think your friend is being an attention seeking drama queen! You’ve apologised multiple times to her and offered to pick her up! What more does she want? Blood?!?!

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It may or may not be a minor procedure. Lucky for you you could measure the procedure in seconds, not even minutes.

As for blood - and yes, I appreciate this isn’t the context you were using it - I was warned I might bleed during the procedure and I did.

As for what the OP’s friend wants? Not blood but a non flakey friend who follows through on a commitment?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/02/2026 14:47

Dollymylove · 22/02/2026 18:55

Thats why taxis were invented

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God forbid friends should help each other out

Megifer · 23/02/2026 14:47

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/02/2026 14:39

It may or may not be a minor procedure. Lucky for you you could measure the procedure in seconds, not even minutes.

As for blood - and yes, I appreciate this isn’t the context you were using it - I was warned I might bleed during the procedure and I did.

As for what the OP’s friend wants? Not blood but a non flakey friend who follows through on a commitment?

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Op has said shes normally dependable.

She's made one mistake. And has apologised profusely. Nothing bad happened and the very competent and capable grown adult woman got herself to the appointment and back (that wasn't for anything sinister as far as op knows) and all was fine.

Maybe op wants a friend who isnt going to milk the arse out of every mistake she makes.

Knittedanimal · 23/02/2026 14:50

goldylock · 23/02/2026 09:52

Do you think that it's possible not every colposcopy is done the same?

It can be done under GA/sedation depending on what they find/think they've found, and it can become very invasive and painful.

Your experience is they didnt see/find anything unusual. So, off you walked your 2 miles.

In cases, they find cancerous/pre cancerous, masses down there.

So, here's one for you. Maybe you don't know it all?

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Why the horrid smug tone?
Here's a forum in which people offer their own experience to respond to people with dilemmas. OP has had alot of people berating her for being distracted by a sick child from a favour to a friend.
Whilst I am of course aware not everyone's experience is the same, my understanding is a colposcopy is an exploritory procedure, and, if further treatment us needed, a more invasive procedure may be required. I am happy to be corrected on this.
Speaking from my own experience, and that of my friends, the OPs friend would not have needed support to get to and from the appointment, and, as such, may be laying the guilt on a bit thickly. I waa trying to help assuage some of this guilt, as the OP is obviously feeling bad.
I do get tired of the tone people jump to on this forum, we all have our own experience/advice to offer, there's no need to be so agressive.