Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

Just to make extra sure I put a large note with black felt tip on my kitchen table telling me what I need to do. So I can’t miss seeing Take friend to hospital on Tuesday (date). It’s a very helpful failsafe for me for the things I mustn't forget.

To be fair, it’s only been a few days. So I think it’s a bit premature to say she’s punishing you with silent treatment.

She obviously messaged you either on the day or soon after, else you wouldn’t have known that the procedure went well with a positive outcome.

you’ve apologies ( a few times?). I’d suggest you leave it at that.

you obviously feel bad about letting her down. As you should. But I’m sensing your need to feel needed and a to be martyr for her. It’s an unhealthy dynamic you’ve got going on between you.

I hope your DC is feeling stronger and at you and your friend get back into the swing of enjoying each others company.

Apologies - I thought it was a standard procedure and the same for everyone.

Out of interest (and sorry if I've missed this earlier in the thread), do you have adhd? Because I do, and this is the kind of thing I do!

I had a colposcopy and was sedated for it. It’s not always a minor procedure, and I was told I needed to have someone escort me home afterwards. Just for info.

The date was changed to half-term. OP's husband wasn't about and her child with pre-existing health issue got a chest infection.

Yes - I would be disappointed - but at the same time I wouldn't expect a friend to to pick me up AND drop me back home with their DC in tow.

But the friend didn't expect it. The OP offered. Then with a few days to go the friend checked again if the OP was still sure about taking her, and OP said it was no problem.

.
i forgot I was meeting a friend from overseas at a tube stop and taking her with a group of friends to a restaurant. No mobiles back then. God that was awful. She was waiting for ages at a random place not knowing the area and I just never turned up.
I wouldn’t blame you as such as these things happen but I would begin to question how much of a priority I was. Just give her some slack and she’ll get over it. I hope your apology to her was big and not a ‘so sorry but let me know how it went’…

Well, I wouldn't expect that either. I'm entirely capable of understanding that people have their own lives and their own priorities.

But the OP said she would still do it, so the fact of it being half term/her DH not being around etc is surely irrelevant? Once you have committed to doing something, don't you feel any obligation to see that commitment through?

Tbh, this thread is making me feel very grateful for my friends. I'm really surprised at how many people seem to think that forgetting to take someone to a hospital appointment is no big deal.

Pretty much everything can be painted as “potentially life changing”. In actual fact it was a routine referral and everything was fine as are the vast vast majority of others referred for this procedure. Nobody likes investigations but sometimes we just have to get on with it especially when those around us are dealing with other responsibilities (like poorly children!)

This is probably why you are the only constant in her life. Your responsibility was to your child, it was an accident that you let her down. You sound busy and overloaded.

You have apologised, there is nothing more you can do, but if she's not very careful she will have even fewer constants in her life. I don't know why you're getting such a hard time.

I think you're getting a hard time. You seem genuinely regretful, you're usually a very supportive friend and you've reached out to her to try to put it right. I don't see what else you're supposed to do - we're all human and fuck up sometimes. A true friendship should be able to recover from this - especially as there was no lasting damage by the sounds of it.

I'd give her some space - send a nice card and flowers saying this oversight is not a reflection on how you value the relationship if you think it will help but self-flagellation shouldn't be necessary in this scenario.

No problem. Thank you.

It depends on what they find/appear to find, and try to remove - it can become quite painful and invasive.

I think she should've rang you when you didn't arrive at the designated time, like a normal person would. She was being a martyr to just go off on the appointment herself without even checking to see if anything had happened to you en route for example. Did she actually think for a second about what if you'd had an accident or something?

I’d be fucked off too, why didn’t you have it in your Google calendar? Not sure if it will be rectified, to her she probably thinks you don’t think she’s important.

Don’t you need to clear your bowels before one with that special medication the night before? I’m sure my DM was on the loo all night before hers.

also the NHS waiting list times are crazy. Not turning up can result in them referring you back to the gp and having to start from scratch. I would be very upset too if I was her and can understand why she’s annoyed. You should have had this on the calendar and/or a phone reminder.

i do think you need to do a gesture and a real apology

As another single person it is attitudes like these on here, and in society in general, that i should never ask a parent (gasp) for help for myself because whatever they are doing is far more important than my crisis. In my case it was removing my belongings from the house where my husband had tried to murder me the week before. After that I never bothered asking again because I too have a flakey family. That means that I have had, over the last decade, take a taxi home from hospital after injuring my shoulder badly in a car accident and had been taken by ambulance to said hosptial, sorted out the insurance etc for my car which was written off, got myself to work and back every day for the 6 weeks I wasn’t able to drive, plus all the other things like shopping which is so much fun one handed. I then had to get myself to hospital by bus as no taxis for the operation I needed a year later ans home again by taxi, luckily, after lying to say my friend was waiting for me there. In reality I was alone. When you do everything alone and have no one to rely on for support it does tend to get lonely and depressing. So no, I don’t blame the friend for stepping back for a bit.

I don’t know but I do sometimes wonder if I do. I’m not really sure what the signs are for middle aged women. I do things like take photos of appliances to make sure I really have switched them off, and return to my front door to make sure I really have locked it andI can’t keep things tidy so I think there is something going on there but not sure what and it’s quite mild to put my finger on.

Thanks for answering!

I always go under general anaesthetic.

Yes but with a SEN child and SEN husband and with my other child too, plus my job… I just would not have capacity for anything like this in my life.

@stclementine sorry you’ve been through all that.
The friend here did check well in advance that the appointment change was okay and was reassured it was. I feel for her, as you do.
Single people, and/or people with no children, still have lives to organise and hopefully sometimes can ask for help.

Almost forgot, I also had to go to a 2WW appt alone after finding a breast lump because there was no one to go with me. In fact the only friend I actually told about the lump and the appt made a point of going on about how she and her husband were going out to dinner that evening so she had to get her hair done in the afternoon. I hadn’t even asked for a lift, help or anything. It is exhausting being single ans having to deal with everything alone. People in relationships forget that.

You admitted your mistake, and apologised. Juggling your own life with poorly children etc. it’s not ok that you forgot, but it’s also understandable. You say she’s single, is she childless too? In this case she’s likely to not understand how stressful it can be to stay on top of everything, and by the sound of it you’re supportive and helpful with her normally.

give her some space, if she genuinely is willing to let your friendship end over one time you slipped up then I’m not sure you are losing much.