Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

Im sorry OP I would say I am mostly dependable however, I am also forgetful. And I always say to people to keep reminding me of things, specially if they asked me when I am not by my calender.
I have a digital amd a written calender, written calender is week by week as seeing a whole month on one go as its too overwhelming for me so things definitely get missed then.

I can understand your friend being upset HOWEVER, I think she would have been sensible to confirm with you the night before or at the latest the morning of.

Also even if I have agreed to do something for someone, if one of my kids are poorly they most definitely come before any grown up person I have made promises to 🤷‍♀️. And I am not sorry if that makes me sound like a bad person.

The other week I was supposed to do am online course that I wanted to do....... kid was poorly and I completely forgot about that even with it on my calender and email reminders. And that was something I wanted to do.

So you have sincerely apologised and thats all you can do really.

You let your friend down. Am not surprised she's not talking to you. Send her some flowers/chocolates/whatever and a proper note of apology, not a text.

How she retreats into silence is a red herring in this. You let her down and didn't even bother to call her/arrange an Uber/taxi to take her/collect her. Tbh, that's the least you could have done. Be prepared to lose the friendship as it's your friend's prerogative to not forgive you for this.

Im actually quite thankful for this thread, its made me realise what a great, uncomplicated, easy going, no stress real solid friendship I have with my best pal. Id worry we do take it for granted but I am suspicious some of these replies are deliberately a bit wild. Ive never known friendships be this intense and hard work.

If we forgot to take the other one somewhere and after an apology we turned up at each others houses with cards, flowers, chocolates, lunch offers, money for taxis, talking about reflection and time to process it etc i think we'd assume the other one is taking the piss tbh, or drunk 😂

Totally agree

Fuck me OP made a mistake. She's apologized.

You didn’t do this on purpose
part of healthy relationships dynamics is forgiving when people mess up
it is an opportunity for your friend to be a better person by not holding a resentment over this if you feel ammends are needed a token would be nice are you dependent on this friendship - what’ would happen if you stepped away for a while?

I’d be pissed off with you because hospitals are really strict about being collected by a named person plus telephone number added to the form prior to the procedure. They then call this person to say ‘xyz is out of the procedure and in the recovery room, if you could collect them in about 1 hour’. The hospital also wants rid of you once you’re recovered cos they’ll have a whole rota of people having procedures then into recovery, they don’t need someone hanging about. I’ve had countless people let me down as a singleton and they’ve just said well can’t you just get a cab? I’d be ignoring you for a good while, I’d likely bring it up once but then leave it hanging between you. It certainly makes subsequent procedures a lot easier as people are then desperate not to let you down again. Sorry, just giving my tuppence worth. I think people underestimate how difficult it is to be single at times like these, because you have to hope that the person you’re relying on doesn’t do as you did. It adds an extra layer of “will they or won’t they?”.

Op I've had quite a few of these, I've always driven myself there and back, even when having biopsies and cell removal. While not the nicest thing to go through, it isn't that bad. Twice I've gone straight back to work afterwards.

It is bad you forgot but it was a mistake, your child was unwell and to be honest a sick child is (and should be) a higher priority than your friends appointment.

You've apologised there's nothing else you can do. If she wants to end your friendship over it, then just accept it and move on.

You need to read the thread! It wasn't a colonoscopy it was a colposocopy! No prior prep needed. I do agree that the colonoscopy prep is really horrible. By the last litre I managed to throw it all back up again! 🙈

Part of being a grown up is telling people when you're taking space to sort your head out though, not blanking peoples messages long after it's obvious that's what you're doing. OP dropped the ball and has apologised, it's now the friends time to be a friend and either forgive her if she's over it or communicate like an adult and say she's feeling a way and will speak to OP when she's ready to forgive. I think these suggestions she has to buy her friends forgiveness are ridiculous.

Personally I wouldn’t put on my friend to take me to and from a hospital appt at half term, but if I did I would have text in the morning to remind her and to confirm time. Common courtesy if someone else is doing you a favour. You clearly had a lot on with a sick child, I wouldn’t be too harsh on yourself.

Reading this thread has been so annoying. I’ll preface my post by saying I’m very reliable and have everything in my calendar, so I would not have forgotten this.

But OP made a mistake! And friend just sat there that morning twiddling her thumbs presumably. Isn’t it normal to text someone coming to your house to check ETA?
Now she’s throwing a strop and refusing to respond. Lots of posters all supporting the behaviour. Op is very sorry and has messaged multiple times. Her friend is now being bloody ridiculous.

OP, please move on with your life for now. You didn’t kill anyone. I’d also evaluate this friendship, because what the hell am I reading?

I would send her a big bouquet of flowers and a card. In the card l would write how bad you feel for letting her down, and there is no excuse, you did not put the appointment on your calender & she is right to be annoyed with you. Say you refuse to lose your friendship with her, because of your stupidity . Cannot apologise enough, say how much you value her & your life wouldn't be the same without her.....Grovel...l hope you sort it out, the thought of losing such a good friend can be very upsetting...

She will have prepped for the procedure (which is hugely unpleasant) and have mentally prepared herself or worried about the colonoscopy. She's now no closer to having a medical issue resolved and will have to wait for another appointment. You promised to take her, you let her down so it's little wonder she's upset with you, Op.

Honestly give yourself a break.
It's an honest mistake although I can imagine her panic and upset on the day.
When your child is ill everything goes out the window - not intentionally but out of sheer panic and worry for your child.
You've apologised. Maybe send a card with another apology and explanation. Then just give her space.

It was a genuine mistake as your DC was unwell, you have sincerely apologised there's not a lot more you can do.
If she is a real friend she should understand, it was not nice being let down but she could have checked with you on the day. She should not finish the friendship over that.

Okay it wasn't a colonoscopy.

Shit happens and you had your own shit going on. You did what you could once you realised and she chose not to take you up on your offer of a lift. It was always a favour, not an obligation of duty. Sure it's annoying for her, but surely she can understand you had your hands full with a sick child.

I believe you that it was a genuine mistake. But you’re doing a lot of “but the kids”, “but half term”, which is a bit like you’re trying to justify letting her down. I have kids, but I know how tiresome this excuse sounds to single childless people.
She is single and going through a health scare and an unpleasant procedure and had you down as a better friend, no wonder she is sensitive. You, albeit absent-mindedly, let her down big time. I think you need to make sure you offer a very large heartfelt and sincere apology (don’t start the “I have kids chaos” blah blah justifying as that won’t help) and then make it clear that when she is ready you are here and want to make amends.

Op i think the least you can do to make up for this is put one of your kidneys on ice incase she needs it later on

Don't give yourself a hard time you have genuinely forgot and obviously your child was poorly.
I understand your friend felt put out but if I knew my friends child was poorly and solo parenting in half term I'd be understanding.
The good news is it all went fine.
Give her time but don't let her punish you for a genuine mistake .
We all make mistakes .

It wasn’t her responsability to remind you, because you discussed this well in advance, you agreed on taking her, staying with her, taking her home. And then you didn’t show up, although you promised! How can you even ásk if you’re being unreasonable???

Least she can do really… haha

Send her a lovely bouquet of flowers with a heartfelt message if you're in a financial position to do so. You shouldn't feel this guilty but you have become her de facto family and I can imagine how alone she has realised she is when you forgot about her.

I've had both a colonoscopy (without sedative, but would advise people have one! Hurt like hell) and a gynae colposcopy where I ended up getting a small amount of treatment on the spot.

Neither are that big a deal, despite what OTT previous posters are claiming. She could certainly have put her big girl pants on and got a taxi.

You forgot, these things happen.

She's thinking that as you forgot you didn't prioritise it. I would have been really annoyed too.