Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

I’m glad I’m not friends with some of these posters. Life is not black and white. The friend can be understandably upset and the OP can be very sorry simultaneously. It’s life, things happen.

Say sorry, don’t do it again, make notes in your calendar and move on. If your friend can’t forgive you maybe it isn’t the right friendship for you.

Yes. Regularly. I have a name among friends and family for being reliable and dependable.

My post of 14.47 yesterday clearly shows I did not know, and other people did not know either hence the confusion on this thread. Or are they all 'pretending not to know' for some bizarre reason only you can imagine.

Anyway if you enjoy denying facts you do you, it's no skin off my nose, everyone has to have a hobby. But I won't engage any more because I don't play chess with pigeons.

You said op didnt seem to know what the procedure was as proof she doesnt care.

I said its pretty clear she did and it was just a typo.

Maybe you didnt know it was a colposcopy yesterday, great, i agree, but thats totally irrelevant to my comment.

Now youre rambling on about me saying people are pretending not to know what the procedure was. Eh? I didn't even say anything remotely like that 😂

As a result, I have no option but to assume the chess with pigeon comment is self-deprecating im afraid 😂

How can you forget an inportant thing like that.it will take a long time to forgive you ,lets just hope she does.

All fine here thanks@goldylock
Looking up thread at some of your other responses, I'm happy with mine 😅

Her child had a chest infection. She was overwhelmed to get him/her an appointment. Her friend is a grown up person, without children who could sort her out herself. Are your friends more important that your children? Her friend is actually an as* *if she doesn't understand that a child comes first.

She's being harsh. Your child was sick and you forgot. It happens. She should have messaged to the night before or that morning instead of a few days before. I would have forgot too in your situation. At least she managed to get there.

This is very misleading for anyone having to have a colonoscopy - they are not scary and very very unpleasant, The worst thing is the prep (I’ve had several due to bowel disease).

Because someone asked her what her childcare arrangement was initially.

Unfortunately it’s a real pain of a thing to forget. Even though she was able to make it, if that hadn’t been the case she would have put her body through all the prep which is horrendous, and had the anxiety of the procedure and worry that the hospital wouldn’t let her home without collection as you need to be accompanied for 24 hours after sedation. As someone who has to have them annually they are a nightmare and I know you feel bad but tbh I’d be very upset with you too. I would let her cool off, send some flowers maybe and a card to say you hope she’s recovering well and you’re there when she’s ready.

Its like you say. Your only human, these things happen.

Hi, colposcopy is still unpleasant and although not officially 2ww is looking for precancerous cells, and can be, horrid and painful, but thankfully less awful than a colonoscopy. It was kind of you to agree to take your friend, but being let down like that is on the same par as being stood up for a date and it's soul destroying territory..

I would grovel to your friend by flowers if you can afford it, or a thoughtful card if not, the sort with real words, not mush.

I would also reflect on what happened and consider letting her know how you would avoid future muck-ups. And yes I get it, busy, kid sick, I have similar except my DH is also long term sick 🤢, but my diary is bang full of reminders, I even have an alarm to fetch my DC in case I get distracted. I can still forget stuff, and at the weekend I confused the time of a party, but that's not affecting anyone else, and my reflection was to check the time at the start of the day.

Not a devotee of astrology but if friend is a Scorpio star sign, this may be the end of the friendship ime.

When your child is really ill with a chest infection, it would be very easy for anything else to go out the window. The friend though rightly annoyed at it should either forgive or end the friendship. Giving silent treatment as punishment is childish and petty

Blimey. If I had a big hospital appointment that a friend was taking me to, I would be texting the night before to confirm plans. I think she needs to take some responsibility for this herself. A few days before an appointment is enough time to get distracted, especially if your kid is poorly.

Maybe I’m surrounded by forgetful people but I would definitely have reminded you! Still I can understand why she’s upset as it was obviously a big deal for her but I’d be pretty pissed off to get the silent treatment.

Now you’ve apologised, I’d leave her to it for the time being.

I’m sorry you’re getting so much heat . You forgot and that’s crap and hurtful to her but bloody hell you’re just a human and I really don’t understand why people are piling in on you. Stonewalling you is weird- she’s a grown up- she could just reply and say just give me some time. It’s so weird to completely ignore someone for so long. Assuming you’re normally a reliable and constant friend which is sounds like you are she should absolutely forgive you. Just because she’s single it doesn’t mean you are responsible for her. What is she like as a friend to you? It’s shit you forgot but if you are great friends that hopefully she will see that you are allowed to slip up. You weren’t on a spa , you were with your family and as I get older my headspace is definitely more limited and certain things just don’t go in!

It's funny how almost everyone suddenly skips the part of a sick child to blaming the OP and shaming her for not prioritising her dear friend over her child.
Same set of people that will come and crucify her as irresponsible if she overlooked her child as "will be fine" and things got out of hands later.

A sick child can definitely make you lose your mind, especially something like chest infection, you'll be disoriented. I've forgotten appointments I made for myself because I had an unwell child.

The friend is allowed to be angry, OP is also allowed not to lose her peace over an adult that has refused to accept that people are fallible, point is, "is she sorry genuinely"?
She's not her husband or mother, why hold her to such unforgivable standards? OP has more things on her mind, she's bound to forget things. And who doesn't slip?

Send flowers and chocolate at the very least. Follow up with a lunch invitation somewhere nice.

Did she remind you the day or night before? If I was asking someone to take me I would check in before to make sure you were still ok to take me. It s a nice thing you were doing it’s the least she could do if it’s half term and she knows you don’t have a village to help you either.

Your child was sick. It probably would be different if you'd remember and called to say you can't make it, but you had a good reason to forgot et even that. Child comes first. Unapologetically. And she is an ass if she doesn't understand that!

She isn't punishing you with silence she's get her own head sorted out. Stop gaslighting her and do what you say, own the issue.

Send her an apology card and stop saying she's making you feel guilty. You should feel guilty. However, you had a reasonable excuse not to take her, but you forgot. You are human it is forgiveable, go get her forgiveness.

Also, send her the money for her taxis/uber and arrange to meet her for whatever you normally do together - coffee/cake etc and pay for hers.

has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible

Come on OP. This is on you, it’s 100% your fault, and you’re trying to turn it around so that she is in some way in the wrong? You really need to stop twisting it like that.

You’re to blame, you should feel guilty, own it. And unless you’ve got a time machine you can’t put it right. You just need to wait and see if she’ll forgive you. And never ever let her down again.

A colposcopy needs no prep, no sedation and you just walk away afterwards without any need for anyone to look after you .
However, there is the distinct possibility you might burst into tears as I did at mine
She would have appreciated you being there and you forgot 😔
I think I’d be upset too if I were her but I don’t use the silent treatment and I don’t sulk .

i think the crux of this is for your friend it seems really painful that you would forget something so very worrying and crucially important to her at a time of great stress. I does seem a bit odd that you would forget something that you had discussed at length several times or that you wouldnt write it down or set a reminder.
Having said that you did forget and have apologised and she has attended her colposcopy appt.
With time she may process this and come to the conclusion that you genuinely forgot with no malicious intent.
Honestly though i doubt she will ever trust you again.

I’m sorry but really you haven’t just let her down for what is something like a dental appointment, I’ve had a colonoscopy and by god, the most worst experience of it all is having to drink the drinks to flush you out. Not only would she have been alone while going through that, she would have been up all night.
did you not once enquire how she was the night before? This in itself would have reminded you. I can fully understand why she’s being how she is.
she now has to reschedule what is in all honesty a most horrific experience if only down to the night before.