To be upset that young women feel they have to mutilate themselves like this

[LandOfFruitAndNut]

For context ‘young’ in my book is anyone under 35. I am in my 50’s. Very much old crone territory and thankfully no amount of procedures could improve my bog standard appearance. Thankfully as I am over 50 I really couldn’t give a toss.

So - AIBU to think that any level of plastic surgery is unnecessary except for medical reasons and to be particularly upset that young women think they need it?

Young people are beautiful. Full stop. They are young, have fresh skin, bouncy hair and ooze youth. Why does society tell them that making their bottom extra round or their lips extra puffy will improve their lives immeasurably?

Because it is society. I don’t buy the ‘doing it for themselves’ for one minute. If it was just for them they wouldn’t be posting images of the new improved them over the internet usually with the support of some down lighting and a smoothing filter or two.

Is this yet another issue we can lay at the feet of the patriarchy or is the concept of beauty so skewed anyway that I should stop getting so exercised about it and go back to my knitting?(societal stereotype of 50 something woman for dramatic effect. I prefer decoupage)

'Unkempt' is sometimes a look that is deliberate and curated especially if you are young and into certain music. When I was a young teen in the nineties our group of friends (boys and girls) was about skateboarding and the corresponding look in clothes and hairstyles (boys with floppy hair) probably fitted the dishevelled look. I found it to be the same at uni- there were people that dressed up to go out but it was rarer and they certainly weren't the attractive ones for doing that.

At the age of 50 something I am
more comfortable in my skin than I ever have been. I prioritise exercise, sleep, my friends and family and I no longer hugely concerned with how I look. As long as I am clean, smell ok and don’t have spinach in my teeth that is good.

What I wish for our young people is this feeling of being comfortable with who you are. Obvs it is not going to happen.

I think young people have always been self critical about their looks but if you look at the statistics there are 75% of UK women that haven't had any cosmetic treatments either surgical or non so it's going to be even a smaller percentage that have done this and it will be a specific set of young people, tribal almost, influenced by American culture as it is not born out with the young people that I or many of us know and the stats don't back that up.

I'd rather that than have to read posts trying to hammer home how worthless and invisible older women are. Arguing with women that feel positive about their appearance and visibility, telling them they're kidding themselves, that you know better, that society thinks they're valueless, seems rather arrogant and spiteful to me.
Which I guess it in the spirit of the thread at least.

The irony of wrestling with one’s emotional response to the face in the mirror while decrying that others may have the same emotional response, albeit for different reasons.

We use plenty of poisonous substances that are safe in moderate amounts. I dare say there are some filler ingredients in that collagen the pp is using that would not be good in large quantities.

I don’t have Botox myself but I’m not overly invested in those who do, whatever their age.

And perhaps when they are 50 they will have it too. I have to say you seem much older than 50, maybe why you are finding it hard to remember the insecurities of being young.

We live in a patriarchy. It's not good. But it's our social structure. Yes, it's bullshit.

But I'm not sure surgery, injecting poison and constant tweakments are a feminist alternative to being resigned to the social structure either.

What does it matter what people do to themselves, most (not all) of what young people do don't have long term health issues.

Very few have Bum lifts etc, which can be dangerous but most of it is make up, fillers etc.

Its their lives & nothing to do with anyone else, outside of their immediate family circle.

I wasn't talking about patriarchy or coming from a feminist angle in my quoted comment. Just the straightforward human angle of what would motivate a person to insist to another they had less worth than they think.
Its like those threads where some charmer pops up to tell an overweight woman who is happy with herself that she's deluded because fat people always look awful and society hates them. Spiteful comments aimed at making people feel bad.

@5128gap OK. Macro / micro approach. You do you. Fair enough.

I'm in my mid 30s, I wish I had bouncy hair and fresh skin. I lose alot of my hair when brushing, I have bald ish patches around my scalp. My skin is far from fresh, I have breakouts when stressed and run down 😔

But you are saying ugly women are treated differently. So you have an opinion on how women look too! Lip fillers make women look far far more ugly in my opinion, whatever their age.

Get your thyroid checked if you haven’t already done so.

I am 55, love my wrinkles and genuinely feel better about my looks than when I was 35. I love fashion, am slim and healthy and think I look pretty damn good ;-) I am not invisible! And am surrounded by people who value me, at work and at home 🤷🏼‍♀️ You can’t stereotype.

I agree.

I don’t agree with your original post. I had plastic surgery after huge weight loss & it was mostly for vanity however, I was doing it for myself. I was quite unhappy & uncomfortable with the way I looked. Granted, I don’t fit into your ‘young’ age category but there are hundreds of women under 30 who do it for the same reasons as I did.

I am 54. Yesterday, I went to the pub with my book group, and we also played board games. Men and women of all ages from 25 up. I am possibly the second oldest there. Had a great time.

People are still interested in what I have to say. Are the young men attracted to me? No. Are the women thinking " I want to look like her?" Possibly not.

But do they still value my company and thoughts? Yes. Am I invisible? No. And I am not in the least well kept!

I am not downplaying ageism in our society. But to tell women that all their value lies in being wrinkle free, pouty lipped, taut bodied so as to keep their " value": I am not having it!

I’m not sure you actually read my post. My thesis is that youth is beauty enough and why are the young under the misapprehension that they need to ‘improve’ upon it with unnecessary surgery.

I make no judgement on anyone older undergoing surgery even though it is not for me.

What's the data that supports this though? I would imagine it's a very specific group of young people where that look is something they are keen on.

I agree.

Also, I must live in a parallel universe as where I am there are still many Mums (and Dads) at junior school gates that are 50+ they definitely aren't invisible, in fact I'm mid 40s and my eldest DC is an adult, they always suggest I was a young Mum even though I was late 20s when I had DC. In our 40s all our friends have loads of influence via jobs but socially still going out still getting married, hen parties, new relationships they are definitely not invisible because they are over 35 and not young! This doesn't suddenly stop for people in their 50s as far as I can see where I live and my Mum in her 70s is still asked out on dates. What's all this invisible nonsense!

The research seems to indicate that there is a rise in invasive and non invasive techniques.
(should be an image with this post)

Even if where you live it is true, you are helping to perpetuate outdated-1950's of women being invisible over 50.

Yanbu especially only in their 20’s. I do understand why certain people feel the need to prevent natural aging eg in the entertainment industry, work definitely reduces once wrinkles appear but doesn’t mean I like it. I’m a similar age to op and never have had treatments

My mum is 80 and long widowed. She has an incredible social life with much younger friends. Because she is fun, non-moany, kind and has wide and varied interests. Also slim and healthy for her age, so can keep up with 50- yr- olds. She is a great role model for my 24-yr-old DD.
I know this is a segue from the OPs point, but by god we need to tell the youth that beauty is fleeting, but being interesting and interested lasts for ever.

@Goldenbear in what way?
Being pro natural youthfulness does not imply being anti anything else.

Jokingly referring to my 50+ self as a crone doesn’t destroy the wellbeing of anyone else. I do it because age strips you of a youthful glow but gives you self confidence and the ability to be self deprecating in return.

People are amazing in all their forms. I just wish that young women could see what they have. In reality I actually know that twas ever thus and won’t change.

But ‘AIBU to think that people are people’ isn’t such an interesting discussion. IMO anyway.