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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hid betting windfall

951 replies

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:39

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 18:10

Op. Please remember that his first thought was to buy you a takeaway - and he spent more than 500 quid in an afternoon. I would be interested to know what his relationship with alcohol is like. You said that one of his mates you really don't care for is a drinking buddy

I'm also concerned about your comments that you slept with him for the first time since Christmas after a bottle of wine

I'll caveat that by saying that he's your husband and you can sleep with him after wine or not - but you absolutely do not blow 500 pounds in one afternoon on an expensive curry and a piss up - he's lying to you about something and you deserve to know what that is

There must be other things that you aren't happy about -the signs are there

Original poster
Sarahji · 28/02/2026 18:14

Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.

OP posts:
ShortColdandGrey · 28/02/2026 18:25

Bloody hell you sound like a complete trumpet. If you want to believe his pish on you go. He now knows he can get away with murder because you will believe anything he says. He also has arsehole mates that will back him up to help him get away with it.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 18:28

No one is begrudging you a glass of wine. You're the person that started the thread. He's treated you like shite basically. Lied to you. Walked out on you. Couldn't even be arsed to tell you where he was? Your friends husband actually prioritised her and the kids when he won that money

Threats to divorce you and he walks in with a bag of presents and you have sex and all is OK again?

Making things up to you should have been more than about sex. It should have been respecting you enough to tell you where he went that Saturday - not lying to you - and not walking out on you when you wanted answers

I think it's also concerning that he spent 500 pounds in an afternoon and can't even be bothered to tell you what he spent it on

No amount of good sex is going to make up for this poor treatment of you - you deserve better. I hope you realise that in time

Freysimo · 28/02/2026 18:41

O P, you will be back on here in six months: "How could I have been so stupid?" One born every minute.

Moonnstarz · 28/02/2026 18:56

I think this now makes this whole thread seem like it wasn't genuine....perhaps this was also fun to come up with. Bit of a rubbish ending though if they all lived happily ever after.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 28/02/2026 18:57

'Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.'

Na, you're winding us up now or there was a very large pair of rose tinted glasses alongside these gifts.

You KNOW none of this adds up...

gamerchick · 28/02/2026 18:59

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 18:14

Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.

That's alright and it's fine that you want to put it behind you.

However, you still don't know where he's been. He's made flippant remarks about prostitites. Prostitites shouldn't even be on his radar.

I just hope you're using condoms to protect yourself at least.

IDontHateRainbows · 28/02/2026 19:15

I mean, it sounds like a crock of shit but by all means believe him if its easier not to.
I wish I found it so easy to be so gullible...

WonderingAndOverthinking · 28/02/2026 19:17

Let’s not forget that he walked out on his kids and then only came home because “his mate couldn’t host him this weekend” 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

Lmnop22 · 28/02/2026 19:27

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 09:02

He got home and had a bag full of gifts. Stuff for the kids, a perfume he knows I like and also some flowers. He wasn’t at his Dad’s, but was sorting this out after work.

He apologised and said he wanted to be honest with me. The money had gone to a friend having issues financially- both DH and another friend gave him £300 each to cover a payment due.

That friend has now paid half of it back which is what DH used to cover the gifts.

He said he was sworn to secrecy hence his behaviour as it was eating him up having to keep this from me and he eventually told his friend he could keep quiet no more as his marriage is the most important thing to him.

I must say I’m still a bit perplexed but we ended up having a lovely evening together and felt closer than we’ve been for a long time (were even intimate for the first time since Christmas, the bottle of wine probably wasn’t a great idea!)

Thanks everyone for helping me navigate this.

His marriage wasn’t the most important thing when he LITERALLY LEFT YOU a couple of days ago and gaslit you into thinking it was because of controlling behaviour on your part and then went out with friends and got rat arsed…

MsSomebodyNow · 28/02/2026 19:29

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 18:14

Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.

Just wow 😮 that was some plot twist op. Was any of it true 🤷‍♀️🤔

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 19:30

What a win for thus man.

Got away with doing God knows what.
Got a green light to do it again in the future as long as he comes home with a few gifts.
And even got sex at the end of the night!

He must feel pretty chuffed with himself.

changeme4this · 28/02/2026 20:03

Is it possible DH was the one owing money and the friend who has written the messages is helping his mate (your DH) out here as everyone knows it’s gone too far ?

anyhow this is your life. I know after this you will keep your eyes and ears open.

i hope your DH realises how close he has come to losing you… wishing you all the very best x

somanychristmaslights · 28/02/2026 20:10

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 18:14

Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.

We’re not all as gullible as you

dementedmummy · 28/02/2026 20:11

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 18:14

Come on ladies, surely you can’t begrudge a busy mum a bit of fun on a Friday night after a glass or two of vino! And to be fair to hubby, he knew he had to make things up for me and I was still smiling this morning. Life is short at the end of the day, and no marriage is perfect. Actions will speak louder than words now for sure.

Glad you are happy but question though - didn't you find out about the money because a friend's wife said she was being taken away after the win? So is she married to the person who needed the money? And if so, why is said person borrowing from pals including your husband to do so? And if that is correct, why such a song and dance from your husband about taking the cash out AND pretending he had won money? Why not just come clean? Why move out? Unless you can see those messages between them pre dating the night out and your husband chasing payment after the event I'm afraid you are being led up a garden path. Best of luck

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:21

dementedmummy · 28/02/2026 20:11

Glad you are happy but question though - didn't you find out about the money because a friend's wife said she was being taken away after the win? So is she married to the person who needed the money? And if so, why is said person borrowing from pals including your husband to do so? And if that is correct, why such a song and dance from your husband about taking the cash out AND pretending he had won money? Why not just come clean? Why move out? Unless you can see those messages between them pre dating the night out and your husband chasing payment after the event I'm afraid you are being led up a garden path. Best of luck

Show quote history

She didn't say it was the same person. Just a friend

DurinsBane · 28/02/2026 20:22

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 18:10

Op. Please remember that his first thought was to buy you a takeaway - and he spent more than 500 quid in an afternoon. I would be interested to know what his relationship with alcohol is like. You said that one of his mates you really don't care for is a drinking buddy

I'm also concerned about your comments that you slept with him for the first time since Christmas after a bottle of wine

I'll caveat that by saying that he's your husband and you can sleep with him after wine or not - but you absolutely do not blow 500 pounds in one afternoon on an expensive curry and a piss up - he's lying to you about something and you deserve to know what that is

There must be other things that you aren't happy about -the signs are there

He leant the majority it to a friend, OP said a couple of posts ago that he finally told her that

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:31

DurinsBane · 28/02/2026 20:22

He leant the majority it to a friend, OP said a couple of posts ago that he finally told her that

Show quote history

I don't believe that for one second. He spent 500 quid the day he won the money and now he's saying the other 300 went to a pal. He was saying something different last weekend

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 20:47

changeme4this · 28/02/2026 20:03

Is it possible DH was the one owing money and the friend who has written the messages is helping his mate (your DH) out here as everyone knows it’s gone too far ?

anyhow this is your life. I know after this you will keep your eyes and ears open.

i hope your DH realises how close he has come to losing you… wishing you all the very best x

He was nowhere near to losing her. All he had to do was turn up with a bag of presents and a bottle of wine and all was forgiven

OP. Your kids are growing up with a man who thinks it's appropriate to say he might as well have gone with a brass and is mates with someone who talks about women's fart boxes - I really hope as your kids grow up he reigns in his views and distances himself from the worst of his mates

MsSomebodyNow · 28/02/2026 20:47

dementedmummy · 28/02/2026 20:11

Glad you are happy but question though - didn't you find out about the money because a friend's wife said she was being taken away after the win? So is she married to the person who needed the money? And if so, why is said person borrowing from pals including your husband to do so? And if that is correct, why such a song and dance from your husband about taking the cash out AND pretending he had won money? Why not just come clean? Why move out? Unless you can see those messages between them pre dating the night out and your husband chasing payment after the event I'm afraid you are being led up a garden path. Best of luck

Show quote history

Plus the BS about being at the non existent casino. Whether he got home at midnight or not (has his friend messaged op) still doesn’t explain where he was. And I doubt he’s told her, irrespective of the ‘loan story bs’ 🙄

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 22:05

I can't actually get my head around how a shag solves all of this shit show. You had a smile on your face this morning? How does that make up for his shite behaviour?

Sugargliderwombat · 28/02/2026 22:24

Oh my... And it's just all forgotten that he was such a prick about it?

MsSomebodyNow · 28/02/2026 22:55

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 22:05

I can't actually get my head around how a shag solves all of this shit show. You had a smile on your face this morning? How does that make up for his shite behaviour?

He must have literally fkd her brains out so she lost all memory 😵‍💫
Apologies, I’m being facetious, but I genuinely don’t understand how a bottle of perfume, some wine and a shag makes this all ok. I personally couldn’t have let him touch me after what he’d said 🤮
And a bottle of perfume would in no way make up for the family break you originally wanted.
Does he generally spoil you with gifts and a good shag that leaves you smiling the next day? Or just when he’s fkd up 🤷‍♀️

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 23:09

MsSomebodyNow · 28/02/2026 22:55

He must have literally fkd her brains out so she lost all memory 😵‍💫
Apologies, I’m being facetious, but I genuinely don’t understand how a bottle of perfume, some wine and a shag makes this all ok. I personally couldn’t have let him touch me after what he’d said 🤮
And a bottle of perfume would in no way make up for the family break you originally wanted.
Does he generally spoil you with gifts and a good shag that leaves you smiling the next day? Or just when he’s fkd up 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

This! How could you let someone near you after they fucked off and left you for two nights. Said they might as well have well got a brass. Lied on repeat

Wanted a divorce. Urgh.

He's going to repeat this because there's been no consequences for his rotten behaviour

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