Page 36 | DH hid betting windfall

Sarahji · 2026-02-21T17:39:12+00:00

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each. I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal. She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on. I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself. He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it. I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too. AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 11:36

FYI there are apps to fake messages.

HK04 · 28/02/2026 11:38

ThejoyofNC · 28/02/2026 11:36

FYI there are apps to fake messages.

I wish there was an App to do the housework 🧹 FS

GottaBeStrong · 28/02/2026 11:40

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 11:11

The fact that he even thought it was OK to initiate sex with you after treating you like crap for days doesn't make this better

And now that you've had the bottle of wine and sex - you can't question him on his lies - because everything is back to normal

Whether you realise you've done this or not you've given him the message that the way he's treated you is Ok. And it's not OK.

This!

Read about lovebombing AKA the gifts. The wine is to try and alter your mood and make you more vulnerable to coercion and accepting his BS story.

None of his story adds up. Why would the friend even swear him to secrecy knowing he was in a marriage with shared finances. What could be tha top secret about you knowing? Also, the sums don't add up. If what be said was true, then there would have been money left for the away break.

As it is, you didn't get to go away, have been treated horribly to the point of him storming off threatening divorce, and then he buys a load of gifts that you don't even need. If things are tight enough you can't afford to go away like you wanted to, he should have saved the money for the next holiday period so you can.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 11:41

MRSRUDEBOX · 28/02/2026 11:27

Why would the friend need to borrow 600 pound when he too had won 800 from the bet, or whatever it was.

I smell BS.

He's lied by omission, lied about his whereabouts, was unkind about the partner who revealed she'd been on a break.
Then he's stomped off for several days, allowed a friend to send inappropriate texts.
Decides he's coming back, bearing gifts and now all is hunky dory? Wow.

This must have been a friend that was too poor to go on the boys day out and who suddenly just needed 600 pounds (as you do).

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 11:46

GottaBeStrong · 28/02/2026 11:40

This!

Read about lovebombing AKA the gifts. The wine is to try and alter your mood and make you more vulnerable to coercion and accepting his BS story.

None of his story adds up. Why would the friend even swear him to secrecy knowing he was in a marriage with shared finances. What could be tha top secret about you knowing? Also, the sums don't add up. If what be said was true, then there would have been money left for the away break.

As it is, you didn't get to go away, have been treated horribly to the point of him storming off threatening divorce, and then he buys a load of gifts that you don't even need. If things are tight enough you can't afford to go away like you wanted to, he should have saved the money for the next holiday period so you can.

Edited

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The mate got prioritised over the wife and kids. He got 300 quid and she got the offer of a takeaway. It doesn't matter if he's turned up with a bottle of wine and a bottle of perfume

He spent 500 quid on that day and gave 300 quid to a pal..

That's not the story he gave in the beginning. He said he didn't want her to know about any of the winnings incase he had to spend it on his family

Needspaceforlego · 28/02/2026 11:49

It could well be he is gambling a whole lot more than he's saying.
Hes the one with the debt.

But I do think its worth trying to work things out. MN people are often quick to say LTB without thinking actually this might be worth trying to make it work.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 11:50

GottaBeStrong · 28/02/2026 11:40

This!

Read about lovebombing AKA the gifts. The wine is to try and alter your mood and make you more vulnerable to coercion and accepting his BS story.

None of his story adds up. Why would the friend even swear him to secrecy knowing he was in a marriage with shared finances. What could be tha top secret about you knowing? Also, the sums don't add up. If what be said was true, then there would have been money left for the away break.

As it is, you didn't get to go away, have been treated horribly to the point of him storming off threatening divorce, and then he buys a load of gifts that you don't even need. If things are tight enough you can't afford to go away like you wanted to, he should have saved the money for the next holiday period so you can.

Edited

Show quote history

The sums don't add up. He won 800 quid. Gave 300 to a mate. He could have bought gifts for the family last week. Why didn't he? Why all the secrecy and the fuss over a bet?

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 11:52

Needspaceforlego · 28/02/2026 11:49

It could well be he is gambling a whole lot more than he's saying.
Hes the one with the debt.

But I do think its worth trying to work things out. MN people are often quick to say LTB without thinking actually this might be worth trying to make it work.

There's something else going on but I think it's too late for the OP to find out what. As far as he's concerned it's all smoothed over. She's accepted his explanation and that's that

gamerchick · 28/02/2026 11:54

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 09:02

He got home and had a bag full of gifts. Stuff for the kids, a perfume he knows I like and also some flowers. He wasn’t at his Dad’s, but was sorting this out after work.

He apologised and said he wanted to be honest with me. The money had gone to a friend having issues financially- both DH and another friend gave him £300 each to cover a payment due.

That friend has now paid half of it back which is what DH used to cover the gifts.

He said he was sworn to secrecy hence his behaviour as it was eating him up having to keep this from me and he eventually told his friend he could keep quiet no more as his marriage is the most important thing to him.

I must say I’m still a bit perplexed but we ended up having a lovely evening together and felt closer than we’ve been for a long time (were even intimate for the first time since Christmas, the bottle of wine probably wasn’t a great idea!)

Thanks everyone for helping me navigate this.

Fucking hell and you fell for it?

Oh dear. Well good luck.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 12:07

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:47

Sorry it would have helped if I said the amount. It was over £800. He used/uses his own money for this.

They had a pre arranged day out on the train last Saturday which turned into a ‘celebratory piss up’ in his words and so some of the money was spent on that and a fancy curry as a ‘treat’ with the winnings.

He says he has a few hundred left which he hasn’t decided what to do with yet , but said we can get a takeaway with some of it tonight (something we do most Saturday’s anyway!)

This is the post that shows your husband is a liar

You say that he said that he had a few hundred quid left and didn't know what to do with it

That was a week ago

No mention of a mate needing a loan of cash

MummyJ36 · 28/02/2026 12:24

This still feels very fishy…

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 12:35

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 09:02

He got home and had a bag full of gifts. Stuff for the kids, a perfume he knows I like and also some flowers. He wasn’t at his Dad’s, but was sorting this out after work.

He apologised and said he wanted to be honest with me. The money had gone to a friend having issues financially- both DH and another friend gave him £300 each to cover a payment due.

That friend has now paid half of it back which is what DH used to cover the gifts.

He said he was sworn to secrecy hence his behaviour as it was eating him up having to keep this from me and he eventually told his friend he could keep quiet no more as his marriage is the most important thing to him.

I must say I’m still a bit perplexed but we ended up having a lovely evening together and felt closer than we’ve been for a long time (were even intimate for the first time since Christmas, the bottle of wine probably wasn’t a great idea!)

Thanks everyone for helping me navigate this.

But none of this was the original issue. He didn't tell you about his winnings. He's spent 500 pounds in a day - he refused to tell you what on or where he went

Is he trying to tell you that the only money he had to buy you and the kids gifts was from the 150 quid he got back from his mate?

Why didn't he buy you the gifts before his mate asked for a loan? He had plenty of time to do so after he won the money

If you and the kids were the most important thing in this entire scenario he would have said no when the mate asked for cash. Particularly as there were a group of men who won 800 quid each - very convenient that he had 300 pounds left over and that's the sum he gave to his friend.

He didn't prioritise you. Your mate got a holiday and you got wine and perfume after he threatened you with divorce - and walked out on you for two nights

outerspacepotato · 28/02/2026 12:45

He told you he wanted a divorce and left you for a couple nights, then came back and changed his story and love bombed you.

Naw. I'm not buying his new story at all.

Plus, what a misogynistic asshole he was about the woman that told you. Telling you he's going to tell her husband to rein her in. She doesn't have to keep secrets for controlling, misogynist asshats.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 13:05

You've got absolutely no proof that he gave his mate 300 quid. Texts saying so mean zero - and even if he had. Why would he need to stomp off for two nights. Why not just say I gave my mate a loan and I'll have the money back next weekend

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/02/2026 13:25

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 09:10

He’s shown me messages with the friend in question discussing the repayment so it definitely adds up.

Show quote history

And these were dated before you asked him?

they won £800 and imm thought I just need to loan £300 to my friend

I think you would be a fool to believe this

L4ura171986 · 28/02/2026 13:34

I can not believe you were “intimate” after he came back and after he said all those vile
things about his friends wife and the way he spoke to you being threatening and demanding. I guess all it takes is a bottle wine and a bottle of perfume. Like others have said to you -
he is playing you and you’re a total mug.

YourHeartyFatball · 28/02/2026 13:49

Oh OP. Regardless of what you decide to do, if I were you I’d be booking myself an appointment at a sexual health clinic.

Good luck with him. He sounds like a loser.

Dimpledaisies · 28/02/2026 13:51

What a load of crap 😅

Good luck with him ... you will certainly need it!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 28/02/2026 14:02

Sarahji · 28/02/2026 09:02

He got home and had a bag full of gifts. Stuff for the kids, a perfume he knows I like and also some flowers. He wasn’t at his Dad’s, but was sorting this out after work.

He apologised and said he wanted to be honest with me. The money had gone to a friend having issues financially- both DH and another friend gave him £300 each to cover a payment due.

That friend has now paid half of it back which is what DH used to cover the gifts.

He said he was sworn to secrecy hence his behaviour as it was eating him up having to keep this from me and he eventually told his friend he could keep quiet no more as his marriage is the most important thing to him.

I must say I’m still a bit perplexed but we ended up having a lovely evening together and felt closer than we’ve been for a long time (were even intimate for the first time since Christmas, the bottle of wine probably wasn’t a great idea!)

Thanks everyone for helping me navigate this.

Sorry but you are an absolute FOOL if you believe this.

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 14:17

He actually spent the night with a mate telling him his version of what happened and handed over his phone to him so he could text you texts saying you were making too much of it because he didn't have his tongue up some randomers "fart box" - so basically it's ok to treat your wife like shite because you haven't shagged someone else?

And the next night he comes home with flowers and wine and presents and you sleep with him and you are closer than you have been in ages?

Where's your anger for the way he's treated you and the kids?

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 14:23

How would he feel if you went out on the sauce with a group of girlfriends. Won 800 quid that you didn't tell him about. Lied about it Gave 300 to a mate and then stropped off for two days refusing to tell him where you were threatening to divorce him and leaving him with the kids?

Do you think he would welcome you with open arms if you came through the front door with gifts?

WonderingAndOverthinking · 28/02/2026 15:04

He has treated you appallingly and got away with it.

Unfortunately, I think OP will be back here in the future with more problems.

Bittersweetsymphony1 · 28/02/2026 16:05

I 100% understand why you’re clinging to this story with both hands, and you’re relieved that it’s now all ‘back to normal’. He has played you like a fiddle in my opinion. What a massive overreaction on his part to leave for days and say he wants a divorce, rather than tell you he lent a friend the money. None of this adds up. It’s not easy to just leave when you have a whole life together. But please be careful op, I’m betting there are lots of other things he’s keeping from you. And his behaviour this time has had zero consequences. All you’ve taught him is that you’ll accept this treatment. Good luck, you’re going to need it.

MsSomebodyNow · 28/02/2026 16:17

Well I hope I’m as good at predicting tonight’s winning lottery numbers as I was at this outcome 🫤

OP, everyone chooses their own path, and does what they believe at the time what is right for them. I’ve been there, Christ I had so many t-shirts, I could have opened a bloody store selling them myself 😵‍💫

Now unless there’s a huge backstory and everything isn’t as rosy in the marriage. And you’ve just given us ‘highlights’ of what your dh has done once in the whole marriage, but you’re not miss innocent, maybe I could get why you’d be so quick to forgive and forget 🤷‍♀️

However, the one thing that really did stand out to me was his comment ‘looking forward to putting all this behind us’. That to me sounds quite eerie after everything he had said and done. It sounds like he’s ‘putting you in your place’ and feels to me like this is not a one off by any stretch of the imagination in the way he’s treated you. I could be completely wrong, only you know what goes on in your marriage. But if it’s not the first time, I’m sure we’ll be seeing you around MN again soon 😔
take care and good luck x

scottishgirl69 · 28/02/2026 16:20

Bittersweetsymphony1 · 28/02/2026 16:05

I 100% understand why you’re clinging to this story with both hands, and you’re relieved that it’s now all ‘back to normal’. He has played you like a fiddle in my opinion. What a massive overreaction on his part to leave for days and say he wants a divorce, rather than tell you he lent a friend the money. None of this adds up. It’s not easy to just leave when you have a whole life together. But please be careful op, I’m betting there are lots of other things he’s keeping from you. And his behaviour this time has had zero consequences. All you’ve taught him is that you’ll accept this treatment. Good luck, you’re going to need it.

I'm personally struggling to believe he lent his friend money

A week ago he was deciding what to do with the other 300 pounds. A week later after he's gone off in a strop he's saying that he lent his mate money

What's that got to do with the fact that he didn't tell her where he was that day or couldn't be bothered to tell her that he had won money in the first place - it's just bullshit