DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

None of this also explains the story about going to a casino that's closed down. Op. You really do need to consider that he could be lying to you and his friends are covering for him

It’s a really crappy excuse.

What date are the messages?

Absolutely this!
He lies, storms off, says he wants a divorce and doesn’t tell you where he is but you believe his every word just because he comes strolling in with some gifts? Oh and he got a nice shag out of it too.
I do hope this is made up.

If his marriage was the most important thing to him. He wouldn't have walked out on you and refused to tell you where he was - and he wouldn't have threatened to divorce you over a 300 pound loan to a friend. Neither would he have made comments about might as well have a got a brass. Nor would he have allowed his drunk mate to text you the "fart box" texts

Actions speak louder than words

@Sarahji that’s a wonderful update and I do hope it’s the truth. As others have said, though, his behaviour was completely out of proportion to what was actually going on and you asking questions - not to mention his language that seems to reflect very unpleasant views on women. You know your husband and marriage better than us randoms from Mumsnet but it feels to me like there’s still things you should be addressing.

Wishing you the best x

“Sworn to secrecy” even when that secret threatened his marriage?

And he’s the one who threatened a divorce. All to keep his friend’s secret?

You’ve been played OP. I’m sorry, but your husband sounds like a manipulative and selfish piece of work

Please still check with a solicitor your rights for your DC’s sake as well as your own.
Good luck for the future.

Walked out on his kids for two days too and they had to be lied to and be told he was on a work trip

Personally - the fact that he decided to spend the night on the sauce with his horrible single mate rather than come home would have been the last straw

His story has got more holes in it than a block of Swiss cheese

Wow! Looks like the cat got the cream here op, sorry but it doesn't add up , he could of explained all this to you but choose not to only you found out via friend about the win,
When confronted left the home threading divorce and wouldn't say were her was going,
He's done a good job on you op, now you know, never question him,
Wish you well op , but I think you know for sure he has done a number on you 💐

And who did his friend owe 600 pounds to. Owed 600 pounds on a payment? A payment to what?

@Sarahji you also never answered my question about who owns the house. You need your name on the deeds / mortgage, although being married does give you protection over such assets.

Because needed time to make up this half-arsed story? Sorry OP, as you are now becoming aware, your husband is a liar, it’s not a nice feeling, but you can’t afford to bury your head in the sand.

If a friend really did need a loan of cash - why would people need to be sworn to secrecy. The thing that strikes me from your post is your comment that you felt closer than you have in a long time

So basically he stomps out of the house. Threatens divorce. Won't tell you where he's gone. Spends a drunken evening with his pal who texts you going on about fart boxes

And as soon as he tells you he gave a pal 300 quid - all is OK?

He's a married man with kids. He shouldn't have been sitting drinking with that mate. He should have been at home with you and the children

Presents to make up for shite behaviour is as manipulative as it gets

I know you really want to believe him but if a friend was in this situation what would you tell them?

It really doesn’t make any sense OP. If his marriage was the most important thing to him why would he threaten divorce and storm off for several days?

The story about secretly lending money (to a friend who paid it back at lightning speed) doesn’t explain why the wife of another friend was cagey when you spoke to her originally.

I've misread here. So your husband lent his pal 300 quid and he got half back - and your husband went out and bought you gifts from the half that he paid back. But he won 800 pounds and withdrew 500 of it the day him and his mates went out. If he really wanted to treat you and the kids. He had the money to do so previously - your mate got a half term break and you got nothing

He won 800 pounds. This is the same guy who said he didn't want to tell you he won money incase he would need to spend it on you - that was his original position

Pants on fire - he's lying through his teeth.

Quite!
Like I said, I hope this is all fiction.

He's also not been honest and told you where he was the day of the outing with his pals. He told you he was at a casino that's closed.

He might not have done anything awful - but his mates are clearly covering for his lies. Because if he wanted to treat you in the beginning - he would have done it sooner

You still don't know what he spent that 500 quid on either

What about the divorce he thought he wanted !

A bottle of perfume and a bunch of flowers and all is forgiven, and then sex. WOW.

and...the casino that doesn't exist ?

You are married to a liar.

OP, I wish you the best.

There’s none so blind as those who will not see.

He is not telling you the truth. 100%.

The fact that he even thought it was OK to initiate sex with you after treating you like crap for days doesn't make this better

And now that you've had the bottle of wine and sex - you can't question him on his lies - because everything is back to normal

Whether you realise you've done this or not you've given him the message that the way he's treated you is Ok. And it's not OK.

Don't put up with any bullshit, lies, disparaging language, or putting 'friends' before family. 👍
You've made a choice to forgive all of that. Most people probably wouldn't be so forgiving.

Why would the friend need to borrow 600 pound when he too had won 800 from the bet, or whatever it was.

I smell BS.

He's lied by omission, lied about his whereabouts, was unkind about the partner who revealed she'd been on a break.
Then he's stomped off for several days, allowed a friend to send inappropriate texts.
Decides he's coming back, bearing gifts and now all is hunky dory? Wow.

Case closed 🕵️‍♀️. OP do what’s right for you and your marriage. An internet forum can be noisy (and well meaning) but you’ll know him and the situation best. Strangers aren’t always right. If you’re happy that’s all that matters imho. Here’s hoping you get your break now too 😉.