DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

So he's come crawling back with his tail between his legs, that gives you the upper hand OP.

Your husband left you and your children and went on a huge bender with his bellend mate without telling you where he was. There is no care, concern or respect for you or your children. Your husband has FULL responsibility for actively participating in a friendship and sharing details of your marriage with someone who speaks like this to and about women and you know your husband speaks and thinks this way about women too - busy c* that needs reining in? Whilst you have no right (or perhaps want) to stop him returning home because he's told you he has nowhere else to go, you have every right (and perhps responsibility) to make it clear that neither you nor your children deserve to be subjected to this kind of deceit, neglect, misogyny and callousness. You only have this one life - you deserve so much better.

Please see a solicitor so you know your rights as this seems the first of many episodes where he will try to gaslight you.

How does it. He's made it clear it's all to be brushed under the carpet and they carry on as before

I wouldn’t be there when he got there, I’d be staying with family. Or id wait till he gets back and leave on my own, it depends if I trusted him with the dc.

If you are married, the house is a marital asset. It is not just his.Have you registered your rights? If not then it would be sensible to to so , and to get some legal advice.

customerhelp.landregistry.gov.uk/forums/forms/a8ce24c8-6c11-ed11-a81b-6045bd0ea026

He got home and had a bag full of gifts. Stuff for the kids, a perfume he knows I like and also some flowers. He wasn’t at his Dad’s, but was sorting this out after work.

He apologised and said he wanted to be honest with me. The money had gone to a friend having issues financially- both DH and another friend gave him £300 each to cover a payment due.

That friend has now paid half of it back which is what DH used to cover the gifts.

He said he was sworn to secrecy hence his behaviour as it was eating him up having to keep this from me and he eventually told his friend he could keep quiet no more as his marriage is the most important thing to him.

I must say I’m still a bit perplexed but we ended up having a lovely evening together and felt closer than we’ve been for a long time (were even intimate for the first time since Christmas, the bottle of wine probably wasn’t a great idea!)

Thanks everyone for helping me navigate this.

Ask to speak to the friend.

Well played husband! 👏👏 I'm sorry but your acting like an absolute mug. This vile fucker has played you like a fiddle! Worst excuse I've ever heard, and trying to make himself look like a Saint.

I’m very skeptical of this OP, has his story been corroborated by any evidence rather than just his mates?

He’s shown me messages with the friend in question discussing the repayment so it definitely adds up.

Are these messages dated after your falling out?

I'm sceptical but at the same time you probably don't hear about the amount of money he loses or the amount he wins.

I don't think I'd end a marriage over it.

I am not sure I could be so forgiving of his erratic behaviour - his use of language towards women is not something I would easily forget just because he turned up with gifts.

Then he should have told you about it, even if not to whom, though he still could have, there should be no secrets between you.

Aren't there still time away with the boys and questions about where they actually were to answer here?

And what happened to "I can't tell you, I promised a friend that I wouldn't tell anyone, I'm very sorry but I can't. " What happened to telling you about the win instead of letting you find out from another wife?

Instead of which you got vile misogynist victim blaming gaslighting abuse.

I'm sorry but I think you've been sold a pup even if the loan story is true.

OP what’s your marriage like all in all ?
To be honest I don’t believe him , it’s just it doesn’t add up as to how he has behaved 🤷🏻‍♀️.
He lied about casino , where did he spend his time ?
Him loaning money to his friend would have no bearing on him lying about his whereabouts.
I wouldn’t end my marriage, but I think he has his friends covering his back now somehow.
I do hope you sort things , but he’s not telling you the truth .

That’s a great update OP. So glad you both found a way to navigate through. Marriage not easy at times but I don’t think you’re a mug at all. He’s reflected, shown you the evidence and made reparations.
I’m just glad you got there in the end and hope you have an even better relationship herein. Don’t think he will do any of that again. Have a great weekend. x

I don't believe this. He's playing you like a fiddle.

Right. So he lent 300 pounds to someone who was having financial problems - and so did another friend - and they have just managed to repay both your husband and your friend - just after your husband stomped off saying he wanted a divorce?

So he basically went out for a day on the drink and took 300 pounds out of the bank and gave his poor friend it the same day?

Why didn't he just tell you that in the first place?

Here's the thing - even if your husband is telling the truth. Your friend and her kids got a nice half term break. You got the offer of a takeaway - and a bottle of perfume - and two days of stress because of his behaviour..

It's funny that he's gone from threatening divorce to saying that he was helping a friend out with a payment

600 pounds of a payment? Sworn to secrecy? So he was sworn to secrecy but his mate is ok with you knowing about the loan now?

Still doesn't excuse why he didn't tell you about the windfall. Plus. If he lent 300. Where did the other 500 go?

Because he's lying to cover his arse maybe?

What are you going to do? Do you even want him back? His friend sounds absolutely vile. 🤮

They've apparently sorted everything out now. He turned up with gifts and said that he lent money to a mate who swore him to secrecy