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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel insulted.

577 replies

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 14:52

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 21/02/2026 16:17

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:35

Not a typo shed rig and shownoff hen ask for help

I take it you've been drinking to drown your sorrows.

mrsgilfeathers · 21/02/2026 16:17
Happy Lets Go GIF by Holler Studios

I’m sure your sister will be very upset about it…or maybe not!

NoisyViewer · 21/02/2026 16:18

Is this real? If so did you feel no shame whilst writing it

sammylady37 · 21/02/2026 16:18

50 miles?? I lived about 150 miles from my parents and I spent the weekend with them every 3rd or 4th weekend. I often had to drive to them midweek after a days work, stay overnight, and leave very early in the morning again. It was hard, it was exhausting at times, I don’t know how I kept all the plates spinning, but I did. 50 miles is nothing.

harriethoyle · 21/02/2026 16:19

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:28

Because I live about 50 miles so it's been difficult ibfelt pushed out and thought fuck it you deal with her then.

My in laws live 6 hours from us. We see them 2-3 times a month and holiday together. 50 miles is nothing. Stop making excuses.

Netcurtainnelly · 21/02/2026 16:21

Nothing like money to get a family falling out.

thetinsoldier · 21/02/2026 16:21

You are unbelievably cheeky and greedy. You only lived 50 miles from your mum. That’s nothing. And your sister has looked after her for 17 years? Think about that, then take a good hard look at yourself.

Snarchipelago · 21/02/2026 16:23

Absolutely mystified as to why you believe you should have received more (let alone that it should have been a 70/30 split), or why you think your sister was “crowing” when she told you how much she was doing before asking you to help.

For 17 years your sister and her husband had been:
Taking your mum shopping,
Taking your mum to appointments
Taking your mum on holiday with them
Waiting with your mum in A&E when there were emergencies
Helping her to manage her bills,
Helping her to manage repairs in her home
Responding to her care alarm whenever it went off
Caring for your dad when he was dying
Welcoming your mum into their home over Christmas
…and they did all of this while living 20 miles away.

Then they moved her into their house full-time and provided 24hr round-the-clock care.

You did fuck all. You wouldn’t even lift a finger when your sister asked you for help. You didn’t see your mum once in four years, and 50 miles isn’t an excuse.

If your mum had calculated the money she left to you based on the amount of time and care you offered her over the past four years, how much would you have received?
Be happy with your (very generous) £10k and drop it.

StMarie4me · 21/02/2026 16:23

What, realistically, did you think was going to happen?

NoisyViewer · 21/02/2026 16:23

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:17

No not a reverse not saying is hould have 50 per cent but I don't think she should have virally of it.

She doesn’t have all of it. Assuming this 285,000 inheritance is mainly due to the sale of a house. Then your mom was obviously not financially well off. So for 17 years your sister has been out of pocket herself in helping your mom. Petrol, food, housing & taking time to take your mom to and from appointments, having her live with her and then putting her in a home isn’t cheap. Especially whilst living so far away.

Happyher · 21/02/2026 16:23

This a prime example of the need to seek legal advice in legal matters and as early as possible.

ThatKhakiLurker · 21/02/2026 16:24

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:28

Because I live about 50 miles so it's been difficult ibfelt pushed out and thought fuck it you deal with her then.

My mum passed away a week ago. We live 250 miles away and yet I visited her three times since the New Year because I loved her and wanted her to know that I did.
You are a pathetic excuse for a daughter and I'm not sorry to say that you deserve no more than you got. You should be thanking your sister not moaning on here.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 21/02/2026 16:25

What do you think should have been explained to you and who should have paid for the solicitor you think should have done so? What difference would it have made?

You clearly didn’t have a good relationship with your mum and you said you said you couldn’t help when your sister asked. I don’t know how you can really expect to get much at all and £10k isn’t “nothing”. My be if she’d left you a fiver then I could understand you being “insulted” but your sister and her DH looked after your mum and had her live with them, if you’d wanted to step up there might have been a more even split, but you pay your money and make your choice so better get over it.

YouDriveMeCrazyButICanDoThatMyself · 21/02/2026 16:25

WallaceinAnderland · 21/02/2026 15:30

If this thread is genuine then it's the best example of Karma I've seen in a long time 😂

Well done that mum!

Quite!
Op didn’t give a shiny shit about her DM, and never helped or visited, but cares an awful lot about her DMs money.
You reap what you sew I guess.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 21/02/2026 16:26

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:24

She would ring and crow about everything she was having to do and ask for help this is howbI knew.
I'm not saying she didn't take excellence of her she was a fucking difficult person to care for so I said I couldn't help. I just feel that she took her care of her own accord I didn't make her do it !

If she didn't do the care and she needed care the state would have taken over her estate and you'd have been left with nothing. Be grateful you got 10k.

MaggieBsBoat · 21/02/2026 16:26

I live in a different country to my parents but still
manage the flights once a year or so. You’re taking the piss seriously if 50 miles is your excuse. If you didn’t like her then of course that’s fine. I don’t like my parents much but equally I don’t expect much in terms of inheritance. You don’t actually deserve anything. Consider yourself lucky to get 10k. I wouldn’t waste money on a lawyer (I am one so believe me when I say) if her will was done in sound mind then you get nothing more. Sucks to be you.

lazyarse123 · 21/02/2026 16:28

Doesn't sound like crowing to me. Just asking for help and you've admitted you refused and left her to it. Not sure why you think you're entitled to anything.

AfternoonTeaAddict · 21/02/2026 16:30

I live in the UK and my parents live in Australia. I see them 3 times in 18 months.

I don't work any more but i commuted from brighton to London and back every day for work for 8 years. That's 77 miles one way. Daily. for 8 years.

You are a cheeky fucker and I hope your sister and her DH enjoy their freedom after several difficult years and their money.

UnemployedNotRetired · 21/02/2026 16:30

Maybe the OP has already spent "the money"? Mentally at least.

The £10k thing is presumably tactical to show she hadn't forgotten about her!

WearyAuldWumman · 21/02/2026 16:32

I had an aunt who left 70% of her estate to one sibling and that sibling's children. The other 30% went to her other 4 siblings.

One of my cousins felt insulted - he thought that the money should have gone equally 5 ways. The rest of us didn't expect anything - all the caring and help had been done by the one sibling and her children and we'd expected it all to go to them.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 21/02/2026 16:32

I mean, 50 miles…

Sunshineismyfavourite · 21/02/2026 16:33

For 17 years of personal and loving care - I think your sister deserves your Mum's estate. That's your opinion that she would ring you to show off - though I find it hard to believe. And yet you did nothing to help your Mum or your sister - for 17 years? Shame on you OP.

You're lucky to be getting anything.

StressedLP1 · 21/02/2026 16:34

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 21/02/2026 16:26

If she didn't do the care and she needed care the state would have taken over her estate and you'd have been left with nothing. Be grateful you got 10k.

This is the answer.

You’re really lucky to get £10k from what you’ve said.

FlexiSadie · 21/02/2026 16:34

Is this really not rage bait?

ThatCyanCat · 21/02/2026 16:35

Leftoutthewill · 21/02/2026 15:24

She would ring and crow about everything she was having to do and ask for help this is howbI knew.
I'm not saying she didn't take excellence of her she was a fucking difficult person to care for so I said I couldn't help. I just feel that she took her care of her own accord I didn't make her do it !

There's absolutely no point discussing any of this with you until you can understand how fucked up this post is. Perhaps you had reasons not to want to even help care for your mother, but to accuse your sister of "crowing" over it (do you even know what that means?) as you left her with no assistance is honestly the pits, as the Americans would say.

Without your sister, you'd have got nothing at all because it would all have gone on care fees. £10k for worse than fuck all is a pretty sweet deal.

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