AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

She didn’t even do token visits, she didn’t see her for four years.

17 years of care is huge, absolutely huge. If she had been in a residential/nursing home neither of you would have been getting anything. You are getting £10,000 because your sister dedicated 17 years to caring for your mother.

My mother left everything 50/50 to my sister and myself (nowhere near £285,000) and that was totally fair. We shared her care equally. If one of us couldn’t do something the other one did. It was sometimes hard but we could ask each other for help and we got it. Your sister didn’t. I’m not sure you have any reason to be unhappy.

ETA and my sister and I both lived more than 50 miles from Mum.

You sound awful and the way you talk about your mother and sister is horrible. Being 50 miles is absolutely nothing - less than an hour away but you couldn't be bothered to even travel that distance for four years?
Your last comment shows your true colours - you were expecting a £140,000 inheritance and thought you'd get it no matter what so decided 'fuck it, you deal with her then'.

This.
let it go. You didn’t do the hard work so you don’t get a payout. You made your choices and have lived your life without all the hassle and heartache your sister had. Be grateful your mum was cared for at the end by a loving relative.

This reminds me of the story’The little red hen’ 😁

You got your just deserts OP.
I’m pleased for your Sister.

Your sister would have a claim for all the tasks and care she did and gave your mum.
(Cost out paid service)
You ignored your mum in her final years.
You could have stepped up at any time to help and visit.

You could go to court, but you'd likely spend more on legal fees/lawyer's cut than you'd get now. Frankly, I think giving you £50k is fair. £10k is a bit of a kick to the gut.

Il so shocked at how you treated you mum & your sister, she asked for help and you couldn't be arsed ...now you want a payout...I'm surprised you even got £10k cause you don't fucking deserve it

I am very confused as to why you think you are automatically entitled to anything at all based on how little you did for your parent when they needed you the most. Be grateful for the nice little sum you did get because you barely "deserved" that. Sorry but I feel you are being quite entitled.

You don't even deserve the £10 grand, so I'd take the money and run.

I can't imagine anyone crowing about having to look after an elderly, difficult relative for 17 years with no help. I can't imagine refusing to help them and then slating them for being in a "clique" with the difficult, cared for relative. I can't imagine not visiting a parent you expect to inherit from in their dying years, who lived a mere 50 miles away. I can't imagine complaining about being left £10k, when morally I deserve £0.

I hope your sister enjoys every penny of her inheritance and puts it towards getting her life back after 17 years of being a carer. Bloody good for her.

Let your sister keep the £10k then? Or give it to charity maybe, if you feel insulted?

Absolutely no one is entitled to a share of someone's will. Considering you've done absolutely nothing for her in previous years or even seen her in four. I'd consider yourself lucky to even have had 10k.

So how much do you think your mum should have left you?

It sounds as if you were estranged, or?

Your mum was free to leave her money to whoever she wanted. It’s no surprise it went to the daughter who was actually there for her and did everything for her. You’ve done nothing to deserve a penny, £10000 is generous.

As someone that lost their mum at 13.... your comments have made me feel sad for your mum. She must've tried to reach out, in her own way, rightly or wrongly, asking for your help. Not only did you not say yes to the woman that I suspect cared for you for many years, but you also didnt even bother to see her? Knowing her health was declining? Wow. I hope my children show up for me when I get older, no matter how far away they live...
I think if I was you, I'd just be grateful for the 10 grand... sorry if its not what you want to hear.

She stepped up and cared for your mum and you didn’t. As you have said, she was at your sisters for Christmas, she went on holidays with your sisters family, your sister took her to appointments and helped her with daily life, she took her in when it was unsafe for your mum to live alone, not only did she do everything but she arranged the funeral.

Your sisters family deserves the money. It’s rubbish that you’ve got so little when you expected more but really £10,000 is a lot of money for someone you didn’t see for a long while.

You could have invited your mum for Christmas dinner, 50 miles is far but you could have tried to help out with appointments or visited more. If you wanted family holidays then you could have suggested one or asked to join their holiday. You had options, I understand you felt excluded but did you try to include yourself?

What an amazing Mum you had.

Good on her for rewarding her daughter and her husband for all that they did for her.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

50 miles - was that a typing error and you meant 500 miles ?
as 50 miles is only about an hour in the car...

It's rare on these sorts of posts for me to not find any empathy with the OP but other than 'an old will split it 50:50' and 'I'm one of two daughters' you've given zero reasons why you 'deserve' any more than the £10k (which is still a lot more than most people get when they do do all the caring) that you've been given. Clearly that's what your mum thought you deserved for not helping your DSis when she asked for help and not seeing your mum for 4 years despite living 50 miles away. Hell I took my DC to an adventure park on Tuesday that was 50 miles from my house! If I can do a fun day trip you can see your elderly mum.

£10k is not to be sneezed at. Your sister did everything for your mother. You only saw her once in four years, people who live in different countries do better than that if they can afford it.

Count your blessings and move on.

Sounds like your sister did all the lifting, carrying, fetching and care.
It is what it is.

You actually deserve £0 - appalling way of treating your mother. And the anger you feel towards the 10k you were given?! Astonishing.

If you had an okay relationship why did you not see her for FOUR YEARS?

You lived 50 miles away. That’s fuck all. I thought you were going to say you live in Australia.

A blow that you "only" got 10 grand or the woman that birthed you, looked after you and raised you has passed away?

You didn't see your mum for 4 years. Did you call her regularly over that time? How frequently did you see her before then?

Your sister did everything for your mum and you ignored her requests for help as, according to you, she was apparently showing off by telling you how much she was helping your mum. All the while you were a whole 50 miles away - less than an hours drive? You couldn't be arsed to visit or have a relationship with your mum.

You're finding out that, as they get older, people look at who adds to their lives, spends time with them, is there when they need help. You did none of that and it sounds like your mum noticed. Your sister did a lot and was there for your mum when she needed it. The way for your mum to recognise that and thank your sister for not treating her like a burden but with dignity and respect, is to give your sister the majority of her estate, which is what she has done.

You should be thankful to receive 10k. I'd say the solicitor might have recommended that so if you contested the will, you would have been unsuccessful.