AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

You didn't help your sister as you thought she'd made her own bed... Seems you've also made your own bed and are now having to lay in it.

You left all the care to your sister and now you're shocked your mum has left most of the estate to her...the child who actually looked after her?

For the last 27 years I have been responsible for looking after and supporting my mum. I had a very honest conversation with her where I said “ I understand that you want to treat both your children the same, but I would be very hurt if you awarded your son the same money as me, when he has done bugger all to help you out for. 20 years.

Sounds like a similar scenario

How did you feel pushed out if your sister was asking for your help?
50 miles is really not that far - you could have visited if you wanted to. You clearly didn't want to.

See, I do everything for my elderly dad, and my dsis does next to nothing. I wouldn't dream of asking him to recognise this in his will, though, because it's my personal choice to care for him and I am not doing it for any financial gain.

I expect that my dad will leave everything split equally between my dsis and me (unless it is eaten up in care home fees first), but if he decides to bypass both of us and leave everything to his grandchildren, or indeed, if he decides to spend every penny or leave some or all of it to charity, then that's his prerogative. It's his money, and regardless of the caring that I choose to do, I don't feel entitled to any of it.

But that's why I find the OP so bizarre. She didn't even bother seeing her mother in four years. And yet she somehow feels entitled to half of her mother's estate? I think that's insane!

I this country you are allowed to leave your money to whomsoever you please. There are some exceptions but this doesn’t sound like one of them. Whoever got the smaller share is just going to have to accept it.

Maybe her mum would have told her if she'd visited her ... 🤔

Completely agree with all of this and sending you solidarity! I would never speak to my parents about what they should do with their money - it’s their money. Inappropriate and highly embarrassing to talk about it with them. I would never.

You hadn’t seen her in 4 years because you live 50 miles away?! 50 miles?! Is that a typo, did you mean to say 500?!

If this isn’t a reverse, you sound grabby, needy and as if you’re stamping your feet like a petulant child.

So you e hardly seen your mother in 4 years, you e let your sister do the lions share of the care including having her live with them! And you have the nerve to expect more! Perhaps if you had seen more of your mum, you’d have received a bigger inheritance!

I travel 50 miles to work, 3 times a week

Your sister would ring you and "show off" - about what?!! From what you go on to say, I think she used to give you updates about your mum, and what she'd been doing for her. Because she would then go on to ask for your help, which you would never give, because, according to you, she'd "made her bed", chosen to look after your mum, and could "f*ing get on with it".

Seriously, OP, just read what you've written here. You sound like a pretty nasty person, and have certainly been an awful daughter and sister.

Why? Why should it be equal? My belongings are mine, and I can choose who I leave them to.

And your mother changed her will of her own accord. Stop being silly (reverse or otherwise).

I think you were fortunate to get anything tbh. Count your blessings.

I think the "she" referred to is her sister.

No, she's just pissed.

A WHOLE 50 miles? Gawd, that's an ENORMOUS distance! I can see why you didn't bother going for FOUR FECKIN' YEARS!

All of this. Tbh, OP, I think you were lucky to get 10 grand. You're coming across as a bit of wanker, if you had been this clear in your feelings toward your sister and hadn't bothered to visit in four years because 50 miles was SOOOOOO onerous, I would have left you sweet FA.

OP, you had ok relationship with mother. Why didnt you bother with her then? Why the updates from sister you describe as she crowing and showing off and making her bed. Is that a sign of a nice decent human?

most likely, what do you expect to hear on here? That you go to court for your 50%? Go and do it. I am not a law expert.

so what did you go to help your parents , do you seriously think you deserve anything when you rarely visited or offered any type of help , you seem very entitled

You fail to see that your mum was a person who could choose to leave her money to whoever she wanted to 🤷‍♀️

you know you’re not actually entitled to anything right ?

wether reverse or not, her mother COULD CHOSE NOT TO change her will or at least to be more generous....there are many sub threads in a thread

Where were you for 4 years .. abroad miles away just couldn't be bothered.
You seem more bothered about the money than your parent passing away .. its sad it comes down to money in these circumstances but your sister took on all responsibility and you let her.

I feel this is a thread of someone utterly taking the piss. My English is my 4th language but blimey.

all updates have been a race to the bottom of where I don't know.